


You and I

by baeasf



Series: me, you, and us [2]
Category: One Direciton
Genre: Death, Depression, F/M, I tried making it sad, This is my baby also, i worked hard on this whole series, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 03:12:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 48,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2797460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeasf/pseuds/baeasf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stella and Bethany return to Uni for another year, with new challenges they might not be able to get through this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Hii, so the narration switches off again. Enjoy

Her way of life was simple. Study for Uni all day and work all night. Stella was very differant now, she was not really on the party scene anymore, doesnt drink that often or do any drugs. If you were to tell Stella that she was doing well in her studies and having a steady income of money every month, not partying or drinking or doing drugs she would laugh in your face and tell you to fuck off. She was a changed woman, she had decided that she wanted to make something of her life and be able to support her self and not rely on anyone for anything. Stella Courage was finally happy with herself and what she was doing. Her life was wonderful at the moment, the second year of Uni has already started and she was living with her best friend. She even met a boy who was possibly everything that Stella has ever wanted. He's a punk rocker who's a bit of an asshole to everyone except for her, tons of tattoos and is everything Stella thinks she wants. But she's happy and if he makes her happy then she's going to stay that way, right?

Stella is currently unlocking the door to her shared flat wearing a white long sleeved dress that ' _shows off your collerbones delicously_ ' said by Bethany and is just a bit low cut in the back, with black dock martens, normally this would look horrific but for Stella it works. She throws her book bag to the floor, toes off her shoes and runs to the couch jumping on Bethany who was eating something out of a bowl.

'Beth!' Stella shouted

'What Stella' Bethany grumbled

'I missed you' Stella mumbled taking her bowl and taking a bite from her icecream

'I see you lik 24 hours a day, Stella' Bethany laughed and took her icecream back 'anyway how'd the exam go?'

'It was okay, I started to fall asleep through half of it' Stella shrugged and started to pick at her nails 'Thank god I get the weekends off, I plan on sleeping this entire weekend' Stella mumbled. Just then Stella's phone started to ring from her bag, Stella groaned and crawled to her bag

'Hello?'

'Hi Stell'

'Hey,Nick whats up?'

'Nothing, wanna do something?'

'Yeah, any plans in mind?'

'Theres a rave happening tonight'

'Yeah, okay'

'I'll pick you up at 9?'

'Okay see you then'

'Bye beautiful'

The line went dead and Stella layed down on her back on the hardwood floor, he was great, he was amazing but he just wasnt _him._ There was just something that wasnt there that she needed. She was trying- god was she trying but she just couldnt forget how she felt when they were together. She wanted to move on, but he fucked up and now her whole mindset was ruined. She saw him around a few times and her heart would swell, she would feel like the world was collapsing on her, he would never see her of course but it made her heart ache. Her heart would break everytime she caught a glimpse of him because he seemed _okay._ He looked like nothing had ever happend between them, he was fine and Stella wasnt. It would rage Stella because why does he get to be okay and move on so easily and not care at all about her but she cant. It isnt fair that she's so stuck in the past and Harry is dying to be in the future.

She decides to go anyway with Nick because she hasnt been partying in 2 weeks which feels like a year. She decides to make her makeup dark, leaving her hair natural and just ruffling it a bit to make it look like she just had sex. She digs in the back of her closet for a short black dress that cuts very low in the front but with a lace covering the cut beautifully. Pairing it with floral Docs because why the hell not, she was ready. She grabbed her bag and sat on the couch with Bethany waiting for his arrival.

'Wow havent seen you all dressed up like this in awhile' Bethany smiled

'Yeah, um Nick is taking me to a rave' Stella blushed, before Stella could say anymore the doorbell rang and Stella gave Bethany a kiss on the cheek goodbye and went to the door. She opend it and he was wearing a sleeveless 'Metallica' shirt showing off his many tattoos with ripped up black jeans. She kissed him on the cheek, took his hand and started to walk to the party.

'Well dont you look lovely' he mumbled into her ear kissing her neck lightly, Stella giggled and looked up into his bright eyes.

'So do you with all your tattoos' she said running her hands over them. Nick often cut the sleeves off his shirts and Stella would take them using it as a bandana. They continued to chat until they got to the party which was at a large field area with lots of people and lights and drugs and alcohol and everything Stella had stayed away from for 3 months. She orderd a vodka tonic and they started to dance. Stella missed everything about this, the way the music kind of took over her, the alcohol swishing through her veins, the smell of drugs around her. It was all so wonderfull so fucking releasing, so addicting. The feeling of just being free it was exhilarating.

So she drank more and smoked more and maybe took a pill, danced till' her feet were fucking aching and didnt stop until the sun was rising. Then all she could see was black

-

Someone was carrying her she didnt know who but she was clinging onto them like it was her lifeline. It was very cold out, but there was a jacket draped around her arms, she finally opend her eyes but she didnt see Nicks sharp jawline she saw Zayns instead. All of her senses were coming back to her and her head was fucking pouding and it felt like she was being stabbed over and over, she could hear the light chatter going on next to her and it was Perrie and Louis talking. Zayn smelt of weed and cologne and she honestly didnt want to be put down but she was probably heavy. Stella moved her head into his neck and closed her eyes tightly

'Hey you awake Stells?' Zayn said smiling slightly

'Yeah, I- I could walk' she mumbled into his neck

'You sure?' Zayn asked and she just nodded. So he stopped walking and put her down lightly, she swayed slightly and almost fell but she was okay. She gave the three of them a hug and they all continued to walk towards Stella's flat.

'What happend last night?' she asked

'You were out right fucked up' Louis said with a small smile

'When we found you, you were passed out under a tree' Perrie said, her blonde hair and wild eyes staring intently into Stella's

'Yeah, did you come with anyone?' Zayn asked

'I came with.. Nick' she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion and suddenly panicked because her phone and wallet. Perrie must have noticed her confusion because Perrie gave Stella her bag. She let out a sigh of relief 'I dont know what happend to him'

'He should have watched out for you, that bastard' Louis said leading the way into her flat

'Im sure something must have happend' Stella mumbled unlocking the flat door

'You were passed out under a fucking tree all alone, something horrible could have happend' Zayn said irritated

'Yeah but nothing happend, its alright' she said softly giving them a smile. She hugged each of them for taking care of her and giving them a plastic bag full of cookies that Bethany made as a gift for the neighbors but gave it to them instead. When they left Stella finally could breath and tried to think. She took a shower washing off the dirt on her legs and sweat and makeup over her eyes and face.

She checks her phone and there was one new message from Nick apoligizing for leaving her alone, he was apparently caught up in something as well. Stella rolled her eyes and crawled into her bed just when the sun was rising.

So what if things are just a bit fucked up right now as long as shes happy right?

 


	2. two

She rarely ever slept. It was strange for Bethany, she felt like she was going insane. She was so tired in the day but the minute she would lay into the soft sheets of her bed all the exhaustion of the day would suddenly fade away. All night she would lay in her bed or watch tv or read, it was starting to wear her out she was to weak to complete the days tasks. So Stella suggested that she should tire herself out during the day and maybe she would get a good nights sleep. So she tried that, she worked hard all day at Uni; getting assingments done, writing articles for the paper, and even took swimming up as a sport. Then after she went out with her friends; whether it was clubbing or going out to dinner. After that she would come home and talk with Stella or call her mum or finish her assingments from Uni. But after all that she still couldnt fucking sleep.

Another reason Bethany thinks she cant sleep is because he's on her mind all the time. She sees Liam all the time but he takes one look at her and turns his head or if there walking the same way he would take a whole other route just to try and avoid her. And everytime that happend a part of her kind of faded away, maybe because she never fucking called him back, or because he finaly got over Bethany and continued to date that girl. Maybe because he she just wasnt good enough anymore, the light never reached his eyes when he would smile anymore.

So she would continue on with her day and just try and forget about what was going on in her mind, trying to be strong was never hard for Bethany but its starting to be.

Bethany is currently laying on the the couch, waiting for her swim practice to start in a couple of hours. Mindlessly clicking through the channels Stella comes into the flat and throws off all her stuff on the floor by the door. She slides in next to Bethany under the blankets and starts to talk.

'So whats up Beth?' Stella askes but Bethany just grumbles an answer at her. To be honest Bethany is a bit jelouse of Stella, she gets to sleep soundly at night, and be happy while Bethany is drowing slowly in her mind. 'Okay what the fuck is the matter with you Bethany?'

'What the fuck?' Bethany suddenly snaps.

Stella whips the blankets off her and stands up walking towards the kitchen 'Why are you so fucking grumpy all the time? What is the problem?'

'The fucking problem is that I cant sleep at night, my fucking problem is that Li-' she cuts her self off before she could even _mention_ his name. She hears Stella put the kettle on and come back into the living room with a small smile

'Liam, huh?' she sits cross legged across from Bethany playing with the ends of her dark curly hair

'Yes, Liam' Bethany groans 'he doesnt even fucking look at me anymore. When he left me that message I still thought we could be friends or at least talk?'

'You did tell him in a really kind way to fuck off' Stella mumbled and Bethany just groaned 'So just tell him then, just tell him you wanna continue what you two had. But if he fucks up again than its done forever. He did say you were kind of the light of his life so make him prove it'

' _Its not that easy Stells_ ' Bethany says groaning

'Actually it is. Be strong Beth, get things done so there not hanging on your shoulders all the time. Maybe you'll actually be able to sleep then'

The kettle whistles and Stella's gone

************

So she decides to take Stella's advice. She stays awake all night, finally deciding to go for a run when the sun comes up just to try and think about what she's going to do or say. After her run she showers and dresses her best; a floral dress with nude pumps, her auburn hair up and wavy. She buys breakfast for her and Stella, goes to her phycology class in Uni and sits in the park for an hour, under the naked trees with leaves under her feet. Finally she gets the courage to actually take the walk to Liams apartment building but stands infront of the pathway to his door for 20 minutes thinking wether or not she would be there or if he would answer or if he was actually fucking home. She then thinks that maybe she has a bit of an anxiety problem. She walks back down the road she came from, towards home then back to the pathway to Liams door 3 times. After the 6th time she decides to just fuck it and walk back to her flat and cry over the fact that shes a coward and a stupid idiot for even think tha-

She bumps into a hard chest, Bethany silently curses herself because its fucking Harry of all people.

'Bethany?' he says in his low voice and she looks up and gives him a forced smile

'Hi Harry' and she remembers everything that he did and said to Stella and how Stella beat his girlfriends ass. Harry looks good, great actually, his hair a big bigger and he seemed to have added more tattoos.

'So, erm what are you up to' he says a bit awkwardly

'Oh i was just um-' she studders and Harry gives a grin and he seems to know why

'You were going to see Liam, wernt you?' he puts an arm over her shoulder and walks her to his door not listening to any of her protest. Harry knocks on the door then kissing Bethany on her cheek quickly and running into his flat before Liam even opens his door. Before she even registers whats happening Liam is standing there in sweats and a t-shirt looking shockeed at Bethany.

She smiles a genuine smile because fuck she actually did it (with a bit of help) but she did it.

'Hi' she finally manages to get out

'Hey' he takes a good look at her, up and down and Bethany has never felt more insecure in her life.

'Can I come in?' she asks, finally feeling okay and confident and maybe if this runs badly she can go cry with Harry.

'Yeah, course' he lets her in and his flat is spacios and warm just like she rememberd. She feels like she cant sit down, like she needs to do this while she's got the courage

'Liam- I, we- I cant be away from you' she blurt but doesnt regret it 'Liam your literally all I can think about. I was so in love with you, I mean I still am but now its stronger because I miss you. _Fuck I miss you_.' Shes breathing harder now and Liam looks like he wants to say something but she wont let him 'But you fucked me over big time, you made me regret everything we did, what we had! You hurt me so bad and ruined everything. But im willing to forget about all of that and just try and make things better if thats okay?' She whispers the last part because she's out of breath and feels a weight suddenly lifted off her shoulders.

Liam is walking towards her now and is kissing her hard and passionate like everything he has wanted to say to her is write in the kiss. She melts into it, misses his touch the way he gently rubs her cheek during the kiss. She literally missed all of this, everything.

So she spends the night and its the first good night sleep she has gotten in a month.

 


	3. three

She isnt angry anymore. She's more hurt than anything. She misses him, everything they did and said they were going to do- fuck she just wants everything to be the way it was before any of this happend. But it cant be like that anymore because she's a woman now, she has a job and goes to University plays major football and is just trying to get everything together for once.

She cant help but feel a twinge of jelousy when Bethany had told her what happend with Liam. How they were so happy together again, how everything was slowly starting to get better for her. Stella gave a happy smile and a tight hug but she wanted to cry in a hole because when is she gonna be okay again? Sure she's happy with her job and uni, but theres one thing that she needs. She really doesnt fucking care anymore if there not even dating she just misses talking to him. Pathetic really.

Her life drags on slowly, she enters her flat and doesnt really find it unusal that Bethany and Liam are cuddled up on the couch, giggling and laughing to each other. She fights the need to roll her eyes because fuck does she want that.

'Stell! How was your day' Bethany says suddenly noticing her presance, Stella drops her soccer bag, her book bag and her jacket on the floor with a thud, while toeing off her shoes.

'Lovely' she says dully and she just feels like shit and Bethany notices it. Stella goes into the kitchen trying to cool off when Bethany follows her

'Hey you okay' she says in a soft voice

'Yeah im fine' Stella gives a small smile, downs her water, picks up all of her stuff of the floor, says hi to Liam and goes to her room and locks the door. She doesnt have work since its the weekend so she plans on sleeping and drinking till monday morning.

Of course that doesnt happen because Bethany is knocking on her door 3 hours later.

'Yeah?' she calls taking off her glasses and closing her laptop

'Hey, you want to go out tonight? Everyone is going to this party-'

'Who's everyone?'

'Everyone; our group of friends?' Bethany says questions all over her face

'I dont know..'

'Come on Stella, you need to relieve some of this stress. Call Nick and see if he wants to come to!' Bethany says with a confident and Stella just agrees so she doesnt have to talk anymore. Bethany leaves calling out to Liam that 'she's in'

So she calls Nick and he agrees to go to there flat in a few hours. And maybe this will be good for Stella because she already knows he's going to be there and he's probably with Cara still and she's probably still pissed from Stella kicking her ass. So this should be good. Stella wears her highest heels, showing off her legs and she sort of feels like her old self again, feels like she doesnt have a care in the world.

They get to the party and immeidiatly see all of there friends. Stella gives all of them hugs and introduces Nick to them and the night is started. Nick and Stella dance and drink but she really isnt into it because she's looking around for him, and Nick must have sensed this because he kept repeatidly asked her if she was okay. Eventually she gets to drunk to walk and she's talking with Niall, Ashton, Jade and Luke loudly and it seemed that Nick had disapeared off somewhere. She was listening along with the others to Niall tell a story about football when something caught her eye. A tall figure pushing through the crowd to get to the bar where they were currently standing at. She new it was him but she was to fucked up to realize that.

She can see him walking towards where they were all standing from the corner from her eye but she does not dare turn around or even make eye contact. She downs her drink and quickly swipes another one off a tray that a waitress was holding walking by, she sips the clear liquid and realizes that its straight fucking vodka. She sips it anyway and she can feel the eyes on her, his eyes to be exact, and Cara's eyes, and Stella fucking _knows_ that she looks really good and that Cara is _fucking fuming_ from where she's gripping onto his hand. She can practically feel Cara's steem from where Stella is standing and its making her smile, Stella didnt ever regret beating her ass, she suddenly felt some of the anger and hurt wash away, after all Cara was the reason her and Harry wernt friends anymore. She was to fucking insecure of there relationship.

'Oi! Styles get your arse over here!' Niall suddenly shouts and Stella silently curses him. Harry walks over to them slowly with a small grin on his face. Stella couldnt help but smile when he was finally across from her, he looked more beautiful than she rememberd, her eyes almost started to well up from how long its been without hearing his voice so when he did speak it was a bit breathtaking. Harry hugged everyone and when he finally got to Stella she looked up into those big green eyes and she smiled. He smiled down at her and gave her a one armed hug, his height about a foot over hers even in these stupid fucking heels. She breathes in his scent and it just kind of sobers her up and suddenly everything is okay again, she doesnt feel the stress or the anxiety. She wants to cry into his shoulder and punch him in the face and kiss him all at the same time. The hug is literally 3 seconds but it feels like a lifetime. Cara just gives her a dirty look and is holding onto Harrys arm. Stella downs her drink and walks away from the group of friends and her hands are shaking and she's trying to hold the tears in because suddenly its all back again. The pain, the sleepless nights, the lonleyness. Stella goes outside and its suddenly silent. She takes out that all to familiar silver box full of blunts, she takes one out puts it to her mouth and lights it. She breathes it in and her hand is shaking while holding the blunt between her two bony fingers.

She suddenly remembers Danny and how he was so sweet to her and she witnessed his death, she basically fought to the death. After a month she got over the worst of the nightmares and she slowly started to recover, she isnt afraid anymore if those men come for her. Before Stella wouldnt even leave the house because she was so fucking afraid, but then she realized what did she have to live for anyways?

'Hey' a deep voice said beside her, Stella didnt have to fucking turn her head because she already knew who it was.

'Hi' she said barely audible and continued to smoke.

'So how've you been?' he asked like everything was okay like he didnt fucking break her.

'lovely' Stella said flatly suddenly feeling anger rise in her because this isnt okay, he cant just come back into her life whenever he wants. She didnt get a single text or phonecall, just total silence for 3 months, 3 fucking months of pain and guilt and when she's finally getting over it he tries to pry back in.

'Stella please dont be mad anymore' he mumbled still looking at the side of Stella's face

Stella chocked out a laugh and lit another spliff and started to walk away 'Im not mad anymore'

'Than why cant you even look me in the fucking eye?' Harry said frustrated and the alcohal was finally getting to him

'Dont you try and put this on me, fuck off' Stella spat.

She left Harry standing there with his jaw clenched, and he started to follow her shouting her name, so Stella finally turned around still not looking him in the eye

'When are you gonna grow up, Stella?' Harry spit

'Growing up is for the weak' Stella said a grin playing on her lips, her eyes were far away; someplace else. She started to walk away again but Harry grabbed her arm and she turned around finally meeting his moss colord eyes, he looked just as far away as Stella did.

'Can we please just stop this Stells' he pleaded, but Stella just ripped her arm away from his grip

'Dont fucking call me that ever again' she was looking him dead on in his eyes and she was angry now, she through her blunt on the floor and stopped away.

She went back to her flat, drank a bottle of vodka in her bed in the dark and felt the numbness consume her.

 


	4. four

It was early in the mornig, possibly 8am and Bethanys eyes suddenly opend slowly. She was wrapped under a big comfy duvet with the soft light of the sun coming through the shades of her big windows in her room, with Liam sleeping soundly beside her. Her head was on his chest and his hand around her waist protectivly, shes warm all over and Bethany thinks she wouldnt want to be anywhere else but here. Here under a blanket with Liam, she's happiest when she's with him, she can finally fucking sleep now that she knows theres something to wake up to. Someone to keep her going. She was in a hole before but Liam threw down a rope and pulled her up, and she's so so greatful. Bethany really thinks that shes in love with him.

When Bethany finally gets up a few minutes later she finds Stella siting at the table dressed in her practicing clothes eating breakfast. She watches for a minute and see's Stella get a flask out of her bag thats next to her and pour some vodka into her coffee. Bethany walked into the kitchen a second later and sat across from Stella.

'Morning Stells' Bethany chirps happily

'Hi' Stella grumbles, Bethany doesnt get how Stella is in such a bad mood all the time now. She doesnt understand what her issue is

'What are your plans for the day?' Bethany asks hoping to get her mood up

'Just football' she says queitly

'Oh, well Liam and I are going to this party dinner thing later do you wanna come?' Bethany asks

'Im good you to go ahead, wouldnt want to intrude' Stella says putting her bowl away and downing her coffee

'Oh Stell you wouldnt be intruding at all, theres gonna be tons of other people there, maybe you might meet someone' Bethany says trying to be helpful

'I have someone already' Stella kind of snaps

'Collin? He could care less' Bethany doesnt mean to sound harsh

'What the fuck yes he does!' Stella says raising her voice

'Stella he always leaves you and never fucking looks after you' Bethany shouts back

'Well Im fucking sorry that not everyone can have a perfect life with a perfect boyfriend!' Stella is fuming now and she wants someone hurting like she is 'Dont fucking tell me about someone who cares less, you of all people knows what that feels like'

The door slams and Bethany winces at the sharp pain in her head. Shes in pain again when she feels a very sharp stabbing pain in her side, its so painful that she has to sit down. When it finally goes down she stands back up and goes into her room. Liam is still laying there and Bethany climbs in next to him putting her head where his heart is

'Whats with all the yelling?' Liam asks when she finally breathes normally and stops to shake a little

'Stella is just having a tough time thats all' Bethany mumbles

'Is it about Harry?' Liam asks quietly after a moment like its still a really sensitive subject

'I think he's part of the reason, I think she just feels really alone like no one cares'

'Thats pure shit, everyone loves and cares about Stella, even I do and she basically told me to fuck off the other day. She just needs some guidence you know?' Liam says and Bethany is just staring up at him with such fond, Liam is literally the most caring person and just understands Bethany thinks.

'So what should I do? I mean like I want her to be happy because she deserves to be happy'

'Lets just get her and Harry speaking again, yeah? Stella is obousivly still pretty hurt about what had happend between them' Liam shruggs

'Your just full of ideas arent you' Bethany smiles up him

'I know I am a genius' Liam says playfully

'I didnt say you were a genius, Li just a good idea maker' Bethany laughs

'Same thing!' Liam says mock affended, he rolls over onto Bethany and starts to tickle her sides, Bethany screams with laughter and finally gives up and calls him a genius. They kiss and play around in her bed for the rest of the day and order take out for dinner that night. Stella's door is closed and Bethany wonders when she's going to come out and vent to her.

Niall calls Liam the next morning and tells them to come over for dinner.

So they shower together and get ready together, laughing and playing around. Liam wearing a gray long sleeved shirt with dark jeans and a big coat because its staring to snow outside. While Bethany wears a thick grey sweater with burgendy skinnys and black converse that she took from Stellas closet. She got one of Liams gray beanies and pulled it over her long hair and decided to invite Stella to.

She knocks on the closed door quietly but heres no answer, she opens it and the room is dark and Stella football bag is on her bed along with her clothes she wore earlier the day before. Bethany was postive she heard Stella come in the flat but not leave again. Bethany went into the kitchen to look for a note or something, something to say that she was okay or that she would be coming back. Bethany calls her phone 3 times but it goes straight to voicemail every time, worry starts to build up in Bethanys chest.

'Hey whats wrong?' Liam asks holding onto Bethanys arms gently

'I dont know where Stella is' she whisperd her voice shaking

'She probably went out, she's coming back dont worry' Liam said reasuringly but it wasnt working

'She didnt leave a note, and she isnt answering her phone, Liam its been a day and a half'

'Her phone probably died, she's fine' Liam is holding onto her now but Bethany doesnt want to be held she's afraid and shaking

'You dont understand! She _always_ leaves a note, she always texts me and tells me she's okay. She would never run off like this and its dark outside and its snowing, she could be hurt or lost!' Bethany always has to know if Stella is okay because she has panick attacks that dont end well.

'Lets go to Nialls, maybe she's there and then we can get the other to help, yeah?' Liam hugs her and rubs her hair and kisses her forhead reasuringly

'Yeah, yeah okay' They grab there coats and head out. Bethany's breath starts to even out again and she makes sure to look really well outside the moving car just incase she see's Stella. Bethany was really worried because of the fight they had earlier and Stella genuily looked hurt and sad.

'When me and Stella were talking she- she had this look in her eyes, Li. Like she wasnt there, it wasnt her you know? I dont know i just dont want her to regret...' Bethany whispers brokenly

'Lets not jump to conclusions, Stella's strong and she's gonna be fine' Liam says but his voice isnt the same isnt so strong so sure.

'She isnt so strong anymore' Bethany mumbles. Liam doesnt answer

They drive a little longer until they get to Nialls flat he shares with his long time girlfriend Amy that just moved from Nialls hometown in Ireland.

'Hey Liam, Beth!' Niall shouts and pulls them both into a hug but Niall must have seen Bethanys face who looked like she was about to cry and his smile falterd 'Beth whats wrong?'

'Its Stella, I dont know where she went its been two days and she didnt leave a note and Im worried Ni, we had a fight earlier yesterday, I havent seen her since and she was very upset and I just dont want her to do something she would regret' Bethany said all in one breath and tears started to sting her eyes and panick started to make her fingers shake

'Its okay, we will find her' Nial gives her another hug and goes to tell the others whats happening. Bethany hugs everyone and all of her friends say it will be okay and that she's fine. But what if its not fine? What if the worst happens. Bethany feels like she's drowing

When she gets to Harry he immeditaly brings Bethany into a tight hug. Harry knows how Bethany anxiety is and how Stella can get when shes upset.

'Hey, were gonna find her' Harry whispers into her hair and suddenly Bethany is crying because she cant breath. Its not a big deal really and she shouldnt be freaking out _this much_ but Bethany has a tendancy to overthink situations and she's just really fucking worried because Stella is her best friend and at the end of the day she is all she has. 'It'll be okay'

'Stop saying it will be fucking okay!' Bethany snaps, she's just tired honestly, tired and wants her bestfriend to be safe again, happy again 'How do you know? How does anyone know? You dont understand that I dont know where she is and im scared okay? Im fucking scared.'

'Im gonna find her okay? Im gonna fucking find her.' Harry kisses Bethanys forhead one last time grabs his coat and and trys to leave but Cara stops him

'Harry where the fuck ya going?' she asks with this attitude that makes Bethany annoyed

'To go find Stella' he says and everyone is stopped to look at them

'Cant someone else go find her? Why do you have to? You arent her dad, Harry' she says and is glaring at him and Harry is all of a sudden flushed

'I know but she's my best frie-'

'I honestly dont give a fuck. She can take care of herself, yeah? You dont ne-' She tries to finish but Bethany is in her face now and her blood is boiling now

'Please just shut the fuck up for one second, you dont control Harry he can do what ever he wants whenever he fucking wants to' Harry is mumbling Bethanys name quitely telling her to stop but Bethany cant theres this sudden anger filling her 'Harry and Stella were super close before you came along then you had to ruin it because your fucking insecure with your relationship. So i suggested you back the fuck up before you get smacked the fucked up' then there group of friends is yelling and jumping on each other and laughing at Bethany because this isnt like her at all. Cara walks by her and bumps her shoulder and grabs her shoulder but Harry pulls away.

'What the fuck Harry, come one were going home'

'No im going to look for my bestfriend, your going home Cara' she looks at a loss of words then is storming out of the flat. Everyone is cheering and taking shots and saying how she deserves it and congratulating Stella like she just won a marathon. Harry nods to Zayn and he turns around giving Stella one last smile, a smile that says _'im going to fix this'_

So she waits around knees shaking, nails being biten to the nub. Bethany is basically high on hope.

 


	5. five

She feels like she's floating on air. Theres vodka flowing through her veins and theres people around her trying to escape like she is, trying to forget everything like Stella is. Her hair is big and someone stuck a flower crown on top of her head and it just kind of stayed there. Stella is wearing a black short dress with lace tights and her Docs, she doesnt know what pills she took or how many. She doesnt know how many shots of whatever she had or what time it is or what day it fucking is. All she sees is stars and lights and hears good music. Stella feels like she is fucking floating.

All she knows that she's at a 3 day rave and plans to stay for 3 days. She wanted to just disapeer for a weekend and not let anyone know or find her. She needed a break from reality, a break from work the constant work and the constant thought of Danny. She saw him everywhere. He would just be sitting on the end of her bed when she woke up, smiling and smoking a cigar telling Stella to just let her life go on. Stella would just close her eyes and he would be gone. She always saw him and she didnt want to, she wanted the demons out of her head and this was a good way to do it.

So right when she got home from football she showerd and got ready quickly making sure Bethany hadnt heard, but why would she hear? She's way to busy to even fucking talk to her bestfriend, Stella felt like no one cared for her. She doesnt _crave attention_ its just she thinks that if she would disapear for a few days or a life time no one would care. And even if they did care why care now? When its to late when she's cold and gone, no one cares in the end so why worry?

Anyway when she left the house she didnt know where to go or what to do but she soon found the answer when she went to the underground record store. There was a flyer and Stella knew what she was gonna do. When she got in it was full of people and the bass was so strong, drugs were everywhere and Stella suddenly didnt feel so alone anymore. She felt great actually and started to drink little by little, started to smoke more and more and started to take pills that people were handing her.

Stella's feet start to ache a little bit and she's sweating so she pushes through the crowd towards the exit. She pushes the door open and its cloudy and dark outside like it could rain any second. She takes out a ciggarette and lights it suddenly feeling complete again. She smokes outside for a bit and decideds to go for a walk, she needs sleep; dark bags are under her eyes and she feels weak and so tired. Its been almost 2 days since she's left with only a few hours of sleep in the corner of the club. Maybe I should go home Stella thinks to herself but decides to keep walking.

She begins to wonder about Bethany and how she's probably with all of there friends right now and how there eating and drinking and laughing. She thinks of Harry and how he must be the happiest guy because him and his girlfriend are so in love and there going to get married or whatever. Thats what kind of hurts the most, the fact that no one will miss her when she's gone. Her mum probably doesnt even give two shits, no one does and thats all Stella really needs is someone to be there. Someone to hold her when it all gets to hard, someone who can just cuddle with her on rainy cold nights. Stella rubs the tears falling down her cheeks and continues to walk. She sits down on a park bench and lays down on it looking up at the stars, telling herself to quit fucking crying because she fucking did this to herself. Its her fault, its always her fault. There isnt anyone on the street, its completly deserted, probably because its fucking twenty degrees and its starting to drizzle. Stella throws her cigarrete on the floor and makes her self get back up and go to the club and maybe think about going home.

She isnt even half way down the deserted street when she sees him. It's Danny and his smile is so bright and he isnt even getting wet by the pouring rain thats soaking Stella to the bone. He's stopped right infront of her and is just looking at her with his bright eyes.

'Hey Stells you okay?'

Stella shakes her head no

'Get your shit together, yeah? Everyone needs you'

'No they dont'

'Yes they do Stells, without you no one would be the same. Now get home its kind of chilly out here' he kisses her forehead and when Stella blinks he's gone.

'Wait take me with you!' she screams after him but there isnt anyone there. She walks a couple of steps when she hears it. Its her name being called, its getting louder and louder like who ever is yelling it is right behind her. So she turns around and its Harry walking down the fucking street with his clothes soaked and his hair matted down to his head. The rain doesnt stop

'Stella!?' he yells over the rain, but Stella turns back around and keeps walking hoping to get away from him. But she doesnt make it far because Harry grabs her wrist and spins her around facing him. 'Stella what the fuck!'

'What Harry!?' Stella is suddenly so angry and hurt because how could he just leave her life like it wasnt the easiest thing for him?

'What is this about?' his eyes are dull and sad. 'Why did you just run off like that?'

'Dont act like you care' Stella spits, grateful that the rain hides her tears

'Of course I care I have always cared!' Harry shouts over the loud pounding of the rain

'No you never cared about me! You gave me up, you dont care about me or anything! I loved you Harry!' Stella is crying harder now because its all to much

'Stella im sorry, alright?'

'Sorry doesnt fix fucking everything, you ruined me dont you get that? You fucking changed me and how I saw the world then you leave because that bitch told you to?'

Harrys at a loss of words and he is just looking at his shoes 'I broke it off with her. I know its always been there and I know what I did was just fucked up but Stella I need you to forgive me'

She's shaking her head furiosly now 'No, I waited for you, for a really long time and Im finally getting better again. I cant, Im no ones second choice I cant do that to myself' Stella breathes deeply and sees Zayn coming up the street with an umbrella 'I dont think we should be friends anymore. Me and you we dont mean anything anymore'

Harrys face falls and she runs to Zayn and he wrapps her in a hug and she is crying into his shoulder. But he just pets her hair and calls for Harry to go to the cab down the street.

The ride back to Nialls flat was full of Zayns questions and scolding but she wasnt even listening to it because her heart was aching with pure pain. She knew she did the right thing but why does the truth always hurt? They get through the door and Stella immediatly feels Bethanys body jump on hers, everyone is cheering and its loud in the flat and Stella feels like she's going to pass out. Bethany is holding her face in her hands and screaming things at her

'What the fuck Stella! I was so fucking worried, are you okay? Are you hurt? Why didnt you leave a note or tell me you were leaving!' Bethany has tears going down her pretty face and Stella feels like shit 'dont you ever do that to me again, understand? Im gonna fucking kill you next time' Bethany hugs her tighter now and whispers I love you into her hair.

'Im fine Beth, just needed to get away for awhile' Stella shruggs and Perrie wraps a towel around her shoulders and hug her tight and wipes some of the dark smudged makeup around her eyes.

Everyone hugs Stella and tells her there happy she's okay. Harry is sitting on the couch with Liam and he's apparently telling him what had happend. They make brief eye contact but he looks away immediatly. Her heart aches a little harder but this is what needed to be said so she lifts her head a little higher.

Not till Stella is in Bethanys bed and they both lay awake does she tell her what happend. Everything that she was feeling and what happend between her and Harry.

'Atleast the truth came out right? The truth will always set you free' Bethany says seriously and Stella starts to laugh because Bethany is so fucking cheesy 'Im also sorry, I shouldnt have put anyone before our friendship and I love and care about you so dont ever think I dont, kay?' They hug and laugh it out.

And for the first time in weeks she feels alright.

 


	6. six

The next few weeks go by smoothly and sort of fast. Halloween is coming up and Bethanys group of friends are going to North London for a Halloween party that is sopposed to be the greatest party of the year. Everyone is going to dress up, Bethany and Liam are going to be Batman and Cat woman, but not by choice since Liam is such a nerd for superheros (not that Bethany minds or anything).

Everything is slowly back to normal, Bethany is still very happy with her life right now and she doesnt think that anything can ruin it. Liam is also a big part of that happiness, he just makes her feel so loved and special and Bethany can literaly talk to him about anything. When she's will him she questions why she would ever be better off alone.

Things with Stella are better to, Bethany kind of always watches her makes sure she's okay because Stella is a very mysterious person and through all there years of friendship Bethany realizes that now. She doesnt ever want Stella to think that for a second she's alone, it doesnt matter what happens to her Bethany will _always_ be there for her.

Bethany is currently walking back to her flat from Uni, its really cold out these days so she's wearing a long sleeved, thick nit dark green dress that goes knee length, pairing it with black tights and black ankle boots. Her auburn hair is down and is slightly wavy from the wind that is trying to blow her away. She's walking with her head down clutching the strap of her book back in one hand and holding her phone and thermos of tea in the other. Despertly trying to get through the cold weather and harsh winds she bumps into a hard chest, a chest that she always bumps into at the most unexpected times. She looks up the wind blowing her hair back from her face harshly and its Harry with small smile on his face, his hair is pulled back into a beanie and he's in a beig sweater with his insanely skin tight black jeans.

'Harry! how are you?' Bethany chirps happily but she can see Harrys smile is kind of fake.

'Just having a walk, cold innit?' he says with a smile but his eyes are sad. So Bethany just sighs, stuffing her thermos in her bag and grabbing Harrys hand and turning him in the direction towards her flat and pulling him along with her. 'Wait, Bethany I should really get home'

'Come and drink tea with me, Liam and Stella.' Bethany says looking up at him but he just looks away from her piercing hazel eyes

'I dont think thats a good idea' he mumbles sadly

'Its to cold to be alone'

-

When Bethany unlocks the door to her flat she drops her bag on the floor and she's taking her jacket off mid- way when Stella comes into the room talking loudly thinking that Bethany can understand what she's saying. Stella is wearing ripped up tight black jeans with a black tanktop with skulls all over it, she isnt wearing any makeup and her hair is messy and all over the place. Bethany continues to take off her jacket and Stella is just looking at Harry with a shocked expression on her face and its all suddenly awkward.

'So- um Bethany, do you know where my laptop charger is?' Stella aks not looking at Harry anymore

'Yeah its in my closet' Bethany answers struggling to take her boots off

'Why is it in your closet?' Stella shouts while walking away

'Because I was checking inventory of my closet' Bethany shouts back

Theres a slight loud laugh then Stella is shouting back 'your so fucking weird' Bethany laughs and nods for Harry to go to the kitchen, she makes 2 cups of tea and the conversation flows between them easily and it feels like nothing has changed at all.

There in the middle of a Friends episode when Liam opens the door and he's carying bags filled of food.

'Yay food!' Bethany says happily pecking Liam on the cheek, Liam and Harry share a hug and Liam mumbles something into Harrys ear and he laughs loudly. They take there plates filled with Chinease food to the couch all talking loudly to each other and continuing there episode of friends. A few minutes later Stella comes out of her room and takes a plate and fills it with noodles, rice and such. She takes a seat next to Liam and they all continue to watch the episode of Friends.

And thats mostly what it is anyway, all light laughter and conversations that dont bring up what happend a few weeks back, Stella goes back into her room after she eats and doesnt come back out for the rest of the night. Liam goes and takes a shower and its just Bethany and Harry alone.

A few moment pass in silence before Bethany breaks it 'thanks for the other night by the way, havent properly thanked you yet'

'Anything for Bethany' Harry winks and smiles and they both laugh. Its quiet again before Harry breaks the silence this time 'So are you going to tell me how to fix this?'

Bethany is a little taken back but really doesnt know what to say 'I honestly dont know'

'You know Stella the best, tell me what I should do' Harry says a little more urgently like his life depends on it

'Fuck- i dont know, Harry. The things that happend between you to were really like rough.' and Harrys nodding sadly looking down at his fingers. 'Hey come here'

Harry snuggles into Bethanys side and she wraps an arm around him gently playing with curls 'Just give her some time. She'll come around'

An hour later Liam drives Harry home even though Bethany told him that it would be more than okay if he slept over. She walks him and Liam to the door and gives him a hug and tells him to come around whenever he wants, then he's gone. The house is silent except for the small hum of music coming from Stella's room, Bethany leans her body against the door for a few minutes just trying to clear her mind for a second. She then walks to Stella's room opens the door and jumps on the bed next to her.

'Beth what ya want?' Stella says in her fake irish accent that she always does

'I cant come in here and have a lay?' Bethany says mock offended

'Dont say _have a lay_ sounds weird' Stella laughs

'Whatever, anyway Harry is gone you can come out of your cave now' Bethany says getting up and leaning against the doorway

'I wasnt like hiding or anything, I just had homework to catch up on' Stella shrugs

'You two can at least be friends, you know that right?' Bethany kind of feels for Harry, they are really close friends and he deserves to be happy even though he doesnt make the wisest choices

'I know that but I choose not to be' Stella says tapping away on her phone not looking at Bethany

'And why not? He feels really guilty about all of this and he ju-'

'How do you think I felt about all of this? I was fucking hurting for a long time and now Im finally over it, Im not going to be dragged back in' Stella snapped and Bethany just rolled her eyes and left the room, walking down the hall towards her room

'Just try and be friendly, Yeah?' She shouts from her room and Stell just groans loudly.

She just wants everything to be the way it was, the drinking and smoking late at night, all of the banter and fun they used to have. Now its all fucked and everyone is caught up in there own shit.

Bethany takes off her dress and just decides to sleep in her bra since she's to lazy and tired to get a shirt. She crawls under the blankets and turns off the bedside lamp, she is almost asleep when her phone buzzes under her pillow. She groans and moves her hands around looking for it, she finally finds it and the bright screen is harsh against her eyes.

It ends up being a text from Liam

'Hey babe, Im gonna get a few drinks with Lou, Harry, and Niall. Dont wait up, I'll be home later. love u xx'

Her heart swells when she reads the message because Liam is so fucking sweet, he's always the last person she talks to before she goes to sleep and the first person she talks to when she wakes up and she maybe thinks that means something.

 


	7. seven

Stella knows she's bitter, she knows that she acts like she doesnt give a fuck which she doesnt, she _fucking knows_ that she's difficult with everything. She understands that half the things she does affects her deeply and she honestly doesnt care. So when she's late for work the third time this week she couldnt care less, but her boss sure does.

Stella is currently in the lockerroom stripping off her sweats and band shirt and slipping on the tank top and shorts that make everyones head turn. She throws everything into her locker and thats when her boss comes in and starts to holler at her about she's late for the third time this week and if she doesnt keep up with her work schedule then she's going to be fired. But Stella just brushes it off with a 'Ya ya okay', she goes to the mirror and ruffles her curly wild hair around and applies a fresh coat of red lipstick. She knows she looks good and she kind of knows it.

She walks out of the locker room into the busy room full of people who want there food and beer. She waits the first few tables trying to be the politest she can be, she can now balance several plates of food on a platter and carry alot of beer around. And since its Friday night and the night before Halloween the guys are extra perverted and touchy, so Stella had to give a fake couple of smiles and laughs and tell the guys politley not to touch her. So she lets it go and a few hours pass and she continues to be touched on her ass and on her legs by drunken men who cant control themselves and she has about had it with all of it. She's basically ready to kill the next guy who touches her. Stella rushes over to the boss who's standing behind the counter that holds all of there merchandise

'Carol, can I work the bar now please?' Stella tries to smile but it doesnt come out well

'Fraid' not Stella, we need you to wait tables were short on girls tonight' Carol answers without even looking at her

'We have more than enough girls, and I dont think I can handle being touched anymore' Stella says but her boss just sighs and looks up from what she's doing

'Youre always late Stella I think you should at least do your assigned shift, yeah?' Carol says sternly like she was so annoyed by Stellas prescence

'Fine, but if one more drunken wanker touches me Im gonna loose it' Stella huffs before walking away. She goes to the counter were her tray of drinks needs to be deliverd and looks at the little note that tells her what table to go to. She scans the big room for table 10 and just her luck its a group of guys that are loud and look drunk. She walks over there and gives each of the guys there drinks and she could just feel there eyes drinking her in.

'Anything else I could get you?' Stella says with a small smile

One of the guys who looks big and buff and just looks like a deuce bag says 'yeah could I get some fries with a side of you?' all of his friends laugh and he just smirks at her. Stella plasters a fake smile and shakes her head no and tries to walk away. Before she could get away fast enough the deuce bag grabs her waist and pulls her closer to him, his hand slides lower and his palm is on Stellas arse and he's basically groping her and it pisses her off so much

'Please let go of me' Stella says as kindly as she can but anger is crawling up her and its making her hot all over

'Aww babe whats wrong? You havent been treated from a proper man have you? How bout me and you head out and I'll show you how its done' All of his friends laugh at that and its kind of Stellas last straw and she grabs the first bottle that she see's on the table and smashes it over his head. Glass shatters everywhere and the deuce bag falls back on his chair and theres blood trickling down the side of his face. The whole place is kind of silent and theres girls running over along with the boss

'I told you not to fucking touch me, asshole' Stella then struts away into the lockerroom and quickly stuffs everything into her bag and tries to run out but her boss is infront of the doorway and she has a really angry expression.

'I need the fucking uniform' she says and looks at Stella up and down. Stella sets her bag down angirly and pulls the shirt off and and pushes the shorts down, she rips off the socks and shoes and throws them into the air around the boss and walks around her. Theres whistles and hollers at Stella, since she's wearing a fucking push up bra and a thong, when she gets outside she pulls the sweats and shirt from her bag and quickly puts them on while trying to run, she nearly falls trying to put her converse on.

She does finally get home she's panting and her whole body is frozen and warm at the same time. She throws her bag onto the floor and takes her shoe off and throws it at the fucking wall. She fucking hates everyone right now, but then Bethany is coming out of the kitchen with a bowl of cereal and a weird look on her face.

'Uh, you okay' She asks sitting on the couch and nodding for Stella to sit next to her

'Well I quit my job and nearly killed a guy with a glass bottle' Stella smiles a little because she feels surprisingly okay despite the humilation and loosing her only income

Bethany laughs and shakes her head 'oh Stells, you can never be tamed can you?'

'Maybe I should be a fucking cheetah for halloween then yeah?' Stella jokes but Bethany sits up and looks like she has a great idea

'You totally should Stella! I have a cheetah print leotard and we could just by ears and a tale with some fishnets'

'Thats so slutty, I was gonna go as a nun'

There silent for a second but then burst into laughter because Stella would never do that.

They talk a little more than they both decide to go to sleep since Stella is tired and wants to wash the sweat and the touches all those drunk wankers off her. After the shower she texts Collin to make sure to meet at her flat at 9 for the halloween party. Stella didnt want to go alone especially when Harry was going to be there, Stella couldnt live with herself if he got the slitest idea that she was lonely or whatever. She didnt need anyone looking down on her or feeling bad for her because she can never get a fucking break from the universe, so thats what Collin is for. He agrees to go, he's going to be meeting Stella at the flat along with all of her other friends. There going to use Luke's dads volkswagon van which is long and big and has enough space for everyone.

After her shower she falls asleep in her big white bed alone, with not a fuck to give.

-

Its dark where she is, all she can here is a fucking pounding noise and what sounds like a doorbell. When Stella opens her eyes its light out but the sun isnt up yet, she hears the banging continue and quickly gets out of bed and heads to the door in a fast pace

'For fucks sake' she whispers when she sees Zayn through the peep hole. She throws open the door and he grins at her and he has a very familiar black bag hung over his shoulder

'Happy Halloween motherfucker' he says while grinning and Stella cant help but grin and laugh a little because fuck Zayn is the only one who would go to Stella's house before the sun comes up just to go paint walls with graffiti.

'Make me some tea while I change, yeah? Make yourself useful Malik' she calls while changing into old black faded ripped jeans and a long sleeved black shirt. She washes her face, brushed her teeth and put her hair up in a high ponytail all in a span of 8 minutes which is a world record really. She comes out of her room and goes into the kitchen seeing Zayn drink his tea while eating some toast, he's also writing a note to Bethany telling her that they went out and would be back later.

'Well arent you a good wife' Stella jokes and hugs him from behind making him unable to move 'You smell good'

'Thanks, creep. Now hurry up we have to go' Zayns says through a mouth full of toast. Stella quickly stuffs the toast in her mouth and gulps down her tea

'Done lets go' she rushes out of the kitchen and into the hall and slips her small feet through her beat up black vans.

They walk close to each other to try and keep warm and Zayn leads the way to a building that he says needs there art. They talk about everything and Stella didnt know how much she missed Zayn until today, she hadnt seen him since him and Harry found her in the pouring rain and they still havent talked about it.

Zayn and Stella go down the stairs in the middle of town to get to the train, there isnt that much people since its 6 in the morning on a saturday. They take a seat on the old beat up bench and listen to a young guy sing a beatles song, he's seems soulful and Stella thinks that maybe he wanted to take music up on a career but no one supported him so here he is now trying to make it under the streets of London. The train arrives and they get up to go in but before they do Stella quickly runs over to the singing guy and slips in 10 quid and tells him to never give up because he's fucking talented. She runs back into the train and slides in next to Zayn and lays her head on his shoulder. His head is against the wall and his eyes are closed, and he is very beautiful and if anything were to happen to Zayn than Stella would most likely go insane.

They soon get to there destination and its a big brick wall, its the back of an apartment building thats facing the streets and you would be able to see there art for miles away.

Zayn sets the bag down and they start discussing what there going to do on the wall, they finally decide and with a wink from Zayn they put the rags over there nose and mouth and start to spray the bare wall. They dont talk for a while just focusing on the task and dont want to inhale the fumes that could take there very lives.

By the time the miral is done the sun is up and a few cars are passing by in the street. Its a girl with wild hair and wild eyes that has ripped up jeans and a tight tanktop and sort of looks a bit like Stella but she doesnt mention it. Beside it is writing that says 'If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission'. Zayn and Stella take a couple of steps back and look over there work, and Zayn is smiling so big; the side of his eyes are crinkling up and he is always so proud of his artwork and Stella couldnt be happier than to work with him on it. He throws his arm around her shoulder and pulls her close to him. He then walks to the black bag and starts putting the cans back in and Stella hands him the rags they used. He closes up the bag, stands up and is just about to speak but a police officer that was just walking around see's them and what they just did and thats fucking vandalism and there in deep shit. So they run and the officer is shouting after them and is a pretty fucking fast runner himself but Zayn and Stella are faster. They run all the way back to the train station and right when they get there the doors open and they immediatly get in, going all the way to the back to wave at the officer with shit eating grins as the train zooms past him.

They laugh there asses off on the way home and one person who gets on the train is selling cookies and Zayn and Stella by 5 packs and eat them on the way home. Its 11 by the time Stella and Zayn get back to Stella's flat and the flat the minute they walk in they can smell the food and they are bascially pulled into the kitchen. Theres laughter and talking and when they enter Liam, Bethany, Niall, Jade and of course fucking Harry. Harry is the one who is cooking and Stella silently curses him because fuck it makes him alot more attractive. Zayn and Stella great everyone and take seats at the table, they tell them about the wall and the officer and the cookies just everything.

They all go to the living room to talk more once there finished and Stella goes back into the kitchen to get more juice and put her plate away, when Harry walks in. He rest his head on his hands and watches Stella pour herself a glass and bends down to get the small vodka glass bottle out of the cabinet. She poures it into her drink takes a sip and Harry is still staring at her.

'What, Harry?' Stella finally huffs and he cracks a smile and Stella is trying to not smile along with him

'Your so beautiful you know that Stella?' he mumbles

'Oh shut up' she takes another drink to try and hide the blush

'No really you are, your _so beautiful_ but you dont believe it. You drown yourself in alcohal to try and feel something, but all you need is saving' Stella is in shock by Harrys words and she looks down at her cup and traces the rim with her fingers that have stains of paint. She feels him next to her suddenly and she cant breath and her tears are on the brink of falling over, Harry pulls her chin to look up at him gently and his eyes are big and green and fuck- tears are falling over now 'Let me be the one to save you' he mumbles and Stella is suddenly lost in the color of his eyes and her heart swells and she feels like crying and kissing him all at the same time.

But then she hears Niall's loud laugh from living room and she snaps out of it and steps a full 2 feet away from him and is shaking her head

'A friend, a friend is what I could really uses right now.' she doesnt meet his eyes but he's holding his hand out for her to shake

'Okay then, I'm Harry nice to meet you' he has a grin on his face and Stella shakes his hand and says 'Stella, lovely to meet you'

So thats just kind of how it went, it was there way of starting fresh and forgetting the bad and remebering the good.

It seems like time passes when Stella and Harry start to talk again, they spent the whole day laying around on the couch and talking and having tons of banter that they really needed to catch up on. She missed him so much and just having him here again with a smile bright on his face is really all she needs to go on. Its soon time for them to get ready for the Halloween party and Harry helps Stella dig through Bethanys closet to look for the stupid leotard.

She takes a shower and teases her hair a little big to make it bigger and more voluminous, she does her eyes dark all around with bright red lipstick. She wears the cheetah leotard and it has lace on the sides and its a bit small but it fits snug with her boobs looking intriging. When she's finished getting ready she calls Harry into her room so she could do his his makeup since he is being a pirate. He comes into her room with a box of makeup from Bethanys room and stops in his tracks when he see's Stella leaning over the counter applying her red lipstick. She can feel his prescence so she turns around, caps her lipstick and smiles at him

'Wow Stell, y-you look great' he stutters and blushes and Stella just rolls her eyes and smiles at him fondly. He walks over to her and he's just so much taller than she is and Stella loves that, loves looking up at him. She pulls herself up on the counter and beckons him to come closer, he hands her the box full of makeup and stands between her legs, she takes out all of the necassary suplies and starts to get black makeup on a brush and rim it around his eyes.

'You make the cutest little lion' Harry comments

'Im not cute im fierce' Harry laughs and his eyes crinkle up and the makeup smudges around but Stella doesnt know how to be mad about it anymore.

-

Everyone starts to come around 9 and there all having pre-game drinks in the living room waiting for Luke, Ashton and Calum to bring the van so they can all leave. Stella is currently talking with Niall, Jade, and Harry about there football turnaments that are coming up.

Stella can see Jesy walking over to them and she just looks really beautiful in her Godess costume 'Hey Stells, Collin is here'

Stella freezes and she curses herself for fucking forgetting that she invited him to the party.

'Who's Collin?' Harry ask his smile slowly fading

'Its Stella's boyfriend' Niall pipes in loudly and Stella winces because Harry expression is confused and a bit hurt. She see's Collin walking over and stella walks over to him and she curses him to because he looks really great wearing a bandana and a sleeveless vest.

'Collin' she tries to say excited but it comes out flat, he gives her a warm hug and leans down to peck her lips

'Didnt want to ruin your pretty makeup' he mumbles against her lips and Stella just smiles. She brings him over to her friends and introduces him to the ones he hasnt already met. Stella looks up at Harry and his jaw is clenched with a hard expression, and Stella suddenly regrets everything.

When the guys finally come everyone files into the van and Collin and Stella go to the way back and Harry sits in the second set of seats with Niall and Bethany. During the whole ride Collin and Stella talk quietly and his arm is around her shoulder but everything feels so wrong, espically with Harry looking back at them every 10 minutes.

After 2 hours of driving then getting lost and having to hear Liam and Louis fighting over the directions they get to the party that looks in full swing. They all get out of the van and take a quick group picture, then start heading inside. Its like every other party Stella has went to but everyone is dressed up, eather high, drunk or both. Everyone take two shots together before seperating and dancing or talking to other people.

Collin and Stella dance and drink and Collin just cant seem to stop kissing Stella deeply all the time, she doesnt mind but everytime they break apart for air she can spot Harry looking at them with sad eyes.

'Im gonna go get a drink then go to the bathroom' Stella shouts in Collins ear over the loud music

'Im gonna have a smoke' he shouts back and pecks Stella before disapeering into the crowd. Stella takes a deep breath before walking over to the bar and sitting in the stool next to Harry who's nursing a vodka tonic. She orders what he has but makes it a double

'Hey' she says scooting in closer to him to try and talk easier without yelling

'Hi' he doesnt even meet her eyes 'Enjoying your night?' he asks finally looking up at her

'Yeah im having a okay time' she shruggs with a small smile

'Why okay?' he asks and his eyes kind of look like the seaweed that lies in the ocean, all bright and dull at the same time

'It would be wonderful if you would come and dance with me' and Harry smiles big and bright and Stella nods her head towards the floor, grabs her drink and grabs his hand pulling towards the big group of people. Stella jumps around and shakes her hips already feeling the alcohal hit her strong, Harry and Stella always have fun when they dance and mess around with each other. Stella is turned around, there back together and there hips are grinding together to the beat and everything is going to great to be true because Collin is coming over jaw clenched with fire in his eyes.

He pushes Harry and everthing in Stellas mind is screaming _no no no no please no_. Collin grabs Stella's hand and pulls her away but Harry pushes Collin back and then theres punching and Stella is trying to break it up along with Liam and Zayn.

'She's my girl' She hears Collin yell

'You dont fucking deserve her' Harry yells back before there seperated and Harry just storms out wipping the blood from his nose. Collin comes over and tries to grab Stellas hand but she just pushes him away 'What the fuck is wrong with you?'

She pushes through the crowd to try and find Harry.

She goes out to the front were theres people smoking and talking, Stella tries to focus and concentrate on finding him, she goes down the street a little bit and finds him walking.

She calls his name but he doesnt stop walking, she tries to run but her boots are preventing that but she does finally catch up with him and stops him from walking

'Harry didnt you hear me calling you?' she asks out of breath but he doesnt even look at her

'Why dont you go back in there with your prick boyfriend' he mumbles still taking long strides away from her

'I wanted to see if you were alright first' she says trying to keep up with him

'Yeah, right' he mumbles

'Can you just wait a fucking second please?' she goes in front of him and holds his strong chest back 'I came out here to see if your okay and this is what I get?'

'Dont act like you fucking care Stella, I thought you were gonna stop with the whole fake act, yeah?' Harry spits and its obvoius that he's drunk but it still hits her like a ton of bricks

Her mouth gapes open and she cant believe her ears 'what the fuck? My whole entire fucking life i have been nothing but _myself!_ You dont _fucking know me and you never will!_ ' She shouts at him and she's so damn mad that she cant breath right. She gives him one last glare and walks past him back to the club

'Stella I didnt mean it!' she hears Harry call after her but she just throws her middle finger in the air and struts down the side walk reapeating in her mind over and over again _'Your okay your okay your okay'_

　

 


	8. eight

She is actually having the greatest time of her life at the moment. She isnt drunk but pleasently buzzed, high off the weed in the air and the boy behind her. Liam and Bethany and all of there friends have been dancing all night and drinking and just having a really great time. Bethany isnt sure what time it is and all she remembers is when there was a fight between Collin and Harry. She decided she wasnt going to get involved because she's honestly sick of having to deal with everyones problems so she's just going to deal with her own.

She continues to dance with Leigh-Anne, Jesy and Perrie and there all kind of grinding and dancing really close together. Bethany downs the rest of her drink and excuses her self to get another one. She meets Liam at the bar and he's talking to some people she doesnt know and he doesnt even really give her a second look, he just meets her eyes then continues to talk. Bethany is a little taken back but she's also getting drunker so she doesnt care at all much. She orders something with alot of vodka in it and nods to Liam beside her, silently telling the bartender that he's got it. She walks away making sure to swing her hips in her basically second skin which is her leather cat woman suit. She borrowed Stella's highest black high heel boots and put her long hair into a high pony tail, her eyes are rimmed in black with cherry red lipstick. Sometime has passed since then and her hair is fanned around her and her lipstick is slightly faded, she decides to go to the booth were Zayn, Stella and Louis are talking. She slides in next to Louis and joins the conversation. Its something about football and Bethany cant bring herself to be interested, instead she watches Liam from afar. She's a bit hurt for the lack of attention she got from him infront of his friends, but the hurt suddenly turns into jelousy when she see's a tall blonde walk over to Liam and his group of friends. Bethany watches a bit longer and she seems more intriged in Liam than any of his other friends, she's laughing way to much and touches his arm way to often. She tries to look away but she cant, and all she see's is red and her neck is getting hotter.

'Hey, Beth are you alright?' she can here Zayn ask her but she just looks at him furoisly

'Why?' she snaps not meaning to take her anger out on him

'Because you have been staring at Liam for 5 straight minutes' Stella intergects a small smile gracing her lips

'Well just look how that blonde bitch is touching him! There basically having eye sex' Bethany says while glaring at them

'Im sure its nothing, she's probably just a but drunk' Zayn says nonchaletly but Bethany feels anger rise in her more.

'I have never seen you like this Bethany, wow' Stella almost laughs because its actually true, Bethany is never the one to get really angry over someone. But the thing is that she feels that she went through to much with Liam to let it all slip through her fingers and for some leggy blondie? Bethany wouldnt have it.

'If I were you I would go show that bitch who's boss' Louis finally pipes up

'I could go for a good fight right about now actually' Zayn says finally agreeing with the rest of them

'Jesus christ what the hell is this, your all so possesive' Stella says and huffs out a laugh along with Louis and Zayn.

Just then Bethany downs her drink, downs Zayns shot then downs Louis' and walks over to were Liam is standing with his group of friends and the blonde bitch. She quickly interlocks there finger and smiles at the girl

'Hi babe' she says innocently and pecks him on the cheek. Liam then introduces Bethany to his group of guys he was talking to but not the blondie. If looks could kill Bethany would be dead

'You can go now' Bethany gives her a grin and the blonde girl rolls her eyes and walks away. Liam then takes his hand away from Bethanys and just glares at her

'What the hell?' Liam snaps

'What?' Bethany shruggs her shoulders and takes a sip from Liams drink and he just sighs and smiles wrapping his arms around her waste and kissing her neck lightly while mumbling how good Bethany looks in her skin tight jump suit. Bethany brings his head forward so that there lips are aligned and lightly whispers _'I know'_ then she walks off into the sea of people on the dance floor still sipping at Liams drink

-

Bethany wakes up in 3 differant places that night, the first being carried out to the van by Liams strong arms, the air is cold and she snuggles closer to him. The party seems over because the club is quiet and everyone is walking to there cars or someplace else. Liam puts Bethany on the ground and helps her climb into the car, she sits by the window and drapes her legs across Liams lap and falls alseep.

The second time she's shooken awake, and its Liam telling her that there at a mcdonalds and she needs food in her. She sits up and Liam helps her out of the car and the air is freezing. She tells liam she wants 20 chicken nuggests with a large fries and a mcflurry, then she goes and sits with Niall, Stella and Luke. She feels very tired and very hungry with a pounding headache at the same time. She cant remember that much just dancing and drinking a shit load

'What the hell happend?' Bethany asked and Niall laughs

'You got fucked up Beth, never gonna forget it' he laughs more and Bethany groans putting her head on the cold table.

'Oh god, what did I do?' Bethany says and sits up again pulling her hair into a pony tail

'You danced on the bar a bit' Stella shruggs and Bethany wonders how she's not totally fucked up like she is

'And you climbed over the bar and stole a jack daniels bottle' Luke adds while laughing

'You also managed to steal two more bottles without getting caught and there currently in the car' Niall says almost laughing

'That probably explains the headache' Bethany says and she cant help but laugh a little because fuck she did have a great time. Liam comes with the food and gives everyone what they orderd and sits next to Stella. They sit in silence for a few minutes all just scarffing there food since none of them have eatin in 5 hours

'Hey, where the fuck is Harry?' Niall blurts out and Bethanys eyes go wide, she scans the booths that are filled with her friends laughing and eating

'Didnt he come back in the club?' Luke asks through a mouth full of cheeseburger

'All I remember is him fighting with Collin then leav- Stella where the fuck is Harry' Bethany says seriously but she just shruggs

'Stella where in North London right now about an hour and a half away from home, he cant be walking the streets all by himself' Liam says with pleading eyes

'Look, I went out there to see if he was okay and try to get him to go back in but he wasnt having it. Plus he said some pretty fucked up things to me, so he just walked off' Stella says like she couldnt care less about him

'What do we do?' Bethany asks

'He'll be fine, one of our friends lives aound here hes probably sleeping there right now' Niall interjects with a reassuring smile

'Your sure?' Luke asks

'Yeah dont worry babes' Niall shovels in the rest of his food and so does the rest of them. Once everyone is finished they all pile into the van and the sun in slowly coming back up. And its great actually, they all watch the sunrise together with the group _'Daughter'_ playing lightly through the speakers. Bethany makes sure to engrave this moment into her mind forever

Everyone decideds to just crash at Stella and Bethanys flat. Everyone just pushes through the door, Jesy and Jade share the couch, Luke in the recliner, Zayn, perrie, Niall and Louis all on the floor. While Leigh-Anne and Stella share her bed and Micheal, Ashton and Calum are on her floor. Bethany and Liam give everyone a blanket and try to make up pillows for everyone then they head off to Bethanys room. In a matter of time the whole house is dead silent except for the soft snores.

The third time Bethany wakes up its because of a loud crash in the kitchen. The sun is streaming in from her window and it looks really late in the day, she turns over and Liam isnt there. She quickly remembers that all of her friends are over at her flat and she groans because the pain had just hit her head like a tons of bricks. She goes into the bathroom and her eyes are black and her hair is a knotted mess, she strips off her t-shirt that she was wearing and goes into the shower.

When she's finished she just puts on sweats and a hoddie and lets her hair to dry. She exits her room and pads down the hall towards the kitchen were all the shouting is happening. Its Louis and Jesy having a bit of a banter and Bethany is guessing its about the pan full of eggs on the floor. Stella is laughing about it with Zayn and Liam is trying to make tea but keeps beeing pushed back by Louis. Its loud in the kitchen and in the living room since Niall, Calum and Micheal are having an intense FIFA battle. But everyone who isnt in the kitchen are just lounging about drinking coffee or tea and talking.

She goes around hugging everyone and asking them if they slept okay even though it wasnt the most comfortable place on the floor or bed. And thats just how she is, she needs to know if everyone is okay because she would want the same treatment.

She gets to Liam last and slowly walks over to him, she gets fistfuls of his shirt and pulls herself onto her tiptoes to get to his lips easier. She hovers over his lips for a moment before bringing his soft lips to hers and there mouths start slotting together. Bethany feels electricity go through her everytime there lips touch and she really cant get enough of it. They pull back for air and Stella lets go of his shirt and down from her tippy toes and just hugs him, she breathes in his scent and just kind of remembers the way his body feels against hers. She doent know why she just doesnt want something to happen and then forget the way everything feels.

-

Once everyone leaves and its just Stella and Bethany alone in there flat is when it happens. Bethany was just putting all of the dirty dishes into the dishwasher while listening to Stella's story of how she got fired when the pain hit her so fucking hard. A sharp stabbing pain like was in her side and it was almost blinding, she groaned out and bent over holding her side tightly. Stella quickly came over to her side and was almost panicking

'Are you okay, oh my god Bethany' she kept saying and soon the pain faded away

'Yeah, yeah im fine just a cramp' she reassured

'That didnt seem like a fucking cramp to me Beth'

'Im fine really' Once Bethany complety reassured Stella she finally left her alone. She finished the dishwasher and felt really tired so she told Stella she was going to take a quick nap.

Bethany didnt want to admit it but the pain was so excrutiating that it was actually scary, she had never felt anything like that in her life. She worried a bit more but eventually brushed it off because it was probably nothing at all. Just a cramp, right?

 


	9. nine

The fact that she has been ignoring the big seaweed colored eyes staring at her for at least 10 minutes has to be a record or something. Stella decides she isnt normal because if she was then she would have given up and excepted his apologies along time ago. But Stella isnt normal, and she is very stubborn and doesnt like when people can just walk in and out of her life when they please. She hates anyone who will do that to her unless your Harry Styles, she can never hate him even though she tries very hard she just cant.

So she's sat here on the couch with her arms crossed trying to pay attention to the awful reality tv that is on while Harrys head is right beside her small thighs, his long legs are sprawled everywhere and he hasnt left Stella's face at all which should also be a record. Just in that moment Bethany comes bustling from her room pulling on her thick coat shoes in hand.

'Alright im off, I have a fucking exa- oh Hi Harry' she stops and smiles brightly and he gets up and bear hugs Bethany putting a wet slobbery kiss on her cheek 'Remind me to never say hello to you again' and Harry just laughs his big loud really fucking cute laugh and suddenly Stella cant take it anymore.

She gets up and slaps Harry across the face and its a loud fucking slap and Bethany has stopped chattering about how she's going to try and cook something for dinner tonight, she's just staring her mouth gaped open and Harry looks just as shocked holding his cheek with hurt in his eyes.

'Fuck you' Stella simply states with a hard expression. Bethany then brings Stella into a hug and kisses her cheek and tells Harry that theres frozen carrots in the freezer for that slap then she's gone and the only sound is coming from the show 'Chopped' on the telly.

'What the fuck!' Harry shouts at Stella and she just leans down on her hip and crosses her arms and stares up at him

'I dont know who you think you fucking are but you cant just come in and out of my life as you please. You cant just make me feel like shit all the time, I'll end up going mad. So if this _'friendship thing'_ is gonna work out then I suggest you stop being a dick about everything and sit and eat and watch telivision with me.' With that Stella goes and sits down on the couch and continues to watch her cooking show, while Harry is staring at her from his standing position probably thinking whether he should leave or lay back down on the couch.

He decides to go back to the couch and hug her from the side really hard and nuzzle his face into her neck 'Your my bestfriend Stella and I love you' he mumbles and Stella just snorts

'Never been more friendzoned harder in my life' Harry just laughs lightly and they continue to watch Stella's favorite cooking show.

-

Hours pass and Stella is getting restless, her and Harry watched two more episodes of 'Chopped', played a game of monoply and even played rock, paper, scissors for who would be banker. Harry made them sandwhiches while Stella made them chocolate milk. So there currently just laying on the floor in the living room trying to entertain themselves. Until they both finally decide to go for a walk

They leave Stella's building going in a direction that they both dont know, they just decide to walk and see where it takes them. The sun is going down slowly and its getting colder out but neather of them care. Stella finally comes to a halt when they walk past an alley and she sees the pool, the water is bright blue illuminated from the lights under the water and she suddenly knows what to do.

'Harry lets go swimming' Stella is acting like she had never seen a pool before. She walks over to the tall metal gate and grabs the bars and peers through it at the silky water

'Noo I dont feel like getting wet' he groans and Stella frowns

'Come on, Harold dont be a buzz kill' Stella says and tries climbing up the fence but fails

'We can get caught and sent to bloody jail' Harry huffs but Stella just starts to beg him and he finally gives in. He lifts Stellas small body up the bars and she climbs up and straddles it trying not to fall off, but Stella doesnt succede and lands on the cold floor with a thud and a strike of pain shooting up her back

'Stella!' Harry yells in shock and quickly pulls himself over and lands sort of steady at her side. He rubs her hair out of her face and she opens her eyes slowly, a bright smile envolopes her face and she shoots up and pulls of her t-shirt and shimmies off her shorts. She stands on the edge for a second before jumping in with a scream, the water is freezing against her body but it feels so good and she suddenly feels more alive then she ever had. The minute she gets to the surface she sees Harry's long and lanky body jumping into the pool and she's brought back under the water. There both laughing when they come up for air and Stella feels like she could live off this moment forever, Harrys hair pushed back and his dimples more prominent than ever.

They splash around for awhile and swim around and Harry just looks so beautiful in the sunset, and its really cold but Stella doesnt care because this-right now is the moments she lives for.

After a few hours they here a faint shout and then footsteps running towards the gate and its a security gard running over to them. They quickly pull themselves out of the pool and grab there clothes that were thrown carelessly around, Stella looks around and see's a small brick wall on the other side of the pool and grabs Harrys hand and pulls him to the direction. He quickly lifts Stella over the wall and jumps over it himself, he doesnt get over it peacefully over it though because he lands face first onto soft grass. And Stella is shouting and laughing at him to get up because the security guard in running over to them quicker now, Harry quickly gets to his feet and they run back towards Stella's flat clothes in hand and cold air in there face.

Once they get into the flat there both in hysterics and shuffle into the warm flat and Bethany comes out of the kitchen holding a bell pepper with the most confused expression on her face. Stella laughs harder at that then Harry does and soon Bethany joins in and there all in hysterics because Harry and Stella are soaking wet in there underwear laughing.

Later on when there clothes are washing and there cozy in warm sweats and sweaters they tell Bethany everything that happend

'Your always getting in trouble with the law arent you Stella?' Bethany laughs and Stella just shruggs and nods. Bethany tries to make this weird vegitable lasagnas but ends up burning it horribly and Harry ends up making fajitas for them instead and Stella thinks this is what a perfect night consisit of.

-

Its 4am and Harry is sprawled out on the floor sound asleep and Bethany and Stella are sitting on the couch just talking softly when Stella brings it up.

'Lets go to New York'

'What?' Bethany says a small smile gracing her lips

'Me and You lets go to New York, like we wanted to when we were 16' Stella says in all seriousness

'Stell- we have Uni and not alot of money and-'

'Dont focus on the bad things focus on the good Beth, Louis is getting me a job at the tea shop he works at, we can save money and find out ways'

'But what about getting over there and where are we gonna stay and summer is really close'

'Beth, listen to me we can do it. Dont you wanna see the world? New York is like a dream that we need to experiance'

Bethany laughs lightly because wow New York it does sound like a dream 'This summer?'

'This summer. We can go to the highest building and go on the roof and just scream to the sky' Stella says looking dreamly at the sky

'Shopping in New York would be nice' Bethany mumbles

'And think about all the underground bands, Beth. The partys there are probably wicked' Bethany laughs at that and she sighs happily

'Yeah- yeah okay'

'Really?'

'Yeah, New York this summer me and you'

Over time they start to save money in jars and stuff them all in the back of Stella's closet, they walked around town and went into gas station's that had brochures that told you all about New York and what you could do there and a bunch of other stuff. They even hang up a map in the living room and mark the places they want to visit with Bethanys neon pink highlighter because there going in the summer for sure.

And maybe the universe is giving her a break this time.

 


	10. ten

Bethany is getting more and more afraid everyday, it was not only fear but the anxiety was so strong that she would shake. She would feel a pain in the side that hurt so bad that it left her breathless, she always felt tired and felt shitty _all the time_ and none of it ever went away. The pain in her side would come but at the worst times, like if she was out shopping with Liam she would get it when she was trying on a dress or when she was doing her laps for swimming she would get it and have to stop. The pain and the tiredness and general shitty mood started to take over her life, and she was scared. Afraid that this ment something horrible was happening to her, so she just brushed it off everytime it happend. She didnt want anyone to worry or for herself to worry to much eather. Even though all of these things were happening she refused to go to the doctor, she was afraid that it wasnt going to end well and she didnt want that, she doesnt want to here him say the words, she doesnt want anyone to be let down especially Stella, she had to be strong for her because if she wasnt then no one would be.

Bethany was currently in her bathroom curling her hair and listening to Liam chatting about how his sister was coming to town next weekend. She would ask a few questions here and there but mainly just listening, they were both getting dressed because it was Micheal's birthday dinner tonight. Bethany was sporting a short beige long sleeved knit dress with black tights and black ankle stilletos while Liam was wearing a black button up and jeans, Bethany always makes sure they match somehow because thats just the way she is. Bethany started to curl the last piece of hair when it hit her, the sharp stabbing pain in her side and she dropped the curling iron and it burned her wrist. She screamed in pain from her side and her burning wrist, tears started to well in her eyes and spill over. Liam came in the room and he was shocked to find Bethany crying and clutching her side in pain.

'Babe, what happend?' he shouted franitcally, but the pain soon faded away and she stood up straight slowly wincing slightly

'I just had a cramp, and burned myself' she sniffled while holding her wrist that was now stained in purple

'You looked like you were in tons of pain Beth, are you sure your okay?' he asked while running her wrist under the cold water

'Yes im fine, they just happen every now and then' she mumbled

'I think you should see a doctor'

'No! I mean I really dont think thats necassary' she said frantically and Liam was confused as ever, he stared at her for a moment before Stella was coming into the bathroom clutching two differant pairs of shoes, she stopped talking when she saw Bethanys wrist and her tear stained cheeks

'Are you okay?' she asked questionaly

'Yes Im fine, just burned my self' Bethany rolled her eyes at all the attention given to her for nothing at all

'Im just asking sassy, anyway what shoes should I wear?' she was holding nude stilletos and burgendy flats. She was wearing a white knit sweater with a burgendy high wasted skirt and see through tights.

'I think flats. Liam?' she turned to him and he looked in deep concentration on her outfit

'I think the heels. You dont want to much burgendy' and Bethany furrowed her eye brows and watched Stella slip on her pumps

'Your sopposed to be on my side!' she stomped the ground jokingly

'Who says you have the better fashion sense?' Liam said and Stella laughed loudly and Bethany mocked horror

'Alright I got you' Bethany said and left the room while Liam followed her laughing loudly. They all finaly go into the car and start driving towards Harry's apartment and Liam feels like he cant let go of the subject of Bethanys horrible cramp

'Bethany you should go see a doctor' her says but Bethany just sighs

'Why would I when its not even serious' she mumbles

and just then Stella decides to join the conversation 'You talkin about Beth's cramps?' and Liam nods 'Yeah I see her get them alot'

'See it could be serious! I dont want you to be hurt' Liam says sternly but before she could answer there at Harry's building and Stella gets out of the car to knock on the door, she watches him open the door and they share a hug, then Niall comes out and Stella gives him a hug also. They all make there way to the car as fast as they can because its starting to rain harder

'Liam im not going to the doctor' Bethany says but chooses the wrong time because Niall and Harry must have heard while entering the car

'Doctor? Beth are you okay?' Harry says giving her a peck on the cheek and giving one to Liam also

'Your not like pregnant or anything right?' Niall says also pecking her and Liam on the cheek but she just slaps his face when he plants the kiss on her cheek

'No im fine and I am not pregnant, Niall' Bethany says getting more annyoned

'Then whats wrong with ya?' Nialls asks

'She has these weird cramps and stuff and they look pretty fucking painful' Stella blurts and Bethany turns around to look at her sharply to glare at her

'Uh- oh, you could have a pancreas problem, Beth' and Liam almost swerves the car when hearing Harry say that

'What the fuck does that mean?' he asks already starting to panic

'Im sure I dont have that, I'm fine' Bethany continues to say but is getting more unsure

'You could have it removed if anything' Harry continues and they start to talk about Bethanys health like they know what she's going through and Liam is acting like her fucking mother demanding things of her

'You guys I'm fucking fine alright?! I dont need _any of you_ to decide things for me' she finaly shouts over there loud talking voices and the rest of the car ride is silent. When they get to the resturant they get out of the car and Bethany immediatly starts to walk away from the car with Niall. He puts his arm around her shoulder and whispers in her ear

'Dont be mad Beth, just lookin out for ya' and Bethany suddenly isnt to annoyed because how could someone ever be mad at Niall? They walk in together with Liam trailing behind slowly, Bethany says hello and hugs everyone. She takes her seat next to Perrie and Zayn when Liam sits next to her, when he sits down he takes Bethany's hand that was sitting in her lap and intertwines there fingers. He brings there hands up together and kisses the back of Bethanys hand and she cant help but smile and blush a bit, she cant stay mad at Liam eather.

The dinner goes quite well and it was a great time, but since Micheal turned 18 they all wanted to get him drunk when he's actually legal but Bethany wasnt in the clubbing mood. She felt weak and tired and just wanted to go home and sleep, so she told Liam and he agreed.

The ride home was full of Liam and his apoligies on how he shouldnt pressure her into doing anything she isnt comfortable with and how he was being a overreacting dick. She just kissed his cheek and said its okay and that its nice that someone cares for her like he does. Once they get home she takes her dress and shoes off and decides to just sleep in her tights and bra since she didnt have any energy to take it all off. She snuggles into the white comfortater and cant even open her eyes but feels liam turn the light off and slide in next to her, he wraps his arm around her waste and snuggles into her backside closely.

She doesnt open her eyes but mumbles 'I'll go to the doctor Liam, but I'm scared'

Liam sits up in bed but doesnt say anything just looks down at Bethanys tired face and leans down and kisses her temple lightly.

-

Bethany is currently sat outside on the curb across the street from the doctors office and is contemplating on whether or not to go in or not. She lights a ciggarette just to ease her nerves, Bethany doesnt really ever smoke just sometimes when she needs to calm down. She gets up every so often and walks a couple of steps towards the big sliding doors that lead you into the hostpitol but then Bethany thinks about what will happen and she gets afraid and walks back to the curve and smokes another ciggarette. She isnt afraid she's _terrified_ of finding out whats wrong with her because she knows something is terribly wrong and maybe Bethany did a bit of research before she actually came and what she found scared her far more than it should have. She doesnt even want to think about what is going to happen to her so she just sucks on her ciggarette harder and closes her eyes. She rocks back and forth a little and rest her forehead on the palm of her head and just tries to get her thoughts together. She sits there for about an hour and watches the sun break through the clouds ever so often, its a really lovely day in London so Bethany decides to wear burgendy high wasted shorts with ripped up tights and a cream sweater pairing it with black fans, her hair is up in a messy bun thing. Its a little edgy for what she usually wears but she decided to dig through Stella's closet a bit earlier in the day just to procrastinate.

Bethanys thoughts were interupted when someone suddenly sat next to her on curb. And the person was so familair and she was actually shocked to find Sam staring at her with light in his eyes. She wasnt afraid, she had learned to not be afraid of anyone anymore. She just blew the smoke out of her mouth and looked over at him and leaned her head down on her shaky knees.

'Hi' he finally whisperd

'Hi' she mumbled back and she was sort of glad to see him even though he hurt her for so many months, Bethany learned to forgive but never forget.

'So why are you sat across the street from the hospital?' he asks and Bethany just shruggs

'I was told I needed to see a doctor because my body is giving out on me' Bethany joked even though it was pretty much true

'Then why arent you in the doctors office trying to find out whats wrong?' he asked and Bethany just put her head back down to her knees and was silent for a long moment

'Because Im scared' she mumbled and tears started to sting at her eyes

'Dont be scared, Beth. Your the strongest person I know' he put his arm over her shoulder and it sort of soothed her a bit

'Im not strong at all, Sam' she looked up at him and wiped at the stray tears on her cheek

'Yes you are, if you went through what I put you through and your still here than your fucking strong Bethany' his eyes were far away and sad and Bethany's eyes started to fill up again

'Dont' she whispers and she fianly started to cry, fat drops of her tears pouring out of her eyes like she hadnt cried in 4 years. Maybe it was because it had been so long since her and Sam actually had a proper talk about what had happend between them, or maybe it was because she was terrified.

'Hey dont be upset, alright? You have to be strong, Beth.' Sam said and that kind of set her off, she got up and pushed her ciggarette back into her mouth, she took a long drag and tears were pouring out faster and all Bethany is angry. She's frightend, angry and sad.

She blows out the smoke and flicks the cancer stick away before turning to Sam 'Im tired of being fucking strong, you know how long I had to fucking stick it out because I was afraid? I was afraid for a long time because of you!' she screamed and Sam just looked down and started to nod slowly 'and now you cant even look at me!' she was screaming now and people who were walking around them gave them confused looks 'You beat me almost everyday, you made me feel like a worthless bitch and made me think that everyone went through this, you made me think that I deserved every single beating you gave me. You made me think that love didnt exist, but you know what Sam? It does fucking exist because I found it! I am in love with someone and he's in love with me and I couldnt be happier' Bethany could see tears falling slowly down his cheeks and she slowly feels a weight being lifted off her shoulders. 'Look at me, Sam' she says softly and he lifts his head up slowly and his bright eyes are filled with tears. 'But thats in the past now and I learned to forgive but I will never forget. So right now I need you to be strong for me'

Sam nodded his head slowly and wiped his cheeks and brought Bethany into a hug and Bethany was so relieved that she just melted into the hug while listening to Sam whisper 'Im sorry's'

'Go into the doctor's Bethany, im going to be right here when you come out' Sam said finaly

'Promise?'

'Promise'

So Bethany went into the hospital and they did some test on her and they would call her back in when the results came back, she was slowly relieved because it didnt seem like a big deal, like everything was going to be okay after all. Bethany knew that everything was going to be okay because when she saw Sam sitting on the curb across the hospital when the test were done she knew that the universe couldnt hate her that much.

　


	11. eleven

Stella was suddenly woken up by a hand shaking her and a deep raspy voice calling her name. She snapped her eyes open and saw Harry's half open eyes, he was shaking her lightly and saying her name

'What, Harry' she mumbled than closed her eyes

'Its your sister' he mumbled and Stella's eyes shot open and she sat up taking the phone from him.

'Hello?'

'Stella, Its Amber! Its so good to hear from you again!'

'Erm, hi Amber'

'How have you been little sis? You never call anymore'

'I've just been busy with college'

'Right, I didnt wake you up or anything did I? You sound tired'

'You actually did, so whats up?'

'So sorry, I always knew you were a late sleeper. Erm im getting married'

Stella almost starts to choke on her saliva

'Really? I mean thats great! Is it Chad?'

'His name is Eric and I was hoping you could be in the wedding? I would love if you would be my maid of honor'

'Really? Me? You want _me to be your maid of honor?_ '

'If you would please.'

'Why not get one of your annoying friends to do it or something?'

'Because none of my annoying friends can compare to my sister. Listen, I know we havent been on the best terms but your my bestfriend and my wedding day wouldnt be complete if you arent there next to me at the alter'

'Wow, erm yeah, okay. I'll do it'

' _Thats so ace! Thank you so much Stella, the wedding is in a week and in London so it wont be to far from your college. Maybe we can meet up for dinner and we can talk more, yeah?'_

'Yeah okay. I'll call you later'

'Alright see you later. Love you'

Then the line is dead and Stella drops the phone on the floor beside her and she suddenly feels like she cant breath.

'So your in a wedding' Harry says after a few moments of silence. She looks down at him, he's laying on the floor by the couch with a bunch of blankets wrapped around him. Stella rolls off the couch and lands on him and he groans, she lays next to him and goes under the layers of blankets.

'My sister is getting married.' she says disbelieving her own words. Her sister has always been the type to not stay with one guy for a very long time. She would go through at least 10 guys every month back when Stella was in grade school. So it was a bit of a shock to see her finally settling down. 'My fucking sister is getting married'

'And your in the wedding'

'Im the _fucking maid of honor'_ she is in even more shock by that. Amber and Stella are very different and have never gotten along very well at all. They would always fight and Amber was always the favorite and always acted like she was better than Stella. She was one of the reason why Stella left her home in the first place and to be invited and in her wedding is a shocker.

'Why do you sound so shocked?' Harry asks turning over to face her

'Because we fucking hate each other. I mean me and her dont get along at all and I dont even know why I said yes to her stupid maid of honor invitation'

'Well she is your sister Stella. You only have this chance once, and maybe since your all grown up and she's all grown up things will be different. Just give it a chance, yeah?' Harry says with his wide stupid green eyes and his wild curly hair.

'Why do you have to be so perfect' Stella groans and Harry just smirks

'Will you go with me to wedding?' Stella mumbles into the carpet

'Of course Im going, free alcohal and cake? Damn, right Im going' Stella laughs harder than she should and Harry just smiles this beautiful dimply smile that makes Stella want to shoot herself.

He gets up and goes to the kitchen and Stella calls after him 'remind me why we arent dating again?'

'Because your a stubborn little girl' Harry calls back and Stella gets up and goes after him

'Little? I could give you the beating of your life, Styles' Stella tries to get in his face but isnt tall enough even on her tippy toes

'Do you take boxing 3 times a week, Courage?' Harry says bending down to her height

'Nope but I could still take you down' and Harry just starts tickling her sides and she immediatly starts screaming and laughing and trys to get away. She runs away from Harry and he's screaming after her and she runs into Bethanys room and jumps on her bed and on top of Bethany. She groans loudly and Harry then jumps on top of Stella and she's screaming and laughing while Bethany is screaming curses at them. But all Stella can do is laugh.

-

'So guess who's getting married' Stella says to Bethany after they all get off of Bethanys bed and sit in the kitchen and talk and drink tea while Harry makes pancakes.

'Certainly not the hand walking queer!' Bethany shouts and Stella and her just laugh loudly because its a bit of a insider for them.

'Amber is getting married and wants _me,_ me to be the maid of honor Bethany.'

' _No_ '

'Yes!'

'Thats an actual fucking shock, jesus I actually cant contain my excitement for you Stella!' She says saractically and Stella just snickers

'I know and Im having lunch with her later on today!' and Bethany and Stella just make these yelling noises and Harry is watching confused as ever

'Okay hold on, Im fucking confused please explain to me what is happening' he finally says after setting down a plate full of many pancakes. They eat and procede to tell Harry about the many stories and reasons why it isnt a good idea to put them two into a room together and why its such a joke between Stella and Bethany.

'Wait so your actually going to be her maid of honor?' Bethany asks with a small smile on her face and wide eyes

'Well I dont kn-' she's cut off by a doorbell ringing, before she get up she shoves more pancakes into her mouth and walks towards the door

'Pig!' Harry calls after her and Stella goes back to the kitchen just to flip him off, he laughs loudly and Stella just smiles fondly.

Shocked is an actual understatement for Stella when she see's her sister Amber with a huge grin on her face when she opens the door.

Amber practically jumps on Stella while giving her a hug and she's screaming and laughing and just overall so happy to see her younger sister

'Amber' she says pulling away to look at her sister, she's wearing a red sweater with black tights and high heel boots, her curly hair is straight and her sister is actually really beautiful. 'Its great to see you'

'I missed you so much Stella' she mumbled and brings her back for a hug.

'I missed you to. How do you know where I live? Oh my god your pregnant!' Stella shouts looking at the bump growing on her sisters body

'Mum of course, she's here in London as well, Isnt it exciting?' Amber says happily pointing to her stomach and Stella just rolls her eyes at the thought of seeing her mum again and is actually not really shocked to see her pregnant

'Do you live here alone?' Amber asks while taking her coat off and setting it down on the couch

'I dont actually' Stella leads her to the kitchen where Harry and Bethany are eating and talking, they all look like shit since they just woke up and Harry doesnt even have a shirt on and his fucking butterfly tattoo is in full view for her sister. 'I live here with Bethany, you remember her right?'

'Yes of course! Bethany hi how are you!' Bethany gets up and they share a hug

'And this is Harry our dear friend' Stella is grinning just mentioning him. He gets up and gives her sister a hug. Bethany, Stella and Amber all talk in the kitchen while Harry goes to put a shirt on

'So your getting married?' Stella says once she's made her sister a cup of tea. She hasnt actually talked to her sister face to face like this in about 2 years

'I am and Im very excited' she says happily and Stella cant help but be happy for her sister because all she ever talked about is getting married to the man of her dreams

'Right so whats he like?' Stella asks

'You havent met him have you?' and Stella shakes her head no 'You will tonight, everyone is going to dinner'

'I dunno if I can make it' Stella says just because she doesnt want to go

'Oh but you have to Stella, your my maid of honor. Bethany can go and so can Harry' she pleads and Stella rolls her eyes and looks at Bethany. Bethany just raises her eyebrows and nods her head a little bit

'Alright _we_ will be there' Stella finaly says and Amber does this little happy squel thing

'Where are we going!' Harry shouts while running into the kitchen

'To the dinner tonight regarding my wedding' Amber says looking up at Harry, he just smiles at her and for about an hour they all just talk and Harry charms the shit out of Amber and Stella is reminded why she loves him so much. They talk about the wedding and Ambers baby for awhile but soon Ambers phone rings and she announces she must go

'I will see you lot tonight, alright?' she hugs Bethany and Harry and Stella walks her to the door 'Are you and him you know together?' Amber whispers to Stella while she puts her coat on

'Oh no, just friends' Stella smiles

'I would get it together with him soon, Stells. Its not every day that someone looks at you with light in there eyes. Trust me I've went through plently of guys to know' She hugs Stella and kisses her cheek and shouts a goodbye before she's gone again. Stella is a bit shocked at what she says and goes back into the kitchen and takes a look at Harry and realizes that she's waited her whole life for someone like Harry, and for once her sister might actually be right.

-

A whole week has went by and it possibly could be the most busy week of her life. The whole week has been filled with dress fitings and rehearsals and dinner partys and meeting way to much of her extended family in one week. Not to mention talking to her mum for the first time in a year. What was shocking is that Stella and her sister havent had one fight since they've been together, maybe Harry was right that maybe they grew up and started to be there for each other. And Stella was actually _there_ this time, everytime her sister had a stress breakdown and started to act all dramatic with the crying she was there to hug her and coo things to help her calm down. And her sister and her mum and half of her family didnt judge her for wearing her combats to her grandfathers dinner birthday party and they dont care that she rims her eyes in black and wheres dark colors all the time anymore. They are all just happy to see her and happy that she's in college and she's trying to find out what she wants to do in life. And that makes Stella happy that she can actually be herself and it feels great to know the people your naturally connected with wont judge your every move.

So Stella comes through the door at midnight and she's tired as hell because the rehearsal dinner had just ended and the wedding is tommrow and she's nervous. She didnt bring Harry or Bethany or Zayn with her for the dinner because it was just a family thing so she's been on her own the whole night and thats okay but she doesnt want to be alone tonight. If there was lonely nights like these she would usally just sleep with Bethany but Bethany is staying at Liams tonight and the flat is cold and dark. So she goes to her room and pulls on sweats and a t-shirt and calls Harry while she takes her makeup off.

'Hello?'

'Hi'

'Stella what happend? You alright?'

'Im fine Harold, I just dont want to be alone'

'Stella its fucking 12:30 what you want me to do?'

'Come over and cuddle'

'But im tired and I dont want to leave my bed'

'Harry please I will make you breakfast tommrow'

'Your shit at cooking'

'I'll buy you breakfast tommrow'

'Steeeeellllllaaaaaa'

'Haaaaarrryyyyyyy'

'Alright fine I'll be there in 10'

'Love you'

Then the line was dead, Stella takes the rest of her makeup off and brushes her teeth and puts her hair up. She then goes into the kitchen and drinks a glass of water and sits on the counter playing games on her phone until there was a knock on the door. She gets up quickly and answers the door, its really cold and windy outside and Harry is in a hoodie and sweats and he looks really tired. He comes in the house and Stella immedialy brings him into a hug and shes just so happy to see him. They both go into stella's room and he takes off his hoodie and is bare underneath, Stella snuggles into Harry's side and he wraps his arm around her and kisses her forhead.

'Thank you Harry' Stella whispers

'Anything for you Stells' he says slowly and Stella can already tell that he's falling asleep

'Im going to be in a wedding tommrow' Stella says again and is to happy to actually explain

'That you have to be up early for so sleep' Harry says and his eyes are closed and Stella already misses the green.

'I love you Harry' Stella says after a moment

'Love you to' he mumbles back and then there asleep

-

Her alarm goes off at 7:30 and Harrys the one who turns it off and he wakes up Stella and tells her its time to get up. She takes a quick shower but doesnt really get ready or anything because the hair and makeup team that Amber hired are going to do that for her. When she gets out of the shower she see's Harry making them both tea and reading some magazine in the kitchen, she pecks him on the cheek and drinks her tea while Harry's telling her about his dream that he had the night before. When its time for Stella to go she stands by the door putting her coat on and slipping on her vans, Harry promises that he will be at the service and the reception and also says he will bring along a few of there friends. Stella gives him another hug and thanks him but before she leaves she leanes up again and kisses his lips soft and short then she's gone. And even though it was short and sweet it gives her energy to start her very busy day.

-

After its all finished, the getting dressed, the frantic running around, the excited nerves and crying and all the pictures. Jesus christ there were like a million bloody pictures taken, after the walking down the aisle and the happy crying done by everyone (even Stella) and the vows being said, after _all of that_ it was finally time for the reception.

Everyone filed into the room that was decorated beautifuly with crystals and soft lights, Stella and the rest of the bridesmaids and grooms all sat at the long table and it was time for Stella's speech. She stood up and took a deep breath and looked along the crowd and at the very back there was a table and at the table was Ashton, Bethany, Liam, Harry, Louis, Niall, Zayn, Perrie and Jesy and that put a smile on her face.

 _'Hi everyone, I'm Amber's sister Stella. When we were younger we were very very close, we used to do everything together and I would say those were the best years of my life. But as we got older we started to grow apart more and I hated that, hated that we got so far apart. And I wasnt there anymore, I wasnt there to comfort my sister or anything and I regret that. But Im here now and I think that counts for something right? Anyway, Amber I fucking love you and Eric you better take good care of my sister because if you dont I know where you fucking live.'_ the crowd laughes at that and Stella could here Niall's loud laugh all the way from the front of the room _'To Amber and Eric'_ she raises her champagne glass and so does everyone else.

After all of the toast and speeches Stella can finally go say hi to her friends, she goes to the way back to there table and everyone cheers for her. Bethany gives her the biggest hug of the century and is almost crying into her shoulder saying her speech was beautiful and sassy just like her, she hugs Zayn next and she is so happy to see him it almost makes _her cry_. After she hugs everyone and they all leave to the dance floor, theres one last person and its Harry. She walks slowly towards him and she smiled so much tonight that it hurts her cheeks but when she grins at harry it suddenly doesnt hurt anymore, and Harry looks so good in his suit and she wraps her arms around his middle and just breathes him in. Harry wraps his arms around her shoulders and hugs her back even harder. He pulls his hand up and lifts her head up gently and puts his lips to hers, she reacts to it immediatly and kisses back more urgently, she's missed his lips on hers and there both so hungry for it. She shivers and feel electricity run up her spine with the feeling of Harrys soft lips on hers, its finally happening Stella thinks. What she's wanted for so long is finally here.

'Your so beautiful' Harry mumbles over her lips

'Have you looked in the mirror, Styles' she smiles and so does he. She grabs his hand and walks over to the dance floor and stands next to Zayn and watches her sister have her first dance married and its a really beautiful thing and tears start to fill her eyes. She looks so beautiful and so happy and she is so happy for her sister because if anyone deserved any of this its Amber.

Stella really doesnt dance much formally but she does with harry, they dance slowly in circles and she keeps him close with her face snuggled into his shoulder with 'Start Again' by Gabrielle Aplin playing softly in the background. Stella thinks she can live forever if she just hand this moment to keep forever, she thinks that if she would think of this moment whenever she needed something good to hold onto this would be it. This is all she will ever need, her family, her bestfriends and Harry.

Stella thinks that this is what she's been waiting for her whole life, that everything that has happend to her was to lead up to this. And just then she sees Danny sitting at the table drinking a scotch and smiling at her and she isnt afraid anymore, isnt angry or sad anymore, she just blows a kiss to him. And Stella can finally say that she is truly really happy.

 


	12. twelve

The ringing was loud in her ears, but all Bethany did was move around on the small couch and groan. She was still in dreamland and was not willing to leave her sleep just yet. She was going to let it ring out but then Stella's piercing voice screamed from her room

'Bethany pick up your fucking phone!' Bethanys eyes shot open and she fell on the floor with a thud and answerd her phone

'H-hello?' she said quickly

'Goodmorning, is this Bethany Craig?'

'Uh, yes'

'Right, your results came in and the doctor would like you to come in today if thats alright?'

'Sure, yeah. Do you know if the results are like.. bad?'

'All files are confidental, your going to have to find out during your appointment'

'Right, okay thank you'

'Have a good day'

Then the line went dead and Bethany sighed and threw her phone back on the couch and started to make her way towards her room when her phone started to ring again. She groaned again and had a thought of just declining the call. She grabbed her phone and saw it was Amber; Stella's sister.

'Hello?'

'Bethany?'

'Uh, yeah is everything alright?'

'Everything is amazing in fact, so wonderfully beautiful'

'Yeah are you high?'

Ambers piercing laugh rings through Bethanys ears and gives her a bit of a headache

'Dont be silly Beth, But i do have great news'

'Get on with it'

'I had a baby'

and oh. Well.

'Wow- thats, thats great Amber! Im so happy for you!'

'A little girl her name is Alexa'

'Congratulations!'

'I'll be over in a few to visit. See you love'

Then the line went dead and Bethany just drops her phone on the floor and goes into her room and crawls in her bed hoping to get more sleep before her and Stella's classes at 1. She fell asleep on the couch late last night doing course work and watching the friends marathon. But just then she hears Liam and Louis burst through there front door, Louis loudly greets Stella and Liam comes in her room and crawls in her bed next to her

'Hi babe' Liam whispers

'Hey' Bethany grumbles

'Is someone grumpy?' Liam chuckles

'Im just fucking tired, I was up late doing coursework'

'Aw, come on I'll make you tea, Louis' got something to tell you' Liam says and Bethany doesnt know what she would do without him.

She throws her duvet back and follows Liam out of her bedroom and into the kitchen where Stella and Louis are chatting loudly. She gives Louis and hug and kiss on the cheek and demands playfully why he came to wake her up.

'Well its my birthday on the 24 and Im turning 22, so Im throwing a party for myself, and you lovely girls are invited' he says and hands them both inventations

'Aw sick, I love partys' Stella says and Louis just laughs

'Its a dress up kinda fancy party' he says

'Lou how are you affording this?' Bethanys asks

'My father is a very rich man and he says that I dont have a budget for this party so Im kind of going all out'

'So that means free drinks than?' Stella asks

'Yes free drinks' he laughs than says he must go and deliver the rest of the inventations.

It isnt even 20 minutes till he's left and Bethany and Stella barely just finish there cerel when Harry burst through the door singing some Lady Gaga song Bethany knows but cant remember the name of. He has a pack of donuts in his hand and gives Bethany a kiss on the top of her head and a kiss very close to Stella's mouth as a hello.

'So what are the plans for today?' he asks taking a donut out of the box

'Uni then Amber is coming over' Bethany answers for the both of them 'I also have a doctors appointment'

'Think im just gonna ditch today' Stella says shrugging

'Stella you havent gone at all this week, and you have a shit load of coursework to do' Bethany says seriously but Stella just rolls her eyes and eats her donut 'You need to get your shit together or your not gonna pass'

'What are you my mother? I left home to get away from her, I know what the fuck im doing' Stella spits and Bethany just rolls her eyes and wonders why she even bothers caring anymore. Stella never goes to uni anymore and she isnt even looking for a job while Bethany is working every other day at the tea shop with Louis and has to pay the rent on her own -with the help from her parents-

'How are we soppsed to go to New York then Stella? How are we sopposed to even afford this flat anymore if you dont get a job and finish Uni? I cant do everything on my own' Bethany says and is getting more and more irritated

'I dont fucking know? Im trying alright' Stella doesnt even look at Bethany once

'Thats bullshit! All you ever do is go out and party using the money for New York, I always do the cleaning and grocery shopping! You dont do shit around here!' Bethany shouts at Stella because she honestly cant take it anymore, Stella is practically living off of her

'What the fuck Bethany? Why is it such a big deal now? You only want me here so i can provide for you, thats what this is about isnt it?' Stella says yelling back

'Your living off of me Stella! Im fucking sick of it'

'So what you want me to do? Move out? Is that what your saying?' Stella shouts and is standing up now, Harry holds her wrist gently making sure she doesnt do anything stupid

'Do I have to fucking spell it out for you?' Bethany screams and she's fucking angry at everything

'Fine I'll leave right now so I wont be a burden to my _'bestfriend'_ ' Stella spits and walks past her fast, she hears her suitcase being thrown on her floor with a thud then the hangers falling on the ground and just everything is suddenly gone to shit.

She leaves the kitchen and into the foyer in front of the door. Stella meets her there with her suitcase stuffed and ripped jeans and a old band tee hanging loosely on her body.

Stella just looks at Bethany and opens the door, but standing in the door way is Amber holding a carrier with a small little baby wrapped up in blankets inside sleeping soundly. Amber walks in the room all smiles and you can tell that Stella is very shocked.

'Surpise Stella! Your a auntie!' Amber says and Stella just leaves the flat angirly stomping away

'Is she alright?' Amber asks

'She's just being a drama queen. Give her a week she'll be back' and it was true Stella always comes back.

-

Bethany is currently sitting on the small couch looking through a magazine waiting for her turn to see her doctor. Anxiety was running through her and she was slowly starting to freak out as every second ticked by. After Stella left the flat Amber left shortly after, leaving Harry and Bethany alone in the flat. Bethany screamed in frustration and tears started to spring in her eyes. Harry just wrapped her in a hug and told her everything was going to be alright and everyone just needs a break from each other. Her left shortly after.

After another 15 minutes of knee shaking and playing on her phone they finally called her name. She follows the nurse into a small room where they check her blood pressure and heart and other stuff like that. After the doctor greets her and gives her another check up before telling her the results.

'So unfortanly we found something' he says slowly and Bethany almost chokes

'What did you find?' she says quietly

'First tell me if you have been having these symptoms, blood in urine, very painful cramps that havent gone away, generaly sick feeling all the time?' and Bethany nods her head and the doctor motions for her to stand up.

Bethany does and looks at the nurse taking notes in the corner of the room.

'Now im going to just lift up your shirt to your stomach to see your sides in case theres a bump, is that okay?' and Bethany nods scared as hell. He lifts up her shirt and Bethany is shocked to see that there is a bump on her side thats big

'What the fuck' she whispers and tears begin to spring at her eyes

'Hmmm you havent noticed this before?' he asks and Bethany shakes her head no 'these are all symptoms of kidney cancer. We found several things in your blood also having to do with this cancer'

'Wait so are you saying I have cancer?' she asks frantically

'Im sorry to say this Bethany but yes, with all the test and your symptoms I think-' she drowns him out, she can only hear _but yes, but yes, but yes._ Tears started to drip down her eyes this time.

After the appointment she goes home and lays in her bed for a long time she doesnt move, tears just fall down her face while she thinks of what is going to happen to her. The doctor says she will get a surgery to try and get the cancer out of her kidney and if that doesnt work than she's gonna start chemo. Bethany has never been more afraid in her entire life and she just feels the waves of pain keep hitting her. _Cancer, I have fucking cancer_ Bethany keeps thinking and she cant take it, she gets up and grabs her stereo and goes up to the roof, plugs her phone in and starts blasting Coldplay into the cold silent night.

She lights up a cigarrette and stares into the city and all the beautiful lights. After an hour on the roof and loud music and chain smoking she hears the door slam open and Bethany can just tell its Stella screaming something at her over the loud music. She turns it down and she keeps yelling about how Bethany should know how Stella is by now and something else but Bethany isnt listening shes angry and sad and fucking _scared_

'Cancer! I have fucking cancer!' She finaly screams and Stella jaw drops and she just looks so shocked. Stella doesnt say anything just puts her arms over Bethanys shoulders and hugs her close and tight. She still doesnt say anything just keeps hugging her close.

But she doesnt want to be hugged she wants to be saved.

 


	13. thirteen

She was furios so mad that she went and packed her bags, she was angry because Bethany just snapped at her out of knowwhere. She didnt know what her fucking problem was and she didnt care anymore, sure Stella didnt have a job at the moment and maybe she skipped Uni a few times but Bethany should know that thats how she is. She shouldnt be surprised because when Stella was ready to do something she would do it, and now wasnt a great time because she's just found out that her sister had her baby and she didnt know where the fuck she's going in life and her and Harry are so complicated and everything is just so overwhelming at the moment. So with Bethanys harsh words bringing her down she couldnt take it anymore so she left.

She ended up banging on Zayns door and she was trying not to cry on the whole walk over to his and Perries house but it was hard because it started to rain and she was pissed off. So naturaly when she saw Zayn open the door with a cigarette between his lips and a confused expresion on his face Stella lost it. She dropped her bags next to her on the porch and wrapped both her arms around his torso and crying into his shoulder. Zayn just wraps one arm around her shoulder and grabs her bags with the other and pulls her inside. He doesnt say anything just leads her to the couch and sits her down, he gives her his cigarrete so maybe that can calm her down. Zayn opens her suitcase and digs through it taking out some sweats and a tshirt, he hands the clothes to Stella and she puts them on just in the living room not caring that Zayn is in the same room. She's never been ashamed of her body, didnt really think it was such a big deal when it comes to showing off your boy. When shes finished Stella cuddles into Zayns shoulder and he wraps a blanket around them and continues to smoke watching the rain fall down the big windows in there living room. Zayn and Perrie have a small nice house with big windows and warm beds, Stella crys for a bit longer but eventually calms down and listens to rain.

After 10 more minutes of silence Zayn finally asks 'So are you gonna tell me what happend? Why you were soaking wet on my porch crying?'

Stella than proceded to tell Zayn the whole overwhelming story and he just listend, didnt put his input or opinian just listend and that was one of the things that Stella loved about him.

'You know Bethany is just looking out for you, and she needs your help Stells, she cant do everything on her own. You live there to you need to start getting your shit together' Zayn says and Stella just nods her head

'I havent got a job Zayn how am I sopposed to do that? How am I sopposed to do stuff I dont want to do?' Stella asks

'You can work with Perrie at the flower shop-'

'Where is she by the way?' Stella interupts

'Visiting her mum'

'Is that why your smoking in the house, because I know that your not aloud to' Stella snickers

'Oh shove off Stella' Zayn laughs 'Anyway you can just work at the flower shop and start getting your work done at uni. Start making descions for the future, you arent going to be in Uni forever. I think Bethany is just trying to grow up and trying not to play these games anymore'

'I dont want to grow up though Zayn, I dont want to think about the future, Im 19 for fucks sake this isnt the time for thinking and growing up this is the time for mistakes and partys and games I fucking love games!' Stella says and tears start to burn her eyes again 'Im scared to leave all of this behind, scared to start a life I dont want'

Zayn brings Stella closer from where she's sitting on the other side of the couch 'Oh babe, they dont have to be big descions just things you need to be sure of. Like I have made some big descions my self'

'Like what, Malik?'

'Like asking Perrie to be my wife' Zayn says and Stella is actually stunned, she sits up and looks at him and studys his fetures and he just smiles at her.

She ends up jumping on him and hugging him so tight 'Oh my god, Zayn' she whispers and he just laughs 'Im so happy for you fuck' and she's crying a little bit.

'Moral of the story is go to Bethany right now and tell her how you feel' and Stella laughs and wipes her eyes. She stands up and gets her bags and walks to the door with Zayn trailing behind her, she turns around and gives him a hug mumbling a thank you before leaving his house.

-

The rain stopped but it was still cold and dark outside but Stella didnt care.

When shes down the street from the building Stella can hear the loud music blasting and as she walks closer and closer to the building the music gets louder and louder. Stella quickly flings open the door and runs up the flights of stairs trying to get to her flat, the door is wide open and all the lights are off, fear runs up Stellas back as she puts her bags down and turns on the kitchen lights.

'Bethany?' she calls but theres no answer, Stella turns on all the lights in the flat because she simply hates being in the dark. She goes into the bathroom buts its empty, she goes into every single room and its all empty. Stella trys to call Bethanys phone but it goes straight to voicemail, she angirly stops out of the flat towards the stairs. She hurridly goes up the flights of stairs up to the roof and the music is so fucking and loud and Stella is tired, so tired. She starts to scream Bethanys name the minute she opens the door but Bethany cant hear her.

'Bethany! Turn the fucking music off! Bethany! What the fuck is your problem?' She screams over the music, Bethany finally turns down the music but doesnt look at her 'You cant exspect things from me Bethany, you know how I am and ho-'

'Cancer! I have fucking cancer!' Bethany interrups and tears are streaming down her face and Stella is so fucking shocked and fear runs through her and she cant breath and she has a half a mind to just jump off the roof. All Stella can think of doing is wrapping her in a hug, she holds her tight like she might disapear if she lets go.

'Im sorry, im sorry fuck Im sorry Bethany' Stella whispers and shes crying now, she feels Bethany shake in her arms and Stella cant breath 'Its gonna be okay-'

'How do you know? Dont fuck- dont! Im scared alright? Im fucking scared that Im gonna die Stella, Im so fucking scared' Bethany screams and theres just tears falling down her face and Stella feels like shit

'Your not going to die! Bethany look at me' she hold bethany close so shes looking at Stella straight in the eyes 'Listen your going to live and get married and have kids were going to New York I dont fucking care how long it takes to get there we are going. This is just a small bump your going to make it, your going to be fine' Stella reassures and she suddenly feels like she needs to be strong for the both of them, like she needs to be able to keep Bethany calm. Once Bethany can breath reguarly again they go back downstairs and into there flat, Stella makes tea and they both sit on the couch with a warm wool blanket and try to forget about it.

But Stella cant fucking forget, she doesnt understand, she doesnt understand how something like this could happen to such a great person like Bethany. And it hits her, she looks over to her bethfriend and fuck- Bethany looks sick, her body is small and Stella can see how much weight she's lost, how tired and fragile she looks. Stella thinks of all of the worse things that could happen and how she's going to have to be in the hospital for a long time and if she doesnt make it-

'Stop thinking about it Stella' Bethany croaks out

'Im not-'

'Yes you are, dont look at me like that Stella, please dont look at me like Im already gone' Bethany says and gets up, she walks quickly to her room and slams the door. Stellas eyes fill with tears and she breaks down, her chest starts to hurt at the thought of loosing a light in her life

-

She wakes up suddenly on the couch, when she opens her eyes she sees Harry, his eyes are full of concern and there sad and-

oh.

'Bethany told me' he whispers and Stella just nods and sits up and Harry just brings her close to him, she breathes deeply into his shoulder and hes rubbing circles on her back and Stella is lucky to have him in her life.

'Im sorry' Harry whispers into her hair and Stella really needed someone to hold her and she's glad its him.

'Me to.' She mumbles into his chest 'Where is she' and its more of a demand than a question but Stella doesnt have time for questions anymore.

Harry tells her anyway.

Stella opens the door to Bethanys room slowly, she's laying down facing the window, its open and the sunlight is pouring in but its still very cold out. Stella crawls in the bed and under the covers, she snuggles into Bethanys back side. They dont talk for awhile and Stella really doesnt know what to say at all, its strange because theres always something to talk about, always something new. But this time it isnt new, this problem isnt going to go away not for awhile anyway.

'I have to go to the doctors today, you can come if you want' Bethany says and her voice is soft and a bit trembly

'Yeah okay.' Stella says and is happy to be included and suddenly a question pops into her mind and she blurts it out before she can even think about it 'How are you going to tell Liam?'

Bethany doesnt say anything for a long time and Stella thinks that shes probably asleep so she leaves the room and sits next to Harry on the couch. He puts his arm around her shoulder and she lays her head on his chest and tries to breath properly because fuck _Bethany has cancer._

-

They find out that the cancer is in her kidney and hopefully it can be removed with surgery so Bethany would only have one kidney. Stella is hopefull because if they could just take out the cancer then problem would be solved. But if it doesnt work and the cancer spreads then Bethany would have to go through Chemo and possibly may die. But they didnt talk about that part, didnt talk about the part where she might not even make it. All Stella would tell herself and Bethany is that _'the surgery will go smoothly and the cancer will be removed'_ thats all she will really be hoping for. That maybe luck and the universe will be on there side this time.

　


	14. fourteen

Its weird sitting in a big fancy office talking with a doctor about getting cut open to get cancer out of your kidney. Its weird how if one thing goes wrong or if this doesnt work you will lose your hair and throw up alot and possibly loose your life. Its weird how something growing in your body can make someone life so complicated; so scary. Its weird packing a bag for 3 weeks just to stay at a hostpital. Its all so weird and Bethany cant handle it.

She closes up her suitcase and sits on the bed next to it and takes it all in. She looks around her room and tries to remember it; all the posters and the small things that she kept just for the memories.

She doesnt get much time alone because her mum rushes in grabbing her bags 'are you ready honey? Have you got everything you need?'

'Yes mum' Bethany replies, her mum drove down yesterday insisting she needed to be there when Bethany got her surgery and that Stella wasnt going to take care of Bethany 'properly'

'Alright we have to be at the hostpital in a few hours so do what you need to do before we leave.' she says and Bethany kind of gets what she means. Bethany gets up from her bed and hugs her mom before she leaves to Stellas room. The door is shut but Bethany never knocks and never will. When she walks in Stella is sitting on her window sill smoking a blunt and it seems like nothing has changed at all like it was there freshman year at uni all over again.

'Theres a thing called knocking' Stella says and Bethany just rolls her eyes sitting across from her on the window sill

'I know and I will never do it'

'Are you leaving now?' Stella asks, her hair is up in a messy bun thing, shes were shorts for a change with a ripped up band t-shirt she's has since freshman year in highschool

'Not till a few hours' Bethany replies looking out at the city 'will you visit me at the hostpital?' Bethany says finaly

Stella looks at her and smiles while taking a drag 'Of I will Bethany, were friends arent we?'

And its weird because Stella is making it seem that Bethany is going to be living in a hostpital for 3 weeks and in that time getting surgery seem like not a big deal. It makes Bethany feel insanley better and makes the anxiety go down a bit

'Im gonna miss you Stella'

'Im gonna miss you to Bethany, stay fantastic okay?' Stella says while leaning over to give Bethany a one armed hug. Bethany has to wipe a her cheeks a bit but nods her head 'hey, hey, none of that. This is just a bump in the road of our adventure remember?'

Bethany nods again and kisses Stellas cheek before leaving her room without looking back.

After that she left the house and took the very familair walk to Liams flat, It was still cold outside but the sun was up and it felt good against her pale skin. Once she got to the pathwalk leading up to his flat she felt it come back to her. The last time she was struggling to tell Liam that she really liked him and was willing to forget all the bad things but remember the good, and just as she was about to leave it was Harry that she bumped into.

And this time wasnt differant when she turned around suddenly Harry was right there smiling down at her, his hands filled with grocerys. Its weird how it feels the same but it isnt, the last time Bethany was struggling to tell Liam that she really liked him and wanted to continue a relationship with him but now she's struggling to tell him that she has cancer and its enough to spring tears to her eyes.

'Beth, what are you doing here?' Harry asks

'What I cant just take a walk around the area without being asked offending questions?' Bethany says weakly and Harry just chuckles and shakes his head

'Why are you really here?' He asks but Bethany doesnt look at him just looks at her fingers that are clad with rings 'You havent told him have you?'

Bethany shakes her head no 'his sister just left and he was having so much fun, I just didnt want to bring him down'

'Well its now or never babe. Get in there' Harry wraps the arm -that isnt holding food- around bethany and gives her a reassuring hug, he walks her to Liam's door and knocks for her, Harry winks at her one last time before going into his own flat which Bethany has never been in. She doesnt even have a second to collect her thoughts on what she's gonna say and how she's going to say it because theres Liam looking at her with a hard and sad expression and fuck _he knows_ is Bethanys first realization

'Hi' she says weakly and he just goes into the flat leaving the door open so Bethany can follow. She takes a deep breath and goes into his familiar flat. He sits down at the couch facing the tv not even looking at her and Bethany decides to play it dumb

'Did i do something?' Bethany asks sitting next to him on the couch

'Dont act like you dont know' Liam says

'I dont know what your talking about' Bethany says sitting back and crossing her arms. Liam isnt taking any of it well at all because he gets up and starts to pace

'What the fuck Bethany! Why didnt you tell me!' He shouted but Bethany didnt look at him just kept staring at the wall 'why didnt you tell me you were diagnosed with cancer?' Liam asks and Bethany doesnt want to deal with this she cant. She can feel Liam breaking and it hurts fuck it hurts 'Look at me!'

'Im sorry alright? Im fucking sorry, I didnt want to ruin your weekend and your sister was here and it just didnt want to put it all to shit' Bethany said finaly getting up and facing him

'Its a little late for that isnt it? But you know whats worse? I had to be Sam!' Bethany put her head down because yes she did text him the results before she told Liam 'I was getting something from the shop and I ran into him and he says sorry about Bethany and im like what the fuck you talking about? And he goes that she has kidney cancer! Do you know how hurt I was Bethany?'

'Im sorry' is all Bethany could say and then she started to cry, like really cry because its all so real and very overwhelming

She felt Liams body come closer to her he wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed her forhead 'hey, hey im sorry please dont cry' he whisperd

'Its all my fault I deserve this' Bethany cried into his chest

'Bethany stop dont fucking say that, you dont deserve cancer no one does. Come sit down, I'll make tea' so Bethany sat on the couch wiping her cheeks and trying to breath normaly. Liam comes back with two cuppas and Bethany ends up telling him everything. How she has to be hostpitalized and the surgeory

'Right so im going with you' Liam says

'You cant live me at the hostpital, you can only visit me for a few hours a day' she says sadly

'I'll be there alright? I promise you wont have to deal with this alone' he's kissing her now slow and sweet his slips slotting against hers and Bethany never wants to stop, never wants to be away from him never wants to leave this closeness.

But she has to go soon and she tells him that and he sadly nods and kisses her again hard this time and if he keeps it up then she wont ever leave. After many hugs and kisses she closes his apartment door and she leanes against it breathing deeply and trying to put together her thoughts.

She's about to leave but she has one last thing to do. Bethany knocks on Harrys door before he opens it giving Bethany a grin

'Beth!' he says excitedly and bear hugs her. Harry invites her in and he just made a sandwhich and gives her the other half of it.

'So what brings you to the house of Style's?' he asks with a smirk and bright green eyes

'Just wanted to tell you that Im going to be living in the hostpital for awhile' Bethany says and Harry nods his eyebrows furrowed

'I'll visit okay? You'll be alright I promise' He says as he's wrapping Bethany in a hug, she nods than pulls away

'I have to go my mum is waiting at my flat'

'You want me to walk you?' Harry asks and it makes Bethany so fucking greatful to have someone who cares like Harry does

'Thats alright love I just need sometime alone, y'know?'

'Yeah sure but I'll see you soon Beth. Love you' he gives her one more hug before walking her to the door, he even watches her walk down the path.

By the time she gets to her flat building she's so tired and out of breath from the walk and its a shit feeling, really. Her mom is already putting her bags in the trunk of her car and Stella is sitting on the curb smoking a cigarrette.

'Hey honey ready to go?' she asks and Bethany nods but sits down on the curb next to Stella. She takes the cigarrette from her thin fingers and puts it to her lips and takes a deep drag 'Bethany what the fuck are you doing!' Bethanys mum shouts with a worried expression. Bethany just blows out the smoke and grins at her, she looks over to Stella and she's smiling at her, Bethany winks at Stella before getting up and telling her mum thats its just one drag and that it isnt a big deal. Her mum then proceeds to tell her how she could get lung cancer and add on to what she already has.

'Mum calm down and get in the car' Bethany says before turning her head back to Stella and winks at her. Bethany gets in the car finally and takes a deep breath -she does that alot- and puts her seat belt on. When the car starts to move she turns around and see's Stella standing up now and she watches her turn smaller and smaller.

-

The hostpital isnt the greatest place to live but her surgery is tommrow and she's fucking nervouse. So fucking nervouse, she had surgeory once when she got her tonsils taken out when she was 14 but that was it. Her mum and dad were out in the hall talking to a doctor while Bethany is looking out the window at the scenery in London. She's on the 28th floor in the heart of London at one of the most exspensive and famouse hostpital in the UK thanks to her mum and dad.

Her surgery is tommrow and she isnt feeling so great about it at all. But before Bethany can think about it anymore Stella, Zayn and Perrie are coming in her room. They all hug Bethany and tell her she's brave and she'll get through this blah blah Bethany has already heard it so many times. They sit in the chairs by the window and continue to talk but Bethany really isnt even listening, just nodding along.

But something does catch her attention; its Stella saying that she isnt going to Louis' 22nd birthday party because of her surgeory

'No, no Stella you can go' Bethany tells her but Stella just shakes her head

'But your surgeory is tommow, I should be here you know?'

Bethany can see there reflections through the glass windows and her eyes burn at the sight. Bethany looks so pale and small and just _sick_ and next to Stella's full of life frame she just looks dead and it scares her. 'No its fine Stella, you can go. Dont worry about me'

With some protesting Stella agrees. Bethany knows that Stella really loves to go out and have a good time and she doesnt want to ruin it for her. 'Alright but I'll be here when you wake up alright?'

The nurse then comes in and tells the three of them they have to leave because Bethany needs rest. So again they all hug her again and tell her the same shit.

Bethanys soon alone in her big hostpital room the only light coming from the city.

　


	15. fifteen

She was woken up with her cell phone ringing loud in her ears, Stella groaned and blindly ran her hands around her bed in search of her phone.

'Hello?'

'Stella you arent awake yet? Its 1:30'

It was Harry

'Yeah'

'So you were awake?'

'No'

'Stellaaaaa, come on im on my way over we have uni in 10'

'I dont want to go'

'To bad we have exams and then were on break for Christmas'

'I havent done any course work or anything, I'm most likely going to get kicked out'

'If you just pass these exams then you can make up the credits later on, alright?'

'Yeah, yeah sure'

The line went dead and Stella heard the front door open and Harry shouting that there gonna be late. She forces herself to get up, she takes a shower and puts on a black sweater with black suspender tights that are ripped up since she tends to play football in her everyday attire with her black Doc Martens. She puts her wet hair in a pony tail and slips on her aviators. Stella does love a good black outfit.

When she grabs her book bag and her phone and leaves her room to the kitchen Harry is sat at the table looking intently at his phone while sipping tea.

'Ready?' Stella asks and Harry looks up and seems to be taking in the state of Stella and nods quickly. Putting his cup in the sink and grabbing his own bag and jacket, but before there even out of the flat he grabs Stella's arm and pulls her back to his chest. He grabs her face with both of hands and kisses her hard with lust and passion, when he finally pulls away Stella is out of breath and cant breath properly. He kisses her forehead and intertwines there fingers, they leave the apartment and head to Uni and Stella really cant stop smiling.

But it isnt like there dating or anything, they just share kisses and have sex every now and then, nothing serious. Its just a bit of fun and Stella really doesnt like the idea of labeling every single fucking thing she does. Its nothing serious, just a bit of fun.

-

Bethany, Harry, Niall, Liam, Zayn and Perrie all decided to carpool to the party together for Louis' birthday party so they met at Stella's flat. Stella was sporting a short lace black dress with black stilletoes. Her hair was in curls and her makeup was light; just mascara and red lipstick.

On the way to the party they decided to make a stop at the hostpital, they all couldnt go into her room so just Stella, Liam and Harry went. Bethany was sleeping and looked so tired and small.

'Hey' Stella whisperd holding her hand tightly, Bethany opend her eyes slowly and smiled a bit

'Hi' she croaked, 'you look lovely'

Stella laughed lightly and tears started to fill her eyes 'you alright?'

'just tired, operation went well. Tell Lou i said happy birthday' she whisperd and fell back asleep. Liam kissed her forehead and Harry did as well.

'Maybe I should stay?' Stella whisperd to Harry

'Whatever you want to do-'

'We can see her tommrow, come on we have a party to go to' Liam interuppted

'Shouldnt you be the one offering to stay? You are the boyfriend after all' Stella snapped in a whispering tone

'Believe me I want to but we have a party to get to' he said and Stella felt the vibe of him not even caring about her

'Whatever, lets just go' Stella said before she went over to Bethany and kissed her forehead. She went passed Liam without a second glance.

They went down the elevator in complete silence and Stella was already pissed off.

'Stella dont be mad' Liam said as the doors opend but Stella just stomped away. Outside Niall, Perrie and Zayn were all talking 'Stella, come on!'

'I actually cant fucking believe you, you act like you dont even care about her' Stella snapped going through the automatic doors and the cold wind hit her like a ton of bricks

'Of course I care! How could you say that?' Liam went in front of Stella and was staring her down

'Well, Liam you seem to care more about a fucking party then your girlfriend who just went through an operation' Stella never ever backed down from anything and she certainly wasnt going to for this.

Liam didnt say anything he kind of seemed like he was speechless. 'Thats what I thought' Stella said sharply before walking away towards the car. The rest of her friends all followed behind her and got in the car behind her, the car ride to the banquet hall wasnt full of tension and awkwards silence like Stella thought it was going to be like. Instead it was Niall laughing and chatting with Zayn and Perrie while Harry and Stella were sitting in the way back of the car. Harrys hand was on her legs rubbing soothing circles while Stella's head was resting on his shoulder, she was still a bit pissed off but getting totally fucked up at the party tonight should make up for it Stella thought.

-

When they finally got to the banquet hall there was so many cars and so many people and its insane. Everyones dressed in nice suits and fancy dresses that look more espensive then Stella's future.

'Jesus, how many people does Tommo' know?' Niall comments

'I think alot of the people are friends with his parents to, as you can see are old' Zayn says and everyone just silently agrees with him. When they make it in its a huge room with crystal chandeleers and a big dance floor with photobooths and two bars. Theres waiters walking around with trays of orderves and champaigne and Louis really didnt spare no exspence. A old looking butler guy even took there coats and bags. Once looking around and saying hi to everyone they knew, they went there seperate ways, Zayn and Perrie going to dance, Liam and Niall going to talk with Louis and some other people that Stella didnt know. While Harry and Stella went to the bar. They orderd a few drinks and just started to talk.

'Sooo what was the problem with Liam' Harry asked and Stella just rolled her eyes

'He acts like he doesnt even care, like he can be a real dick sometimes' Stella said before downing her vodka tonic, she orderd another straight after.

'Well maybe he's just afraid.' Harry says not looking at her

'What you mean afraid? Afraid of what? He doesnt have the cancer, Harry'

He just shruggs before meeting her eyes 'This is just as hard on him, think about it; the one he loves has cancer and might not even survive this'

'If its so fucking hard and he loves her so much why isnt he there with her right now?' Stella says getting more and more worked up about it

'Same reason you arent there.' Harry takes a sip of his rum and coke and puts a piece of Stella's hair behind her ear 'Bethany wants you and Liam to go out and live the life there given, she probably doesnt want you to suffer with her.'

And it all kind of makes sense now 'god I'm such a bitch' Stella mumbles to herself but Harry just chuckles 'I'm gonna go talk to him, okay?'

'Okay im just gonna go talk to Grimmy over there, I'll find you later' Harry says pecking her lips then winking at her before he walks off into the crowd of people.

'Right' Stella mumbles to herself before going her own way to find Liam. She really did feel bad about what she had said and it was making her feel like shit. So she searched and searched but she found no Liam, but ran into everyone else but no Liam.

But the one person she really, really wasnt exspecting to run into was Collin. Stella really wasnt paying attention to wear she was going, she was standing up on her tippy toes trying to look over the crowd for Liam. Stella was a short girl and with heels she really still was short. She bumped into his chest and was stumbling back slightly because these heels were high, but Collin caught her right at the last second and pulled her up right.

She looked him up and down for a quick second and he looked great man _fuck he looked good_. Collin was wearing a white button up shirt; the sleeves rolled up right before his elbows showing off all of his tattoos, with black skinnys. His hair was styled perfectly and his bright eyes were shining.

'You alright?' he asked using his stupid half smile

'Y-yeah, m' fine' Stella said and she was loosing it 'You alright?'

'Better now that I get to see you again' he always charmed the shit out of Stella

'You charming piece of shit' Stella said with a huge grin and Collins laugh rang through her ears.

'Let me get you a drink' Colling says grabbing her hand gently and leading her over to one of the bars. He orderd rum and coke for both of them and he continued to stare at Stella

'What?' Stella said laughing a little bit

'Nothing your just really beautiful' Stella blushed red and couldnt contain her smile 'Listen about what happend, I'm really sorry. I was being stu-'

'Hey its fine, thats in the past live in the now, Collin' Stella grinned at him and downed her drink

'Oh so now your a philosopher?' Collin said and Stella laughed and orderd another drink. They continued to talk and Stella continued to laugh and drink

'Lets dance' Collin whisperd in her ear and somehow got really close to Stella in the past 15 minutes. He grabbed her arm and dragged her to the dance floor since Stella is a little bit to drunk to comprehend things. Its her first time dancing all night and Stella doesnt understand why because she fucking loves dancing, loves loosing herself in the music. Its a really great feeling holding a vodka tonic in your hand and dancing very dirty with a hot punk rocker, one of the great moment in life Stella thinks.

-

Its 1:06 in the afternoon when Stella leaves Collins flat and yes she did sleep with him and yes she did have a massive, massive hangover. The last thing she remembers is taking many shots with Niall than everything else is a big blur that she wont bother to remember. Stella tries to make it home quickly because its cold and it seems like its going to rain soon.

By the time Stella gets back to the flat she's soaking wet and shivering, at first Stella calls Bethanys name but remembers she's in the hostpital, then she calls Harrys and oh, well. Stella remembers leaving Harry to find Liam but then bumping into Collin and fuck she's probably ruined everything. But Stella and Harry arent even dating, so she's got nothing to worry about right?

Stella takes a hot shower, eats a sandwich, watches a movie, and takes a 4 hour nap without even talking to Harry once. There almost always together and if they arent together there texting or facetiming. There bestfriends and practically inseperable so for it to be complete silence on both ends is strange.

It's 9:30 at night when Stella finaly breaks, she puts on sweats, 3 pairs of socks her beat up old vans, a big coat and a beanie. Stella grabs her keys and decides to call a cab on this one since its raining really hard.

When she gets to Harry's flat she knocks on the door hard and waits patiently waits for him to open it which takes a good 5 minutes. Harry finally opens the fucking door and Stella immediatly comes right in not really giving a fuck if she's invited in or not. She takes off her coat and sets it on the couch while Harry just stares at her with a hard expression.

'What are you doing here?' Harry asks stuffing his hands in his pockets

'You havent talked to me all day, Harry. Came to see why' Stella says crossing her arms

'Thought you would be busy' Harry mumbles

'Doing what? You know I'm never busy for you Harry' Stella says smiling but Harry's expression remains hard.

'Your ovbousily to busy for me when your fucking Collin' Harry snaps and Stella winces at his tone

'So? What I'm not aloud to talk to other people?' Stella asks

'Theres a differance between talking and fucking people, Stella. I think you need to learn the differance' Harry spits before walking away to the kitchen

Stella almost laughs at that 'What are you saying? That I fuck everyone?' Harry just shruggs 'what the fuck is this about? Are you jelous?'

'What the fuck am I jelous of?' Stella just grins wickedly

'Ovbousily something. Harry me and you arent dating you know that right?' Stella says and Harry drops his butter knife with a loud clank and she realizes he was in the middle of making a sandwhich when she showed up and he also looks furious with Stella

'Than why do you make it seem like we are? Your making me feel something that isnt there, Stella! Do you know how bad it fucking hurt when I saw you leave with Collin? I thought-'

'What? You thought that me and you were something? You thought that me and you were something you could write about in your stupid little fucking journal? Why cant we just keep doing what were doing? Why does everyone want something more from me?' Stella shouts and she can see the hurt start to fill in his eyes but she doesnt back down, it feels good to hurt someone like she's hurting she strives on the feeling 'Come on Harry, I dont fucking play like that and you know it. Now its time for me to hurt you like you hurt me!'

'I should have known that none of it was even real! I should have never even fucking introduced myself to you that one day at Uni. I should have kept walking on, but I didnt do that you know why?' Stella couldnt even look at him 'Because when I saw you, time stopped for me, everything stopped and everytime you look at me my heart swells and Its all okay again. But you dont feel anything like that for me do you? See you cant even fucking look at me! Your pathetic' Harry spat and Stella's eyes started to fill with tears but she wouldnt cry infront of Harry; not anymore.

Instead she left. Grabbed her coat and went into the freezing cold rainy weather but she didnt go in the direction of her flat she went to the hostpital and Harry didnt come after her.

 


	16. sixteen

It's Christmas day and Bethany is aloud to go home for the day. She wakes up in the morning packs her things, showers and waits for her mum and dad to pick her up. She sits on the bed and swigs her legs back and fourth looking out the window at the city. Bethany is alot more lonely these days, sure her friends come around sometimes and her family is very supportive but its mostly Bethany laying in her bed, or sitting on the window sill reading, or just thinking. She's been doing alot of that; thinking. Thinking about her future and how when this is all over what she might want, whether or not she wants to continue university at all here in London. Bethany thinks she might want to study in America somewhere or in Italy. Theres a whole world out there waiting to be explored and experianced so why stay in one place? Through this whole experiance with Cancer she's realized that not only is life to short to live with regrets, something horrible could happen to you in just one day so why live being scared. Just a few months ago Bethany was healthy and not living in a hostpital but now she is and its hard. How some things are impossible for her to do now, before Bethany could climb a mountin but now she cant, she's learned not to take anything for granted.

Just then theres a knock on the door, Bethany turns around slowly exspecting it to be her parents but it's Stella. She's leaning against the door frame clad in all black with the biggest grin on her face. Her hair is up in a wild pony tail making her cheek bones and eyes stand out more.

'Stella!' Bethany shouts getting up and meeting her half way for a bone crushing hug. She had just seen her a few days ago but it wasnt the same Stella, the Stella from a few days ago was a bitter angry mess with black smeared around her eyes. But this Stella has light in her eys and looks natural with no makeup on at all.

'Happy Christmas, love' she whispers in hair

'Merry Christmas. Jesus your totally in the spirit arent you' Bethany says motioning to her all black attire.

'You know me, always getting into the spirit of things' Bethany laughs and she missed her so much 'ready to go?'

'My parents arent picking me up?' Bethany asks while picking up her bag from the floor and Stella takes it from her

'Nope I came to pick up the package' Stella conforms and makes her way out of the room

'Wait but you dont even drive, Stella and its fucking snowing outside and I cant walk all the way to the flat' but Stella just shruggs her shoulders and pushes the button on the elevator over and over like it might make it open faster

'Just relax, babe. I got it all coverd.' Stella winks but Bethany just feels like throwing up.

Once they get out of the hostpital into the snowy very cold air. Stella grabs Bethanys hand and leads her to a black car, she opens the passenger side for Bethany and helps her in, puts her bag in the backseat then goes to the drivers side.

'Who's car is this?' Bethany asks, just as the car roars to life

'It's Zayns he let me borrow it. Right, so call your rents' and tell them were going to party it up at Zayn's' Stella says leaving the hostpital

'Didnt you tell them I was coming with you?' Bethany asks and Stella just shakes her head no like its o-fucking-k to steal a cancer patient

'Stella! What the fuck?'

'Shhh its Christmas' Bethany just rolls her eyes and procedes to dial her dads number since he wont be as dramatic as her mum would be.

And yes he did take it well and told Bethany's mum that she needs time with her friends. They pull up to Zayns flat and Bethany is thankful that she decided to get ready, she's sporting a red short mini dress, with black tights and black ankle pumps. Her hair falling over her thick black coat in waves.

Stella opens the door and all of her friends are already there drinking champagne for the occasion. Perrie is the first to see Bethany and she screams when she see's her and gives her the biggest hug. Everyone else just kind of group hugs and gives kisses to Bethanys head saying they missed her and the partys are not the same. After the group hug Bethany hugs everyone and the last person she see's is Liam. Bethany walks over to him slowly, looking at his frame up and down, he's wearing a white button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and black pants with white converse. He looked fucking great. Bethany wraps her arms around his torso burrowing her face in his neck, he smelt of cologne and a little bit of rum. Liam wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed the side of her head

'I've missed you' Bethany mumbles and her eyes burn with tears 'dont ever leave me'

'Hey' Liam whispers letting go of her and lifting her chin up softly, tears spring out of Bethanys eyes then 'what's wrong?'

'Nothing, I'm just really happy' Bethany smiles through her tears because she really is fucking happy to be here 'I love you, I love you, I love you' she burrows her face in his chest again before she can even see his reaction to her saying those words for the first time.

'I love you more' Liam whispers into her ear before moving her head to the side a little bit and kissing her. Its a hard passionte kiss that Bethany never wants to end.

'Oi! Calm down over there!' Bethany hears Niall shout but she just gives him the finger and continues to kiss him like no tommrow. Everyone laughs and they finally break apart and Bethany is blushing and its perfect, all so perfect.

The night continues with food, music and drinks. It gives Bethany a chance to catch up on everything that has been going on and to kind of give everyone the story about the cancer. Bethany doesnt mind though, she feels as if its apart of her now and a story that she will always not mind telling. But what Bethany cant help noticing is that she hasnt seen Stella and Harry talk or even look at each other not once. There usually always together and never apart, so she pulls Stella to the side and asks whats going on

'What?'

'I havent seen you to talk not once, I know you guys got into a fight but-'

'It's fine Bethany its all fucking fine. He just assumed some stuff that was entirely accurate, dont trip alright, babe?' Stella says and leaves hollering to Niall in the kitchen that she wants another drink. Bethany rolls her eyes and goes back to the conversation with Jade, Luke, and Jesy.

-

2 days later Bethany is back in the hostpital and she's having a meeting with her doctor. In the room is her mum, dad, Liam and Stella. They had said they wanted to be there when they found out if Bethany was going to be cancer free or not. Bethany and her mum were talking the night before and she said she had a good feeling that she was going to be okay. After they had talked Bethany left her mums hotel and went back to her flat.

And it felt like so many times before, working at uni all day and rushing to get back to her warm flat. Bethany opens the door with her key and see's Stella sitting on the couch all wrapped up in blankets and typing on her laptop. Its comforting and strange at the same time; comforting because Stella will somehow always be her home and Strange because Stella never does her work and Harry isnt coming out from the kitchen or laying on the floor or sleeping somewhere strange like the table. Bethany takes her key out of the door, takes her coat and shoes off and runs to the couch laying down next to her. And fuck Bethany is so happy to be home.

-

'So the surgery was a suscess and the cancer has been removed from your kidney, but' the doctor pauses and Bethany cant look at him so she looks at Liam and there hands intertwined. She squezzes it just to make sure she isnt alone, tired of feeling alone

'But what? Get on with it!' her dad snaps just as nervous at Bethany, the doctor sighs and looks down and Bethany can see tears already begin to fall from her mums eyes and its bad news, its always bad news.

'The cancer has spread, and all we can do now is chemotherapy. But if that doesnt work then-'

'There has to be something else, that cant be fucking it?!' Stella says cutting him off, the first time she has spoken since the meeting has started

'I'm afraid it is, we can still hope for the best if we try chemo.' the doctor's eyes are full of sadness and Bethany wonders if he has a daughter and if she's the light of his life

'I think that'll be the best descion' Bethany's mum decides and Bethany turns her head sharply at her

'I dont think it's your descion, mum' Bethany snaps and her mum scowls at her

'What do you mean? Of course were doing chemotherapy' she's a young woman with light makeup covering her ageing face and long brown hair curled to perfection

'We're? You mean me? You arent the one who is going to be going through with this, I am. Me. It's _my_ body so _I_ think I should be the one who makes the descions on what to do with it, thanks,' Bethany suddenly gets up letting go of Liam's hand 'I will tell you my descion soon, thank you for everything.' Bethany leans over and gives her doctor a hug then walks out.

Bethany feels like she's going to pass out, her whole world is spinning, she just wants to lay on the floor and cry. _This isnt how my life is sopposed to go, something isnt right,_ Bethany thinks to herself. She walks out of the sliding doors and she's half way through the parking lot when it begins to rain. But Bethany keeps walking, passing her dad's rangeover her hair is matted down to her head, her makeup making black streaks down her cheeks. She's just thankful that her tears are blending in with the rain or she would look like a idiot crying while walking down the street. Bethany is just about to cross the street and go into the park but a firm hand grabs her arm, she doesnt even need to turn around to know who it is. Bethany turns around and see's Liam; with his big brown sad eyes and matted down thin hair, his clothes are soaking. He doesnt even say anything his big eyes boring into hers, Bethany finaly breaks and a sob erupts from her throat. Liam pulls her close to his chest and she just cries in the rain in the middle of london into Liam's chest and it hurts so fucking bad.

It's like waves of pain hitting her over and over, her chest is literally aching and all she can do is cry. Liam finaly pulls away and holds her face inbetween his wet hands, he stares deeply into her eyes and Bethany wants to look away but she cant

'Dont tell me your giving up now. Your family needs you, Stella needs you, I nee-'

'What about what I want?' Bethany whispers and she's angry and hurt, and to be honest Bethany is tired of being angry and sad she just wants to live her life. Instead of answering Liam leans his down and kisses her. This is sort of what Bethany has wanted her whole life; to be kissed thats full of so much love in the rain. Buts its differant, this kiss if full of hope and need and it makes guilt wash through Bethany and she now understands what she needs to do.

-

A week later Bethany has just come home from her first chemo session and she feel pretty tired and shitty. 1. because she is diganosed with stage 4 kidney cancer and it has spread to her lungs and she's fucking scared to death and theres a 50% chance she wont make it. 2. she's angry at the world.

Bethany walks through the door with such a fucking attitude but she doesnt care, never has never will. She slips off her converse at the door, unbuttons her coat and hangs it on the rack. Stella sits on the floor and starts to tie her black Dr. Martens. Stella wanted to go with Bethany to her first appointment even though Bethany didnt think it was a good idea at all, she had suggested that they just hide under the blankets from this cruel world. So naturally Bethany was in a pissy mood

'Hungry?' Stella asks sitting next to Bethany on the couch

'Nah' Bethany mumbles not even looking at Stella

'Beth the doctor said you have to eat' Stella says pushing her legs lightly 'You know I'm not the type to nag and shit but this is important'

'I'm really not hungry, Stella.' Bethany says with more irritation

'Not even a little bit? Bethany you have to eat something' Stella prods on 'I'll even let you pick what we eat this time and we can watch films and eat junk fo-'

'Stella I said I'm not fucking hungry, alright?!' Bethany snaps and it sounds so harsh but Bethany is angry and terrified 'please leave me alone'

Stella stands up from the couch and glares at her 'the fuck is your problem?'

'Well I dont know maybe because I have a 50% chance of living?' Bethany spits sitting up with daggers in her eyes

'Why are you letting this define you? Your stronger than this' Stella's eyes are full of hope and pleads

'You dont know what it's like, you will never understand' Bethany mutters

'Of course I wont ever understand, but that's why I have you to make me understand. You arent fucking dying yet, Bethany!' Stella shouts

'You dont fucking understand, Stella! I have a 50 percent chance of living! I might never get married or have kids and live in a house somewhere where the sky reaches on for miles! My life could be taken away by something growing in my body' Bethany is standing up now and Bethany wants to cry and scream and light the couch on fire but she wont, cant. 'Your going to make it to New York, I'm not'

Stella starts to cry now, fat tears falling down her cheeks rapidly and it hurts; the wave of pain hitting her again. 'Dont say that, dont talk like that!' Stella shouts through her tears.

Bethany immediatly brings her into a hug and Stella is shaking in her arms 'shh I'm sorry, Its just the truth alright?'

-

Stella falls asleep curled up against Bethany in her bed, they orderd pizza and watched films until Bethany was to tired to keep her eyes open. Eventually Bethany gets consumed into sleep and these days sleep is her escape to the nightmare that is her life.

 


	17. seventeen

It's been a month since Stella and Harry's fight, 3 weeks since Bethanys first chemo session, saying that Stella was scared and stressed was an understatement. Stella's always on edge, since she became Bethany's full time nurse its been hard, going with her to almost all of her appointments and helping her when she starts to throw up or have a random nose bleed. Stella like's to spend as much time with Bethany as she possibly can because she see's her slowing slipping away. Everyday Bethany looses a little bit more of her long auburn hair and Bethany tries to act like it isnt affecting her at all but it is, Stella can see it in her eyes. So one day Stella knocked on the bathroom door asking Bethany if she was alright, she had been in the bathroom for awhile and Zayn was waiting in the living room, the three of them had plans for dinner. Stella shouted her name over and over again but Bethany didnt answer all there was were sounds of muffled crying. Stella being the panicky and worried type about Bethany she orderd Zayn to kick down the door and he did.

In the corner of the bathroom was Bethany curled up in a tight ball her whole body shaking and her long once beautiful auburn hair chopped up and scatterd on the floor and sink. Stella couldnt believe the sight, in that moment Stella knew that it was all falling to pieces. She already knew deep down in her heart that Bethany wasnt going to make it, and a piece of her broke that day. Stella is slowing withering away with her bestfriend

-

Today Stella doesnt have to go to a doctors appointment or go to a treatment with Bethany or talk to a specialist or finish work for uni, she even has the day off at the tea shop. There are zero plans for the both of them and Stella isnt used to the silence. She always wakes up before Bethany now and today is no different, so she sits on the couch not doing anything just sitting and staring out the big windows. Her mind is settle for once but then the doorbell rings and she groans out and makes herself get up and answer the door.

Stella is going to go fucking insane really and its so fucking weird and shocking that Stella almost starts to laugh. But its also painful and her mind is in overdrive again and -fuck its only 9:30 in the morning so why is Harry Styles standing at her doorstep holding her 5 month old niece in one strong arm and a big diaper bag hanging off his shoulder. She cant even form words because Stella had barely just woken up 10 minutes ago and her hair is in a very messy bird-nest like bun and she isnt _ready_ for all of this, for him to come crashing back down in her life. She has had barely any time for her to think about their relationship and what she wants, so for it to just pop up in her face like that is just overwhelming

'Uh hi?,' Stella finally croaks out, and Harry smirks, he fucking smirks at her and Stella just rolls her eyes and gets back into defensive mode. She reaches over and grabs Alexa by her underarms and holds her onto her hip pecking a kiss on her cheek 'why do you have my niece with you?'

'Amber asked me to pick her up for the day because she had a work meating or something and I-I just wanted to drop by so she could see you and Beth' Harry shruggs and Stella rolls her eyes because of fucking course Harry and Stella's sister would have a great friendship and of course Amber would call Harry instead of her. They have a bit of a staring contest until Alexa pulls her bun gently, Stella snaps out of those sea-weed green eyes and walks towards the living room. Harry shutting the door softly and walking into the room slowly seeming unsure of what to do because it is all very awkward.

Stella takes 2 big blankets from the end of the couch and lays them down on the floor and sets Alexa down on them, she then opens the hallway closet and takes out a big basket full of toys that Stella keeps since Alexa visits often. The 5 month year old plays with the toys happily while Stella puts in 'The Little Mermaid' just so it isnt completely silent.

When Stella is done setting up for her little niece she turns around and crosses her arms at Harry, who has set the bag down on the couch and is standing with his arms behind his back.

'You can go now' Stella says not meaning to sound so harsh

'But I-' but Harry doesnt get to finish, never does

'I can watch Alexa it's fine' Stella reassures trying to smile

'But I also want to, Stells' the nick name slipping out of his mouth like its the only word he knows

Stella sighs and pulls her bangs back, watching Alexa try to put blocks together 'fine, watch Alexa while I go shower will you?' Harry nods and gives her a warm smile that makes that feeling sting in her veins. So she just leaves the room as quickly as fast as she can.

-

After Stella showers she quickly puts on a black rolling stones shirt that has holes litering around it with black tights, she brushes her hair and brushes her teeth quickly not sure if Harry is capable of taking care of a young child for a long amount of time. She doesnt bother with makeup because she could care less of what Harry thinks, Stella slips on her hello kitty slippers that she's had since she was 14 and walks slowly to the living room.

Stella peeks around the corner of the hall and see's Harry laying on the floor curled up with Alexa and there both napping peacefully. Alexa's short thick black curls fanning around her head while she sleeps peacefully while Harry's mouth is slightly open, his breathing steady while his unruly curls are also faning his face. Stella walks slowly back down the hall and opens Bethany's door slightly, just as she is about to leave the Bathroom door opens and Bethany emerges; she is complety bald, with dark circles under her eyes. She looks horrible and tired and so sick but Stella gives her the best fake smile she can make

'Hungry?' Stella asks and Bethany just looks down not saying anything

'Sure' Bethany finally croaks and looks up; her eyes shining, she gives Stella a small smile.

Stella winks at her and closes her door softly and tip toes back to the kitchen and takes out the phone book from the top drawer. She begins to flip through it looking for something good to eat, Stella is so focused on the task at hand that she jumps out of her skin when she feels a warm body press against her backside and strong arms wrap around her middle. She doesnt even have to look up to know its him, its always fucking him. Harry nuzzles his head into the place where her shoulder and neck meet and places a gentle light kiss there. And Stella has to hold her composure and not totally fucking freak out on him because for a month its been total silence and Stella has been alone in this whole thing and she really thought that Harry would be there for her for everything; not just come and go as he please's

So Stella unwraps his hands from around her waist harshly, takes the phonebook and walks on the otherside of the counter not once looking up at him. But Harry being the little shit he is pulls himself up on the counter and sits crosslegged right infront of Stella, and she just sighs still not looking at him

'Get your dirty arse off my counter' She says calmly trying to keep her shit together but then Harry's loud laugh rings in the air before he smacks his hand over his mouth remembering that Alexa is asleep. Fuck Stella cant handle it anymore she looks up at him and his eyes are fucking _shining_ and Stella is so whipped its making her go insane. 'Your making me go insane'

Harry gets off the counter then turning Stella firmly but gently at the same time, he pulls her close to him and his face is just inches from hers. Stella looks into those green eyes for the first time in a long time and she feels like she's going to melt

'I said before and I'll say it again, when I look at you everything stops' Harry whispers against her lips and Stella is hurting and angry so she pushes Harry away 'why do you always push me away, Stella? Why wont you let me love you?'

'You didnt come after me' Stella says sharply

'What?' Harry asks in confusion his brows furrowing

'Every time we fight or something happens and I leave you never come after me, Harry. You always come when it's fucking conveniant for you and Im sick and tired of the bullshit, I really am.' Stella snaps and tries to keep her voice quiet and steady

'I didnt know you wanted me to' Harry finally says after a moment

Stella is just tired of being afraid and not being honest with herself or with anyone else. Harry eyes widen and he comes closer to her but Stella steps back making the space between them wider 'but I dont think it will work out, If im honest'

'Why would you say that? We're best friends Stella' Harry says seeming to get more irritated

'Exactly just best friends. Look I really dont want to talk about it' she turns her back to him and tries to walk back into the living room but he grabs her arm and spins her around to look at him

'No we are talking about this, no more running away' Harry huffs and his eyes are so fucking bright 'What are you so afraid of?'

'N-nothing, why would I be afraid?' Stella says trying to play it off cool but her stomach is doing flips

'You can trust me, Stella' Harry says lowely

'I dont trust anyone' Stella mumbles, Harry gets closer to her once again and his hand is tight on her hip and Stella cant look at him or she'll loose it

'You can trust me, I would never ever do anything to hurt you, I will always be here for you, Stella. You and me against the world' he says but then Stella's mind flashbacks to all of the guys who have said that to her, all of the boys that Stella was temporily in love with just to get through the night and they all said the same thing. But the thing that hit her the most was that her dad had said when she was just 10 years old. _'I'll always be here for you Stella, me and you against the world'_ but the shitty part is that her dad left a month later. 10 year old Stella had to come home to her dad walking down the stairs with a box in his hands, and her mum sitting at the table smoking looking out the window. He puts the box down beside her and bends down to her level, her dad gently kisses her forehead, picks up the box then leaves. She hasnt seen him since

'Get out' Stella whispers her eyes wide and full of tears

'W-what?' Harry says in shock

Stella takes 5 big steps back from him 'get out right now! Get out of my fucking house!' She screams now.

'Stella- what the fu-'

'GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW!' tears spill over and Harry quickly leaves without another word and Stella can hear Alexa start to whine so she wipes the tears from her face and goes to where she is. She picks up the small child and cradles her against her chest; rocking gently.

'Dont ever grow up Lex, it's a trap.' She whispers gently to Alexa

-

A few hours later Stella is sitting on the couch next to her sister while Bethany is napping on the recliner. Alexa is playing on the floor with her many toys, while snacking on her baby treats

'So you just told him to get out?' Amber says trying to clarify and Stella just nods 'well why?'

'Because he was telling me all this shi- stuff about how he was going to never hurt me and all this other bull' Stella pauses for a second tries to get her breathing right 'he also said some things that reminded me of dad'

'Oh god, what did he say?'

'This thing that dad used to say to me, the whole _us against the world_ thing, you remember that dont you?' Stella asks looking up at her sister, Amber wasnt really close with there dad like Stella was. She was more of a momma's girl and didnt get him like Stella did.

Amber nods. 'I think that kind of set me off because I just remember him and he was so fucking great. But then he just decided to leave and after that I just lost hope in everything, you know?'

'Yeah, I know I wasn't as close to him as you were but you have to learn to trust again because without trust what do you have?'

'Nothing.' Stella mumbles in reply 'It's hard though, Im afraid to feel like that again'

'Oh, sweetie. Harry is a great guy and I'm sure he wouldnt do anything to hurt you, ever. I see the way he looks at you, dont ever let that go because I assure you, you wont ever find it again' Amber's big green eyes staring into hers and it reminds her of Harry, reminds her of the way his eye's light up when he finds something special. Or the way his grin gets wider when he's laughing.

'Yeah, okay.' is all Stella says 'I think um, I'm gonna go out. I havent in awhile'

'Right, It's getting late anyway I should get the little one home' Stella picks up Alexa and swings her around she laughs loudly. Amber and Alexa leave shortly sharing tight hugs and Ambers words telling her to be strong.

When the door closes Stella leans against it and just listens to the silence, she see's Bethany's body moving up and down slowly. Stella wakes up Bethany gently telling her, her mum is going to be there soon.

'Okay, where you going?' Bethany asks soft with sleep

'Just out for a little, need to get my mind together' Stella says smiling sheepishly. Bethany nods and lays back down. Stella pads to the shower, she closes the door and keeps the lights off letting the soft light of the sunset come from the window. The hot water envolopes her, she just wishes it would wash away all of her problems and fears.

-

An hour and a half later Stella is knocking on Zayns door, she's adoring a cross strap black velvet short dress, with tights and her highest black stilletoes. Her eyes rimmed in black and her lips stained red.

Zayn opens the door a minute later sporting a white crisp shirt with a black blazer and pressed black pants. His quiff styled to perfection.

'Well dont you look lovely' Zayn compliments, Stella rolls her eyes and smiles fondly at him, she gives him a tight hug and makes her way into the kitchen already needing a drink. Apparently Zayn already know's her because there's already a glass of rum and coke sitting on the counter waiting for her.

'You know me so well, Malik. Where's Perrie?' she asks sipping the drink trying to get her hands to stop shaking

'She's meeting us at the party with Jesy and Jade' Zayns says smiling a bit, it's this fashion show that Perrie was in and everyone was invited to the after party that's sopposed to be really fancy 'you okay? I can see your shaking'

'I'm fine just a bit nervous' Stella mumbles

'Bout' what babe?' Zayn asks opening the kitchen window and pulling out a cigarrete, he lights it and Stella has been itching for one in so long but she has been trying to stop smoking and drinking so much.

'Dunno, just been on edge lately' Stella says before plucking the fag from Zayn and sucking on it with urgence, her hands not shaking so much anymore. She blows out the smoke after giving back to Zayn loving the feeling of the smoke burning her lungs.

-

It's dark inside the club and loud music playing that is getting Stella hyped, Zayn and Stella go through the crowd looking for a familair face. All Stella can see is drunk models dancing around and rich men drinking exspensive champagne and smoking cigars watching from the side. Stella has never felt so out of place.

So she clutches onto Zayns forearm not comfortable at all. Soon they find Harry, Niall, Louis, and Jade talking by the bar. Stella soon freezes and grips Zayns arm tighter tugging him back slightly

'You didnt tell me Harry was gonna be here' Stella hissed over the loud music

'Didnt think it would matter? Dont let em' faze you Stell's' Zayn says before winking and leading them the rest of the way to the bar. Stells greet's them with tight hugs (except for Harry of course) and she immediatly begins to chat with them and does not forget to order her all time favorite drink; vodka tonic. Because without vodka Stella doesnt think she would be able to live.

Just one hour later and Stella is drunk and dancing dirtily with a bunch of other models and rich people that Stella could maybe be friends with because they all laugh at what she says and maybe that's a good sign. All of the sadness and stress and pain from before is suddenly gone and she feels great; so fucking great. It's like a sigh of content because this is Stella's element, drunk and high dancing like a slut on X. Stella gives no fucks tonight, not even when Harry has been staring at her all night downing drink after drink but Stella likes it. Likes knowing that he has to _fucking work_ for her, she doesnt give herself away; not anymore. Stella has high standards, told herself late at night when she couldnt sleep that it was time to build up the walls again and not to be afraid but to be focused on one's self.

-

At an ungodly hour of 7 am the sun was just rising and Stella was making her way out of the club with her heel's clutched in her hand. Stella's hair was a dirty frizzy mess with sparkles, confetti and flowers twisted in the curly strands, her red lipstick was long rubbed off and her makeup blacked around her eyes. She was a content, tired, hot mess. At least she was soberd up a bit, right? Stella started to walk down the sidewalk looking down at her phone scrolling through her many contacts looking for Zayns name. Apparently it's okay to go with someone to a party but not to leave with them, the last time Stella remember's seeing him is when everyone was taking shots. Stella had a bit more after that and everything was spinning and the world looked more beautiful.

She clicked on Zayns number and it started to ring, Stella kept walking looking down at the sidewalk as she walked praying that Zayn would answer.

'Hello?' Zayn's deep groggy voice rang in Stella's ears and - oomf, Stell is suddenly toppling to the cold hard floor with a thud. Her shoes and phone falling out of her hands when she hits the ground. She's about to get up and beat the shit out of who ever knocked her over, since the alcohal is still swimming in her veins nicely. But when Stella looks up its.. of fucking course it's Harry. He's wearing a white shirt and a thick red flanel with his tight black jeans with a beanie tucked over his wild curls, he swiftly picks up Stella's phone and heels and gets a grip behind her waist and picks her up like she's a fucking feather. He hands her, her things and Stella takes them not looking away from his eyes.

'Hi?' Stella says slowly

'What are you doing out here at 7am Stella?' Harry says skipping the hello

'I could ask you the same thing, Styles' she says lowly making sure theres a bit of distance between them

'I work at the bakery, remember?' Harry says with narowed eyes like its the most obvouis thing in the earth

'Yeah right, fuck I have the shift at the tea shop today' Stella mumbles mostly to herself. Then her eyes widen and she remember's Zayn on the phone, she re-dials his number but he doesnt answer this time. It goes straight to voicemail and Stella doesnt know where she is.

She bites her lip and looks behind her, then back infront of her and Harry is staring at her. 'What?'

'You dont know where your going do you?' Harry asks raising his eye brow

Stella cocks her hip and crosses her arms and gives him a glare 'Of course I know where Im going.'

Harry rolls his eyes 'follow me'

'No, I said I know where I am and where I am going'

'Come off it Stella and follow me, I'll take you home' Harry says and starts walking past her not bothering to look back because he know's Stella is following close behind.

They walk in silence for a few minutes, Stella starts to shake from the cold wind and the freezing tempatures but she tries to ignore it. Until she feels a warm fabric wrap around her shoulders, Stella looks up and Harry is looking down at her with kind warm eyes and Stella feels so guilty and shitty because Harry _is_ the nicest person she knows and she's been such a bitch to him.

'Thank you' Stella whispers to him not breaking there contact, she puts her arms through the flannel that goes down to mid-thigh and is so warm and just smells like _him._ He gives her a small smile and looks away from her.

They soon get to Stella's apartment building and it's all very weird and awkward

'Thank you for walking me home, Harry' Stella says not meeting his eyes 'I know i've been such a bitch lately and i-im sorry, I really am.'

'It's alright Stella, your still my favorite person' Harry says cheekily showing his dimple, Stella laughs lightly and it seems alright again 'I'll see you later I have bakery duty'

'Yeah, okay. See you later Harry Styles' Stella says, before she can even think about what she's doing she kisses his cheek and turns and walks in the door without another word or glance.

And maybe things are looking up again.

Once Stella gets up to the flat she finds that the door is already unlocked, she walks in and puts her heels on the floor. Stella walks down the hall to Bethany's room and the door is closed, her mum nowhere in sight. The sight before her makes her eyes widen and her heart drop. Bethany is laying to her side crying softly and she's sweating with barf covering the sheets.

After that it's kind of a blur. Stella screams through the phone that she needs an ambulance telling them that her best friend is dying.

'Bethany' Stella whispers cradeling her head and Bethany is still crying and she's shaking

'I'm scared, Stella' Bethany croaks and just then the medics come into the flat barging into the room and putting Bethany on the stretcher and pushing her out. Stella follows quickly after holding Bethanys hand with tears dripping down her cheeks, Stella even climbs in the ambulance telling the medics all of Bethany's allergies and her situation through a shaky voice.

They make it to the hostpital while Stella is held back by 3 nurses telling her she needs to calm down and that everything is going to be okay. But Stella cant calm down she's shaking and screaming that she doesnt want her bestfriend to die yet, not yet. She isnt ready.

 


	18. eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is both Stella and Bethany's pov. pls bear with me( :

All she can see is white, that's all Stella see's is white. She's been sitting in the same fucking chair in the waiting room for over an hour now. Bethany's mum and dad are sitting in the waiting room also, her mum's eyes red and her dad's shoulders hunched with stress and worry. But Stella doesnt want to be near anyone right now, so she sits herself across the room away from everyone and everything. Her hands are shaking holding the white thin cup filled with cold coffee, tears slowly coming down her cheeks every time she thinks of the chance that Bethany could not wake up.

Stella only told Zayn that Bethany was back in the hostpital and all it took for him and Perrie was to come 15 minutes later was _'Bethany is back in the hostpital, I'm scared, Zayn.'_ They both came with open arms, when Stella saw them both with tired eyes and bed head she cried extra hard in Zayns arms. About an hour later Perrie had to go back home and get ready because she had a modeling shoot or something.

So its Zayn sitting 5 chairs away from Stella in the waiting room with Bethany's parents sitting all the way across the room. It's fairly silent just with the quiet chatter between the nurses, doctors, and patients. Stella hasnt talked in 45 minutes she's been counting, it's been 30 minutes since the doctor said they can see Bethany in an hour. Closer and closer the clock ticks and it's making Stella more anxious, her hands shaking and her head pounding. Zayn eventually slides over to the chair next to Stella (with 10 minutes left until they can see Bethany) and intertwines there fingers squeezing reasuringly.

'What if she doesnt wake up?' Stella whispers and Zayn turns to look at her sharply

'Dont talk like that, Stella' he says gently but firm

'What am I going to do? I'm not ready for this at all, I cant- I cant live on my own. Everything I have ever planned in my life has been with her by my side.' Stella crys and she's panicking now

'Stella listen to me,' Zayn says letting go of her hand and grabbing her shoulders 'Bethany is going to make it, she's strong. Dont talk about shit like that eather, it's going to be alright-'

Zayn's cut off by the doctor stepping into the room and Stella immediatly shoots up forgetting about the conversation entirely.

'Can we see her?' Bethany's dad asks' lowley

'Yes, but she is asleep. Only the parents are welcome to stay in the room with her for the night, I'm afraid.' the doctor looks over at Stella when he says that but Stella only has a flash of confience about that before she's walking past him and down the hall around the corner to Bethany's room.

Stella opens the door slowly and Bethany is laying on the bed looking lifeless as ever with machines and wires hooked up to her. It brought a fresh batch of burning tears to her eyes to see her _bestfriend_ like this, Bethany; so full of life and joy looking so helpless and sick _so fucking sick!_ Stella could barely breath. She goes to the side of her bed and grabs her hand gently, squezzing it hoping for a squeze back. She doesnt get one.

'Bethany' Stella whispers with hope and she's crying now 'Beth, please wake up. Please dont leave me yet.' Stella has tears dripping down her face and she's so scared and it's eating at her. Just then she feels a squezze and her face lit up but then the monitor on the oppisite of the bed started to beep. The straight beep that signals that the heart rate is going down.

Again everything went by in a blur and in slow motion. The nurses and doctors rushing in and pushing Stella out, while Stella is crying harder and trying to get to her bestfriend. They practically carry her out to the waiting room and tell her that she needs to calm down but Stella is so fucking angry that she rips there grip off of her and runs in the direction of the exit. Everything is blurry and there's pain everywhere in her body, so naturally she bumps into something and she wants to hit something so fucking hard and just _kill_ and give them the same pain she's feeling. Stella looks up and it's Harry and all of the anger suddenly washes away and all there is, is pain. Pure fucking pain shooting through her body, Stella puts her face in his chest and grabs fist fulls of his t-shirt and fucking _cries._ And Harry is holding her tight and Stella never wants him to let go, never ever wants to be away from him again. Never ever wants to leave his side. Because he's really been with her through _everything_ , every angry and emotional ride Harry has been there to comfort and give a shoulder to cry on. Stella then realizes if she loses Harry when she's loosing Bethany then she wont ever be okay again.

-

Bethany feels burst of electricity running through her body, it's a weird feeling but a sensantional feeling none the less. All she see's is white and gold and she feels herself being pulled back up, before she was slowly sinking to the bottom of the ocean. But now she's being pulled up to the surface fast and once she gets to the top she can finally fucking _breath._

Bethany know's she dreaming now because the world is prettier and her once long auburn hair is back and theres no stress or anxiety tensing her shoulders. Bethany feels the cold sand on the bottom of her feet and starts walking to the shore, she isnt wearing any clothing but feels no burning in her cheeks of being so exposed. Once Bethany gets to the shore she isnt cold or hot but at the perfect tempurture, it's all so wonderful and strange. There's 2 chairs and a table inbetween them, on one of the chairs there's a small dress with a note attached. Bethany picks it up and puts it on while skimming over the note

'Walk down the beach towards the music my love. -L

Bethany instantly smiles because without Liam how could it be paradise? She goes down the beach and as she's walking the sun is going down fast and its soon the amazing orange colors of the sunset are filling her surroundings. Bethany hears the music get louder and louder she walks on a small path and is met with all of her friends that she has ever met in her entire life sitting at one big table that goes on for miles and miles eating, drinking and laughing together like they had all known each other forever.

Bethany is speechless and when they notice her everyone cheers, there all so fucking excited to see her and a happiness Bethany has never felt before blooms in her chest and it's all so wonderful. Liam comes up to her and immeditaly wraps her up in his arms and kisses her with so much passion and lust that it leaves Bethany breathless.

Bethany sits down at the end of the table and in the seats beside her are her closest friends. Stella on her right side and Bethany wants to cry but she cant, the tears wont produce so instead she envolopes her into the biggest hug and she's so happy to see her. She tries to recall what had happend since the last time she's seen her but she cant, it's like every single bad memory she has ever had is lost from her memory. All she can remember is the good memories and good thoughts, everyone is so happy and Stella doesnt look tired anymore she looks fresh holding Harry's hand tightly in her lap.

'What's all this about?' Bethany asks with a smile

'It's a celebration for you of course!' Stella says but it isnt Stella's voice, Bethany doesnt reconize it at all.

'What are we celebrating?' Bethany asks but everyone is just smiling and laughing and its so fucking strange

'Your death' Stella says with a manic grin on her face. No later than a second Bethany is being plunged back into the ocean and as she's slowly sinking she can see everyone looking down at her from the surface. All Bethany does is scream and scream begging for someone to help her but they dont, and she's sinking faster into the darkness of the ocean floor but Bethany can still breath somehow. She's still alive but is drowning, no one willing to save her.

Bethany suddenly opens her eyes coughing and breathing deeply the white light from above her shining brightly in her face. Suddenly nurses and doctors rush in talking to her a mile a minute and she doesnt know where she is, all Bethany feels is a pain in her chest and she cant even move. All she does is try and take deep breathes while a nurse with tired eyes sticks a mask on her face, the last thing Bethany see's before drifting off into a tired sleep is Liam's tear streaked face.

-

What seem's like hours later Bethany is awake again, her eyes blinking open slowly with the the light from the sunrise coming in through the big windows. In the corner she see's her mum sleeping in the chair by the windows and Liam beside her bed in a chair, Bethany can suddenly feel her body and everything isnt so numb and hazy. She can feel the pain traveling up her body and her lungs and throat feel like there on fire, she can feel the 2 IV's that are in her skin and it's all so overwheliming and scary. Bethany weakly reaches for the emergency red button that sits just were her hand is, no later then 15 seconds later 2 nurses come in with clipboards and water.

One of the nurses puts the cup in Bethanys face and helps her drink it slowly, the cool water calming down her throat but not her aches and pains.

'Goodmorning Bethany how are you feeling this morning, from 1 to 10' the nurse asks and Bethany tries to croke out her answer but she just cant talk 'Use fingers if you need to' Bethany slowly puts up 8 fingers and the nurse tells her that she's going to put some pain medication in her IV and that everything is going to be okay.

A warm hand suddenly envolopes her's and its' Liam's warm hand, and he's crying. Tears falling down his cheeks while he bows his head crying in Bethany's hand.

'Liam?' Bethany barely croaks out, he suddenly stands up and kisses her forhead and puts his forhead to hers. Then he's gone. Bethany's mum is talking with the nurse quietly by the door and Bethany is freaking out, she doesnt know what day it is or how long she's been asleep.

'Mum! Mum, mum, mum' is all Bethany croaks fearfully and she comes to her bedside quickly

'I'm so happy your alright, Bethany' tears started to go down her mum cheeks now and Bethany hates when people cry.

'What's happend?' Bethany gets out

'You've been asleep for 3 days, the doctors didnt know if you were going to make it' her mum whispers and it's all so fucking overwhelming but Bethany doesnt freak out or start to cry because she almost died. Bethany is ready, she feels ready, tired of suffering and trying to get through everyday when it's so damn hard. So fucking hard.

'Your friends are in the waiting room, Stella was a right mess. She's so afraid of loosing you, Beth' Her mum mumbles. Guilt runs through Bethany's veins, she feels horrible for even thinking about how she wants to die now and leave everyone who needs her behind.

'Want me to send her in?' her mum asks and Bethany nods sitting up slowly. 10 minutes later Stella come's in with her hair in a messy casual bun, she's wearing ripped black jeans, a grey rolling stone's T with a red flannel and her usualy black docs. Her eyes are rimmed red and her face a bit blotchy but other than that she seem's fine. Like she isnt affected at all about what had happend, but all Bethany remembers is seeing her face when she found Bethany sick in bed.

'Hi Beth, how ya feelin?' Stella asks sitting cross legged at the end of the bed

'Like shit, you alright?' Bethany asks and Stella just nods but Bethany can see past her cool exterior she can see her shaking hands as it plays with the strings of her Docs. 'Come here' Bethany says gently and Stella jumps into Bethany's arms shaking softly in her arms. The quiet sobs racking her body as Bethany holds her and pets her hair. 'It's alright'

'No it isnt, I was so afraid you were going to die' Stella whimperd finally pulling away and wiping away at her eyes.

'Listen, Stella' Bethany says facing her and she could tell theres sadness swarmin in her eyes

'No, dont fucking look at me like that, Bethany!' Stella says

'Will you just listen please?' Bethany says weekly already feeling tired and defeted 'I'm not going to make it, I know it and so do you. Please take care of yourself for me alright? Dont start fucking everything up for you just because I'm not going to be around. You need to be strong alright?' Bethany says taking deep breath's inbetween each sentace.

Stella start to shake her head fast, tears going down her cheeks 'Please, Bethany' Stella mumbles fisting her eyes. She gets up and lays down next to Bethany, laying her head on her chest. They lay there for an hour when they both fall asleep but Stella leaves before Bethany even wakes.

The thing eating away at Bethany the most though is that her and Liam havent talked about what had happend and what is going to happen yet. He seem's more closed off and afraid more than anything and it Breaks Bethany's heart because she knows what's going to happen and so does he. So 2 days after Bethany had first admitted to herself and Stella that things were coming to an end she lays with Liam in her hostpital bed at the very early hours of the morning. Bethany didnt want to sleep yet because she feels the days getting shorter and she only has a limited time left.

'Li?' Bethany whispers holding his hand close to her chest

'Hmm?' he mumbles his eyes closed and Bethany can feel him drifting

'I'm not going to make it' she whispers and suddenly it's all so real, Bethany finaly comes to realization that her life is ending.

'Dont talk like that' he says sharply like he's almost angry at her

'It's true and you know it' Bethany says back weakly but tries to be sharp

'Please Bethany, I dont want to talk about this'

'Arent you even a little bit worried that I'm not going to be alive anymore? Sam is more emotional about it, then you are!' Bethany says suddenly angry

'You think I dont care that the love of my life is dying? You think that I'm not emotional about it? I wont let you see my emotions, I still need you to believe that I'm strong for you since no one else is' he says hoarsly his eyes filling up 'Im- I just im afraid to loose you again, I dont know what I'm going to do' he whispers tears falling down his cheeks slowly and it's really the first time Bethany has seen him so emotional

'Hey, hey your going to be alright. I might be not around in the future but I will never _ever_ stop being with you, Liam Payne. Even when your old and have 15 grandchildren with a wife who I know is going to be wonderful. You will never ever get rid of me, so _you_ dont talk like I'm going to be gone forever because I never will fully be gone.' Bethany pulls him to her so his head is resting on her chest while he cries softly holding her small fragile weak body in her own. 'Your the first boy I have really ever loved, Liam. I will always love you, forever.'

Liam leanes up then and kisses Bethany just as the sun's rays are streaming through the window, they slot there mouths together until the nurses are pushing him out of the room.

-

A week later Bethany is still very painfully sick but she's tired of being here, tired of just walking around outside or in the hallways. So one day she wakes up to Stella and Harry sitting at the windowsill each of them reading a book, there legs tangled together and Bethany wants to cry.

'Take me to the beach' she croaks out and Stella shoots up and goes to her bed side immediatly

'What?' she asks with an amused grin

'I want to go to the beach, Stella.' she says again and Stella looks at her, scans her face before she nods firmly before leaving the room 'Harry, love help me up and such' Bethany asks, he quickly gets up and help's Bethany up to the bathroom but before closing the bathroom door he hugs Bethany tights and Bethany feels so warm in his arms, he kisses her temple gently before grinning down at her.

'Love you, Beth' he whispers closing the bathroom door

After arguments with doctors and nurses and packing and planing a hour later Bethany is hooked up to a oxygen take while Harry is holding her "cancer bag" full of essentials that help her get through the day. Just then Luke's Volkswagen Van that Bethany hasnt seen in ages pull's up filled with all of her friends, all of the windows are down and coldplay is blasting, she still wants to cry.

Once they all get to the beach and unpack Bethany sits on the warm sand with a towel wrapped around her shoulders as she watches her bestfriends play in the water and play footie in the deserted beach. It's all so beautiful, the sun glistening on the water, making her friends look like moving silhouettes, she hasnt been this happy in weeks. Time passes and the sun is soon setting and everyone is sitting on the warm sand watching, Bethany leaning on Liam holding his hand tight, while Stella is leaning on Harry's shoulder next to her. Everyone's quiet as they watch the sun go slowly down and it's wonderful its all so beautiful and if Bethany is ever having a bad day all she has to do is remember this moment; this moment of being surrounded by the people she loves most, these people that she met 2 years ago in a cafe a week into her freshman year at university. These people with her now made one of the darkest time's of her life the happiest time's, it's all so weird because so much as happend since the way begining of everything. Everything is so differant and she loves them so much, loves everything about this day.

These are the most important days of life Bethany thinks and when she gets to share the most important day's of her life with people she would do anything for life is pretty fucking fantastic, even if the situation or the state of health one is in itsnt so fantastic. This seems like the last good day to, Bethany. Like the last beautiful memory before she leaves this earth and she hopes she becomes a piece of the ocean so all you have to do is step in the cool but beautiful water to feel her again.

She whispers just that to Liam on the ride home when Bethany and all of her friends are cuddled together in blankets on there way back to the hostpital.

 


	19. nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back to Stella's pov (( :

2 weeks later at 9:53 in the morning on March 3rd, a Friday and it's raining is when Stella gets the call that Bethany had passed away. Stella has felt _so_ _much pain_ in her life, from breaking her arm twice to having her heart stomped on then put into a blender by the ones who she thought she had loved and loved her back. The pain of everyone else having a supportive family but her, the pain of not seeing her dad since she was 10 and wondering every fucking day why he doesnt want to see her. Wonders everyday what she did that was so bad that he couldnt stand to see her anymore. Just every day scars that the universe gives her because Stella is a piece of shit. But this pain, this stab to the fucking heart over and over again is the worst pain she has ever felt in her life. It's like she's being pushed and drowned into a million jagged rocks, you get pulled away from the rocks for a second and it's all numbing pain, then your pushed right back in again and it _hurts, it fucking hurts._ It's almost unbelievable that her bestfriend since she was 12 has passed away, so fucking painful that she will never see her smile or laugh or talk to her again.

She's with Harry when she gets the call, Stella has needed some support when all of the cancer and hurt had started and Harry kind of felt that she needed a loving hand so he was there for her. Like always. They were laying down in Stella's big white bed watching a cartoon that Stella couldnt remember the name of and just enjoying each other's company.

Bethany's mum is the one who had called she sounded calm and collected but once she said _'She's gone Stell'_ she completly broke down and so did Stella. She quickly sat up and just stared at her phone with her mouth dropped open her heart beating fast with tears burning her eyes but nothing was fucking coming out. Stella could hear Harry's voice saying 'what's happend?' over and over again but she cant make her voice work and she's sad and pissed off and fucking angry. So with 5 minutes of complete shock the waves of pain come, the stabbing in her heart coming over and over.

Stella is crying with agony, screaming into nothing as she mourns. Until Harry sits next to her on the bed and pulls her to his chest, Stella can feel him shaking and the droplets of water falling on her arm. Stella grabs fistfuls of his shirt and cries with so much emotion and it hurts. It fucking hurts.

'Why? Why?' Stella whimpers into Harry's chest and she's suddenly so furios, so fucking angry at the univers 'Why did this have to happen to Bethany!? She was such a good fucking person, Harry.' More screaming and crying 'The universe is so fucking shitty, she didnt deserve this she was so beautiful so fucking beautfiul. She's my bestfriend, Harry! My fucking bestfriend is dead I dont know what to do' Stella whales throwing thing's off her dresser but Harry is standing up now walking towards her envoloping into her a hug again while she is punching his chest weakly screaming at him to let her go and that she hates him but she doesnt mean it and Harry gets it.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' Harry mumbles and he's crying just as hard as Stella is. Stella tries to breath but it comes out harshly and she cant stop fucking shaking her body racking for air, she looks up slowly at Harry's face and his eyes are red full of tears. Stella then understands that it isnt just about her anymore, she has to be strong now, for herself, for Harry. Stella leads them to the bed gently and they lay down. Stella brings Harry's head to her chest and he wraps his arms around her waste trying to stop his own tears.

-

2 hours later all Stella felt was numb, she had stopped crying an hour ago while Harry cried himself to sleep. But he soon woke.

'Hey lets shower and go to the hostpital, yeah?' he asked softly like his words could shatter Stella even more.

Stella shook her head no

'We have to see Beth's, mum and dad' Harry said and Stella winced just by her name. Stella shook her head again, but Harry ignored her and picked her up from the bed and took her to the shower. He stripped off her clothes then his clothes, Harry turned on the shower and waited for it to get hot while Stella just starred off into nothing thinking about how Bethany's smile could light up a room.

Harry washed Stella's hair while she cried softly.

Soon they were headed to the hostpital, Harry had wrapped them both up into thick winter clothes to block the cold rainy wheather. But Stella didnt mind she liked the way the rain burned her skin, Harry laced his finger's through Stella's when they walked into the hostpital sliding glass doors. Stella take's a deep breath and tries to contain herself as she walks down the familar walls and into Bethany's room. The door is propped open and Bethany and her bed is gone, there's a few people -probably Bethany's family- in the room talking to her mum and dad. But sitting in the corner by the window, who has spent so many nights in this room is Liam. He's leaning on his hand looking out the window and Stella's eyes fill up again just at the sight of him. She walks over to him slowly, letting go of Harry's hand while he follows closely

'Liam' Stella whispers touching his shoulder gently, he looks up slowly and his big brown eyes are empty 'Hi, are you alright?'

'No, are you' liam asks standing up

'No' then Stella brings him into a hug that he seemed like he really needed

'Everything is shit, Stella. Everything is fucking shit' Liam mumbles into her shoulder holding her tightly. Stella can here the sobs racking out of his body 'God I love her so much' he whales a little loudly

'I know, me to' Stella mumbles rubbing his back lightly trying not to let a tear escape but of course failing.

'Why did she have to go?' Liam asks lowely 'She was so fucking lovely'

'Because the Universe is a cunt and hates us all' Stella replies bitterly even though it gets a small painful laugh out of Liam.

After a half hour of hugging and crying Stella is ready to go home. Stella and all of her friends are all planning to go to Zayn's house and drink, but Stella declines saying she wants to go home and sleep. Zayn nods with grief in his eyes, he gives Stella one last hug then a kiss on her cheek.

It's silent on the ride home to the flat, Harry holding Stella's hand that rest in her lap. She hasnt said a word since she had told Zayn she wanted to go hom and sleep for the rest of her life. Harry understands though, he too feels the aching pain of all it all being so _real._ He never thought it would come to this but it has.

Stella is to tired and to sad to do anything when they get to the flat. Harry offers to go or make food but Stella doesnt want anything and she can feel herself getting bitter.

'I just want to sleep, sleep with me Harry. please' Stella whimpers tears slowly escaping the ends of her eyelids and running down her cheeks. She cant seem to stop crying.

'Shhhh okay, lets go' he mumbles grabbing her hand and leading her to the bedroom. Stella just pulls of her clothes and throws them anywhere in the room, she climbs into the bed and gets under the big white comforter. Harry climbs in a minute later, his warm bare skin contrasting against hers, he pulls Stella against his chest and he wraps his arms around her back.

'I cant believe she's gone' Stella whispers quietly 'My bestfriend is dead, m-my sister' she sobs loudly, she's crying harder now not being able to control it.

'Shhh I'll take care of you okay? You're gonna be okay, Stella' Harry says holding her close.

-

1 week later when the sun is coming up behind the gray clouds, Stella wakes up suddenly. Her eyes are puffy and red, her head is throbbing and she despertaly need's something to make her feel numb again. So she untangles herself from Harry's arms and pads to the kitchen and opens the bottom cabinets that's full of liquor. Stella gets the bottle of Smirnoff, orange juice and the pills. She mixes the orange juice and the vodka together but with more vodka than anything. Stella takes 3 advils and washes it down with her drink, after she swallows them she takes her drink in one hand and digs through her bag out in the hall for her pack of fags. Once she finds them she take's them and goes and sits by the big window looking out onto the city, she lights the cigarette and inhales deeply loving the way it burns her throat.

She stay's like that for another 2 hours, chain smoking and drinking screwdrivers. Harry comes out some time later, with his wild bed curls and soft puffy eyes, he sits down across from Stella and takes the cigarette from her thin fingers taking a drag. He looks so beautiful with the weak sun trying to break through the clouds catching the side of his face and making his dull green eyes a little brighter.

'Today's Bethany's funeral' Harry says after 5 minutes of staring at each other and passing the fag back and fourth

'I'm aware' Stella says hoarsly

'It starts in 2 hours we should get ready' Harry mumbles and Stella just nods.

They take a shower together and get dressed in silence, it really isnt that hard to look for something to where for a funeral when Stella's whole wardrobe is basically black. She sports a black thick long sweater with black tights and her original Doc's, she leaves her hair natural but pinning back the bangs. Stella puts on foundation and stains her lips red trying not to look so dead. She planning to keep her ray-bans over her eyes the entire time anyway. Harry is wearing a simple black button up with black jeans and boots, his curls are slightly damp, his eyes empty.

When they get to the cementary it starts to drizzle and it's a very gloomy day, perfect for a funeral Stella thinks. She see's some of her friends chatting quietly and she also see's people she has never seen in her life before. People who Stella see's walking around at Uni, family members who probably only talked to Bethany once when she was five. It infuriates her because they only care about you and only take the time to learn about you when your dead. Stella tries not to think about it any longer, instead she gives all of her friends who knew Bethany and who cared about her when she was alive a hug. But the thing Stella here's the most is _'I'm sorry for your loss' 'I'm sorry she died so young' 'I'm sorry'_

In the middle of the servace it's time for Stella to make her speech, she didnt write anything down just decided to wing it.

'Bethany and I have been bestfriends since we were 12 years old, and she's the most beautiful person I know, It doesnt matter where you come from or where your going or what has happend in your past Bethany would still accept you for you and she was so fucking awesome. I was in such a dark place and I still am today but with Bethany it was okay, the light would come back in and now since she's gone the light has gone again. She will be missed by everyone, it doesnt matter if you didnt know her that well or if you just saw her around she will be fucking missed because she was the light in everyone's life.'

Stella has tears coming down her face lightly and her hands are shaking, she hugs Bethany's mum and dad and goes back to her seat next to Harry and Zayn. Harry grabs her hand and kisses it giving her a reassuring nod.

'This is such bullshit' Stella mumbles when the servace is over and they put Bethany six feet deep in the ground

'What?' Harry and Niall ask at the same time

'This is all bullshit' Stella says louder, Zayn, Perrie, Niall, and Harry all crowd around her 'All of these people they dont even fucking care about, Bethany. They only say there sorry because they feel guily for not caring about her when she was alive, so now she's dead and it's eating away at them that they couldnt take the time out of there miserable little lives to know someone as great as she was' Stella hisses and all she see's is red

'Stella calm down' Perrie says gently

'Dont tell me to fucking calm down! Your bestfriend is still fucking alive!' Stella snaps and Perrie's eyes fill with hurt, but Stella doesnt care she want's everyone to feel bad like she does

'I know its hard that she's gone, Stella and i know that yo-'

'No you dont know Zayn, you dont fucking get it. Bethany was my bestfriend since I was 12 she is practically my sister. Imagine loosing Perrie and times that by 10' Stella spits at him

'I think it's time for us to leave now' Harry suddenly says but Stella just glares at him while he grabs her hand

'Dont fucking touch me!' Stella whails ripping her hand away from his 'Just leave me the fuck alone, I need to be alone'

'Stella what the fuck is your problem? Stop feeling sorry for your self!' Niall suddenly shouts at Stella and it's the first time she's seen him so angry 'we all loved her, alright? Your not the only one who lost her, we all did'

Stella starts to cry then, sobs racking her body harshly. Niall wraps his arms around her and hugs her tight and rubs her back. She feels guily for trying to make everyone around her feel bad.

'I'm sorry' she mumbles over and over again but Niall just shushes her.

4 hours later Stella is laying in her bed listening to the shower down the hall from her room make a rushing noise. After the funeral everyone who was there got invited to brunch at a resturante, Stella didnt want to go but Harry made her. So she sat there for 2 hours staring at her food but sipping her champagne, listening to everyone chat like they hadnt just been to a funeral. Like somone who is sopposed to be s _o_ important to them is no longer living. It really is frustrating. But flipping over the table and screaming at everyone how fucking angry she is wouldnt be the best descion so she didnt say a word.

The flat is even differant, it's so quiet and Stella cant even work up the courage to go into Bethany's room. It's all so weird and uncomfortable, Stella wants to burn everything and get a whole new flat with new things but at the same time she doesn't because it reminds her of Bethany. How she was fucking alive and healthy and her happiness just radiated off the wall's and the sun would shine through the big window's when Bethany was in such a great mood, it would be cloudy when she wasnt. It all fucking sucks, everything sucks.

　


	20. end

A month has passed since Bethany's death and Stella has been a right mess. She lays in bed all day just sleeping, drinking and smoking bowls. Stella has basically dropped out of uni because she never goes and doesnt plan on attending again so. She see's her friends sometimes, mostly Zayn since he and Harry are the ones who seem to have the patience for her.   
Stella can feel Harry get more and more distant though, she knows he's trying she fucking know but it's just hard. Hard because Stella is bitter and hates everything and because Harry deserves everything, he deserves someone who can get over things quickly, deserves someone who can return the love that is given. But see Stella isnt like that and she never will be.   
Stella is currently laying in her bed just waking up from her nap, she moves her hands lazily around the bed looking for her phone. Once she finds it she see's that she's got a text from Harry and her sister that he sent at 10 in the morning. It's now 1 in the afternoon.   
"Hi, I'll be home from Uni at 2 or so. Zayn, Lou and Gem might pop over in a bit so get dressed and clean a bit for me yeah? Love you xx"  
Stella groans loudly because she knows that she has to do this one thing for Harry. She never cleans or cooks, doesnt pay the rent she's basically just living off of him. Harry had moved out of his flat a few days after Bethany had died and decided that he wanted to live with Stella. Of course she didnt have a problem with that. 

"Want to have dinner this evening?" is what Amber asks and Stella groans again because she really doesnt want to see so many people in one day.   
"yeh sure, Zayn, Louis and Gemma gonna come over 2"   
Almost a second later she gets "Great see you later, love you xx"   
Stella doesnt reply, she just locks her phone and hides it under her pillow, after another 10 minutes Stella forces herself to get up and go to the shower. Her hair is a mess and she is very pale and looks dead.   
After she showers she slips on black highwaisted jeans with a black sleeveless crop top. She just puts her hair in a bun choosing to go with no makeup because who gives a fuck. She pads into the kitchen and see's in the sink that there's dishes piled up and in the living room theres crisp bags and empty liqour bottles mixed with Harry's papers and books. It also smells like weed and a little bit of Bethany. Stella wants to burn the whole place down.   
Instead she turns on the stereo and puts in one of her tapes that has all of her favorite songs that she listened to in Highschool, she turns it up loud trying to block out her thoughts. Stella starts by opening the curtains and windows letting the light pour in and trying to air everything out. She then starts to put the dishes in the dishwasher and putting the clean dishes away in the cabinets. Cleans the stove, countertops and everything else after, she opens the liqiour cabinet and throws the empty bottles away and tries to keep herself from taking a swing from one of them. She wants to try and stay sober for this dinner.   
When she's done in the kitchen she throws all of the bottles and trash in a plastic bag and takes it outside to the bin. Stella hasnt been outside in around 3 days so it's nice to feel the cool air and sun against her skin. She sits down on the stairs leading up to her building and watches the people who are at the park across the street walking there dogs and the children playing. She lights up a ciggarette and wishes she was as happy as the young children are. Wishes that the only thing she was worried about was if she was going to get icecream after dinner. Just then she feels someone sit next to her and Stella already know's its Harry, can see his wild hair from the corner of her eye. She turns to look at him and he's already looking at her, Stella wraps her arms around his neck and puts her leg over his legs; straddiling him, she pushes her head into the crook of his neck breathing him in. Harry wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her shoulder   
'You alright?' Harry mumbles closely to her ear   
'Just missed you s'all, dont like being alone'   
'I was only gone for a few hours, love.'   
'I know, i love you Harry' Stella says and tries not to let her voice crack   
'Love you to Stella, have since the first day I saw you' and a few tears slip out when he says that because fucking shit Harry gets to her like no one else does.   
-  
A few hours later Stella is sitting on the couch with Alexa in her lap, she is so big now with thick short curly hair that's up in pony tail. Her big bright hazel eyes are just like Stella's. Amber, Gemma and Harry are making dinner while Zayn and Louis are sitting next to her talking about the game thats playing on the tv.   
Stella feels like she's drowining, she can feel this nervousness running through her veins and she wants to cry. But she doesnt want to make everything seem like a big deal, but she can hear Harry and Amber laughing in the kitchen and the loud talking of Louis and Zayn to clearly in her ear so she sets Alexa on the blanket thats laid on the floor with her toys and walks to the bathroom. She closes the door and locks it quickly and starts to pace qiuelty in the small bathroom. She can feel tears soaking her cheeks and all she wants is for Bethany to be sitting next to her on the couch debating with Zayn and Lou about the football games like she used to. But instead she's buried deep in the ground and Stella doesnt even know where her soul is, that's what worries her the most. Is she in heaven? Is there even a heaven? Is her mind just sitting in complete darkness? Does she even have a mind? Is she sitting in the park eating cupcakes with Micheal Jack- Stella's overdrived mind is stopped by a knock on the door   
'Yeah?' Stella says trying to keep her voice steady   
'Are you alright, Stella?' its Amber   
'I'm fine, I'll be out in a second' Stella says wiping her eyes furiously suddenly angry at herself for getting this emotional   
'Okay, dinners ready' Amber calls while walking away. Stella turns on the faucet and runs the cold water over her wrist's trying to calm herself down. She splashes her face and looks at her reflection in the mirror mentally telling herself to get her shit together.   
A minute later she leaves the bathroom and goes into the kitchen, there already sitting down at the table already into conversation serving themselves pasta and bread. They dont even notice when Stella's in the doorway, she sits down next to Harry and he puts his hand just above her knee and gives it a squeeze. Stella looks over at him and he gives her a small smile. Dinner goes on and Stella has consumed 2 glasses of wine but she wont let herself get anymore because then she will eather start fighting or start crying. So she tries to pay attention to what Gemma is saying but she cant because her mind is in overdrive and it's like she was fine before Bethany died, she was a bit depressed but now her anxiety is to the max and she feel's herself going insane. Stella hates Bethany for it, for leaving her and scarring her for life, hates Bethany because everyone is okay except for her.   
Stella gives up and drinks 4 more glasses of wine and is now sipping a rum and coke, she's getting a bit more hammerd and she's fucking glad that Amber left already with Alexa because she doesnt want her sister to see her like this. The five of them are sitting on the floor near the window passing around a blunt and just talking, Stella has a small memory of being with Harry when he first tried weed. It was cold and dark but he gave off enough light to see. Stella fucking craves for those day's again.   
'I fucking hate this place' Stella says suddenly and they turn to look at her 'I want to burn this whole apartment up and move away so no one knows my name' Stella is to drunk to even know what she's saying  
'What are you talking about?' Zayn says in his accent that get thicker when he's high or drunk  
'I want to leave, Zayn. And never come back' Stella says and Harry is looking at her but Stella cant look at him, wont.   
'And leave me?' Harry says sounding hurt, Stella nods 'Why? I mean- are things that bad here, with me?' his voice is full of hurt but Stella is not in the right state of mind and she's a mean angry drunk and Harry is her victim   
'There is nothing here for me. Only thing that was here for me was Bethany and she's six feet in the ground.' Stella says bitterly   
'Your so fucked up Stella it isnt even funny' Gemma says sucking on the blunt   
'I know that Gem, but if you have gone through what I have then you would understand.'   
'Then why dont you leave?' Louis asks   
'Maybe I am, maybe your going to wake up and I'm not even going to be here. Maybe I'll join Bethany six feet in the ground' Stella says with so much malice that it's a bit frightning   
'Dont fucking talk like that, Stella!' Harry almost shouts then gets up, grabs his coat and leaves.   
'Your fucking with his mind, Stella' Gemma says narrowing her eyes 'All you fucking do is hurt him, he loves you so much and you fuck him over and make him feel unwanted!'   
'I know' Stella mumbles swinging back her rum and coke that contains more rum than coke   
'Well knock it off, I hate seeing my little brother so sad' Gemma spits 'You can drown yourself all you want but just dont drag him with you' with that Gemma leaves slamming the door after her.   
'I swear the Style's are so sensitive' Stella says blowing smoke out   
'Your a right bitch, Stella' Zayn says taking the blunt from her and sucking it   
'Only way to make it in this world is to be one'   
-  
Stella wakes up the next morning alone in a cold big bed. The sun is streaming in through the blinds and it's all so quiet. Stella gets out of bed and wonders why the flat is so qiuet   
'Beth?' Stella calls out but then she fucking remembers, remembers that she's gone. Stella does that sometimes, forgets that the nightmare she's living in is really her life. She goes to the kitchen and see's a note on the counter   
'Going to my mums for a few days. Need to figure things out. With love, H.'   
Stella rips the note up and throws the pieces on the floor. She turns the stereo on full blast and starts to make bacon while drinking gin and juice.   
Stella does that while Harry is gone, drinks alcohol and smokes bowls while eating cereal and packs of bacon and its sort of like a vacation except lonlier because Stella really does love Harry. Has loved him since the day she saw him but she's so sad and angry that she takes it out on him. Stella wants to get her shit together, wants to stay sober and tell Harry how much he means to her but she cant. She wont.   
It's been 3 days since Harry's been gone and almost 2 months since Bethany has. Niall come's over that day, with a bag full of takeaway and a six pack of beer.   
'Jesus Stella did somone die in here?' Niall asks opening the windows and curtains   
'Two people actually did, Niall' Stella says with no emotions and realizations comes across his face   
'Oh right, sorry' Niall says sadly   
'Dont worry about it, Ni. Just open up the beers'   
They watch football, eat and drink pints and Stella has missed company.   
'Where's Harry?' Niall asks during a commercial   
'He's at his mum, doesnt want to be around me anymore I guess'   
'Thats bullshit, Harry loves you more than air' Niall snorts   
'Guess not since I'm such a cunt to him'   
'Well than stop being a cunt, get your shit together' Niall says seriously   
'I'm trying' Stella says. And that seems to be her answer for everything "Im trying"   
'You dont fucking get it Niall, I havent gotten out of bed in three days and the most impressive thing i have acomplished this week was doing my laundry! All I ever fucking say to Harry to try and make him not leave me is I swear to god I'm trying. I gnore every phone call I fucking get because yes they have the right number but I'm not the person there looking for, not anymore.' A few tears fall down her cheeks and her eyes are burning. Instead of an answer Niall brings her into a hug   
'I'm sorry that you feel like you have to go through this alone but you dont because I'm here. I'm always here'   
'That's what my dad, Bethany and Harry said but they aren't here are they?' Stella snaps bitterly. Niall doesnt reply just holds her, they stay like that for a few more hours until Niall leaves and Stella is alone again.   
But she keeps the windows open this time.


	21. Epilogue

It's been a year since Bethany has been gone, a full year that she has been gone. On her 20th birthday Stella went to her grave and put 2 dozen sunflowers and a balloon that was shaped like a cupcake that said happy birthday on it. All of her friends came later on when Stella was sitting on the grass next to the stone. They sat around the stone and ate these sandwhiches and drank cheap bear. It was one of the best day's Stella has had in a really long time.

Thing's with Harry have been fucking terrible, he's gone from day's at a time and Stella spends most of her time alone and they moved to a differant flat because there old one was begining to become to much money. Since Stella spends most of there income on weed and alcohol. Stella remember's Harry screaming at her because he works all the time and she doesnt do shit except get drunk and cry because her best friend is dead and that she's _'miserable all the fucking time'_. Stella threw a empty bottle of vodka at him, after that Harry was gone for 2 days. But he always fucking does that, leaves when things get to hard for him and then Stella _always_ lets him back in because she's afraid that no one will ever love her except him. But that's the thing, Stella loves him but he most likely doesnt love her anymore. Stella tries to be okay for him, she'll try not to make the small flat a mess or try and clean up a bit without drinking or smoking but then Harry will be irritated and then they'll fight and Harry will leave for a certain amount of time. Stella will be alone again and she'll wait for him to come back and fuck her and say he's sorry and that he loves her.

She doesnt cry anymore, she still thinks about the first day she went into Bethany's room. Her smell still lingers in there and all of her stuff is still in the same place, when Stella finally cleared out everything and put all of her stuff that was going to be given away in boxes and the stuff that her mum and dad and Liam wanted plus a few things Stella wanted, she let herself cry. She sat against the wall in her empty room and cried her eye's out, her whole body shaking because Bethany is really fucking gone. The person she thought was going to be with forever is gone. Stella remembers when Bethany would talk about how she wanted to get married and have 3 children; a boy and two girls. She would name them Andrew, Lilly, and Breanna. Stella remembers how Bethany wanted to live in a big house with a big backyard and huge windows, but she cant have any of that now because she's dead and it makes Stella so fucking angry. Sometimes she wishes it was her instead, Bethany was a good fucking person and Stella is a piece of shit.

So a year and 3 months since Bethany has been gone Stella gets fed up. She wakes up alone again, Harry has left her for 2 days now, Stella doesnt even know where the fuck he is and she know's that he's been unfaithful and thinking about it makes her want to kill something. She's sitting in the middle of the couch when she realizes what her life has come to, spending tons of time alone while her 'boyfriend' is gone for day's at a time probably fucking other girls. She almost laughs at the realization, what the fuck has happend to Stella Courage? The one who wont take any shit from anyone ever? The one who wont let _anyone_ take advantage or walk all over her, now she's weak and depends on a fucking person for happiness.

So Stella gets up and practically runs to the shower, she starts to get ready. Puts on black tights and a oversized black sweater with her beat up black vans, throws her hair into a messy bun. Stella grabs her suit case and Bethany's old suit case and throws them on the bed, she then starts to fill them with all of her stuff. She rips her clothes off the hangers and throws her shoes into the suitcase's, grabs everything that's hers and leaves everything that's Harry's. An hour later when all of her stuff is packed by the door she calls a taxi.

While she's waiting she sits at the kitchen table with a pen and paper in front of her. Her eye's are burning with tears because she's leaving the person she thought was the love of her life. She remembers _everything, that's what fucking sucks._ She remembers everywhere they went, from the mayday parade concert that they went to together the first day they met in that small abandoned shack to every club and resturant. Everything they fucking talked about and laughed about, _everything._ The fact that Harry tattooed his initials on Stella's hipbones and Stella was so fucking wipped that she aloud herself to be branded as his. The fact that she stuck around this long because she fucking loves him make's it even worse. Every fucking fight meant something to Stella, every horrible thing they said to each other meant something to her. There whole relationship was the world to Stella and Harry could care less.

So she writes:

_'Sorry for smelling like cigarette smoke and staring at you all the time and laughing too loud and having a shaky voice when you used to tell me beautiful words that wern't made for people like me._

_I love you._

_With hatred,_

_Stella Courage_

With that Stella hears the horn from outside and she leave's with a slam of the door.

She goes to Zayn's house next and pays the cabbie an extra 20 (of Harry's money) to wait for her while she talks to Zayn for a minute. It's like she's been here so many time's before, infront of his door. Whenever she was in need of someone Zayn would always be there, always. She knocks on the door and he opens it and he looks the same but a bit older, his soft brown eyes are always so happy to see her. Stella immediatly wraps her arms around his torso barring her face into his chest, he hugs her back chuckling.

'What's wrong babes' he asks

'I'm leaving.' Stella says following him into the house

'What? Where to?'

'I dont know but I cant stay here any longer, Zayn. All of my stuff is in the cab and I have 7,000 of saved up money, so I'm leaving.'

'Dont do this Stella, you can stay here with me and Pez if your unhappy with Harry.' Zayn says reassuring but Stella just shakes her head

'I cant Zayn, I'm never going to be okay again if I dont leave. I'm drowing here, I need to do something with my life. I'll keep in touch alright?' Stella says and Zayn nods having a sad look in his eyes

'I'm gonna fucking miss you, you know that?' Zayn says wrapping his arms around Stella's waste and picking her up

'I'm gonna miss you to, so much' Stella is crying now, the tears flowing steadily out of her eyes.

'Dont forget about me okay? Visit me or call, your always welcome here' he puts her down and is rubbing at his eyes

'How could I? Your my bestfriend. I love you, say bye to everyone for me alright?'

'Of course, love you to, Stella. Be safe out there. You better come back for the wedding!' he grins while walking her to the car and Stella nods and pecks his cheek and gets in the cab, she starts crying again when they drive away from Zayn's distaning figure.

Stella is just doing what Bethany said, before she died she told her not to fuck her life up or anything and Stella is not going to. Not anymore. So when she gets to the airport she buys a one way ticket to New York city. And plans to never come back.

-

Harry come's home one day later and he would usually find Stella sitting on the couch reading and smoking or sleeping. Sometime's he would be happy to see her and sometimes he would just be annoyed to find her doing the same thing she does every single fucking day. Moping around or sleeping, he doesnt mean to be an asshole he just is tired of it, tired of Stella acting like the world has ended because Bethany is dead. Things go on, the world doesnt stop for anyone. But this time Harry found the house differantly really quite. He set his bag down on the floor by the front door and called out her name. No answer. A moment of panick rushed through Harry's veins, he starts thinking that maybe- he shake's the thoughts away and quickly walks down the hall to there bedroom. He finds the closet half empty and all of Stella's things are missing, his mind goes into overdrive again as he leaves the room and goes into the kitchen where he finds the note. It's Stella's handwriting and theres a few dried up tears smudging the ink and it looked like her hand was shaking when she was writing it.

Harry knew then that she was gone forever. That she was never going to come back. This time though when Harry came back he was going to make things right with Stella, was going to try and work things out and build her up again. But he was to late and Harry new he treated Stella like shit, he fucking knew it but he kept leaving her for long amounts of time. He would go to differant places in London and go to clubs and dinner's, he would sleep with differant women and just get wasted. His mind was trying to get away from Stella, he felt like she didn't even love him. Felt like Stella was drowing him with her like Gemma had said. Harry even met up with Cara at one point but she reminded him of why he was with Stella in the first place. Why he left her for Stella, reminded him of how great she is. How fucking beautiful Stella is, Cara reminded him that Stella is a free spirit still but she just need's a little guidence and support. That's when Harry realized that he was fucking up the situation even more, so he left Cara in the pub and went to pick up his bag from Nick's house and went home.

Harry doens't go after her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end again *sigh* thank you for reading this weird journey I have created. A bit dramtic but what can I say I am a dramatic person that feels deeply for things. there will be a part 3 btw


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